There are sooooooooo many people out there who write to “improve” other people’s writing, without ever explaining WHAT pitfalls to watch for when you finally DO pick up that pen and paper or computer.
I have devised a list of 10 things you should never do when you are writing, so that all of you potential writers have a CHANCE of making a million dollars on your next book.
- Never write when you are drunk. Ask me, I KNOW. When drunk, you believe you have written a masterpiece, when all you have actually written is something right out of Sooz’s Nursery Rhymes.
- Never write when you are tired. If you DO, the brain wants to finish your article toot suite, and it ends up going in the rejection bin in the morning. It is better just to sit down, relax, have 6 or 7 drinks, pass out and then try again in the morning. (The writing that is, NOT the drinking).
- While having sex. It CAN be done, but it is very difficult. Either finish your love play first, OR your writing.
- While watching TV. All I can say here is BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! This is a big no no. Too much interference that messes with your creativity. Finish watching House Hunters and THEN write.
- Never write on an empty OR a full stomach. If you write while you are hungry, you are always thinking about food. If you write on a full stomach, you are either thinking about sleeping OR puking. Enough said here.
- Never write about a personal experience you had unless it is EXTREEMLY funny or horrifying. Nothing else is really interesting; again…Ask me, I’ll tell you.
- Never write while you are depressed. If you do, no one will EVER read you again. Just sayin’.
- Never write when you are sleepy. If you do, you will find a story like this. Once upon a time………………………………………………………………….. nnnnnnnnnnnjjjjjjjjjjjjjjklkjchhdecwdclksMcSC,m d/w.md wlejl kwc
- Never write when you are butt naked. Sure, it feels great, BUT…Then you have to stop every 15 minutes to masturbate and you lose the coherency of the story. Again, personal experience.
OK… There IS no number 10 because as you have probably figured out, I AM drunk and this whole thing is a compilation of drivel. I’ll hit the sack and try again when I am sober.
Bye for now…