Yup, that’s right folks, today is National Joke Day. Get up and search for your best joke, and share it with all of us. I haven’t been on in a while, so, I guess it is only fitting that I tell you one of MY jokes.
So, let’s see now…Hmmmmmm…. OK, I’ve got one.
“As Farmer Brown approached his neighbor’s barn, he saw Farmer Jones serenading a tractor with songs and compliments. “What are you doing?” Farmer Brown demanded.
Farmer Jones replied, “My wife and I have been having marital difficulties, and the marital counselor said I needed to do something sexy to “a tractor.”
Hey, come on, I’m wasted and I am totally out of practice. Now it’s YOUR turn to try and make ME laugh. Good Luck…
Friends, colleagues, and readers, it has been a while since I have written anything because once again I have been in the hospital. Something was messed up with my liver bile ducts or something, go figure…
They put me under and did some kind of “procedure” (probably diddled me), and said I would feel like a new woman…BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! The only thing that I feel is a big empty spot in my tummy. UGH!!! I hope this feeling goes away. The Dr.’s told me I couldn’t drink for a week and guess what, today my week is over. I am actually writing this while inebriated. Ahhhhhhhhh…
So, how has everybody been doing? I missed all of you while I was away “recuperating”. I must have seen about 30 Dr.’s while I was in the hospital. It seems like each Dr. has an assistant, and then each assistant has an assistant, man; no WONDER hospital stays are so expensive.
Dot has been taking good care of me, preparing my meals, cleaning the house etc. It has been a nice change for someone else to pick up the slack for a while. Although, there were two things that I really missed:
I must admit, I couldn’t stand going without sex so I cheated, I HAD to masturbate and WHAT an orgasm IT was. I just couldn’t help it but it seems I am none the worse for wear.
Pretty much back to my original self again and should be writing more soon. I just wanted to catch everybody up to date on my situation. I miss you all and hopefully will be speaking to you soon.
All my love…
3:00 PM just woke up from my drunken sleep and I am ready to party. After all, it IS Friday night and a body has to do what a body has to do, right? Dot and I have downed our second martinis and have decided to play strip poker.
I just LOVE strip poker, especially while drinking; it gives the game a whole new side. I am a jacks or better kinda gal, no mamby pamby type of poker for me. I get crazy when someone wants to play with deuces and, the man with the axe as wilds…YUCK!!!
Now, in MY game, you take off a piece of clothing for each hand you lose, but, the winner gets to have ANY kind of sex they want. Any thoughts on what kind I like? If you guessed S&M, you would be right.
Usually, IF Dot wins, she likes to play the DOM and make me do whatever she wants. I must admit, I also like THIS type, so really, it doesn’t matter WHO loses or wins. OK, let me tell the truth, there is NO kind of sex I DON’T like. Generally, we are both drunk as skunks and the winner is usually the one who can stay AWAKE the longest. Hahahaha.
First hand, I had a pair of queens so I opened. Usually we play 5 and 10 dollar poker so no one gets burned too badly. Dot raised me, I drew 3 cards and she drew two. Now, I had 2 queens and a side ace so I figured I was pretty good.
She rose again; I called her and DAMMET if she didn’t have 3 tens. Off came my slippers. I downed another martini and poured Dot one also. Already, I was starting to feel the martinis make me feel all warm and tingly inside.,
I just love our Friday night game nights, no one really loses, well, except for our sobriety and our preferred sexual preferences, wink!!! I’ll let you know who wins in another blog.
For now, I raise my glass to all of you and wish you a great weekend.
Soft yet sensual,
Smooth fingers that bend, and caress.
The arousing sensation created by your hands,
Moving slowly around my breast, and heightening the tension within.
Two fingers encircle my mound as you gently touch my pleasure zone.
Around and around go your fingers,
Deeper and deeper I fall within your power.
Touch me, caress me, pleasure me.
I crave you as you place your fingers within.
Up and down you slide, in and out.
Your digits are like magic as you play me like an instrument,
You are my conductor, I am your student.
Louder and louder becomes my voice,
Touch me, caress me, please me.
Then, with a crescendo, I am quiet once again.
The symphony has ended.
This philosophical question has been around since the beginning of mankind. Well, I am happy to announce that after my 40 plus years, I have finally figured out the answer.
Think about it, what do we crave? What makes us happy and content WITH it, yet, sad and lonely without it? What makes us dance on air, and act like we are 15 again? If you answered LOVE, then you are right.
Funny isn’t it, such a complex question, yet such a simplistic answer. We were placed here on this Earth to love. Love ourselves, love others, and to show our love for our fellow man.
No, I’m not a preacher; I am just a simple woman who has discovered a truth that can indeed change the world. Without love we are NOTHING, with love, we are everything.
I must admit, I thought I had it all with a high powered job, money to burn, and all of the expensive toys money could buy. What I never had however, was true love. I was lonely in my heart even though I possessed all of life’s material things.
It wasn’t until I acquired LOVE that my life became complete and really happy. Love IS LIFE, love is compassionate, love is forgiving, kind, and gives us the strength to carry on when needed.
Whether you are materially rich or poor matters not, LOVE knows no boundaries, has no limits, and is not selfish to the body’s needs. With love, we are one with the universe, one with whichever God you may believe in, and at peace within our souls.
Find love within your hearts, share that love with others, and with each person we meet. Remember, according to St. Paul in Corinthians 13:13, “There are three things that last, Faith, Hope, and Love, and the greatest of these is love.”
I share my love with each of you, and I pray you also do the same with others.
Dot and I did something unusual and impulsive today, we adopted two Blue Tic Coon Hounds. They are sisters and they four years old. Now I know what you’re thinking, why in the world would two raging alcoholics want to get not ONE, but TWO Coon Hounds?”
The answer is, they were a spur of the moment decision. I asked Dot if she wanted to go to the pound and look at some cute animals. She agreed and off went. Now, in all fairness, I have always loved animals, but never thought about taking care of them while I was working.
Now, it just seemed like a good fit, and who better to love these dogs but Dot and I? Anyway, we arrived at the SPCA and were looking at all the cuties, when we happened upon these Blue Tic Coon Hounds.
They were sad looking and even licked Dot and I when we stuck our fingers in their cages. I know, I know, we shouldn’t have done that, but, we did, and they were just sooooo adorable.
I’m sure those of you who have rescued dogs, or cats KNOW exactly what I am talking about, your heart just MELTS, and you MUST have them. Was this a good decision, I don’t know yet.
They were surrendered “supposedly” by an old woman who said she could no longer care for them. Bottom line, we did a “meet and greet” with them. Both dogs were very loving, and seemed like they wanted to get the Hell out of those cages. Who could blame them, right?
I have a large area of land behind my home and it is all fenced in, just a perfect place for the dogs to roam and keep the coons out of my back yard, (Mostly rabbits)…The only thing that is a little annoying however, is their baying. When I let them out, they sniffed the ground, and off they went chasing “SOME” scent they picked up…YIKES!!!
Right now they are both sleeping on the rug by my feet as if they didn’t have a care in the world. I will keep you updated on occasion and let you know how they are doing. I’ve gotta find a good dog training place now so they can become well trained and adjusted dogs.
Thanks for reading…
Raise your hand if you like Shakespeare. Now, raise your hand if you are one of the believers who think it was NOT William Shakespeare who actually wrote those wonderful plays and poems.
People like Mark Twain, Henry James, and Sigmund Freud, among others contend that Shakespeare, while growing up in Stratford, had too meager an education to be able to produce such elaborate and thought provoking political plays.
Some thought his works were written by essayist Francis Bacon, others by playwright Christopher Marlowe. The most interesting however, was the 17th Earl of Oxford, Edward de Vere, who had both the intellectual experience and the political savvy at the time to have been in many of the sites where the plays had been written.
My OWN belief is that since Shakespeare was an actor, and a writer of plays. As such, he would have been the perfect candidate to understand the grammatical concept of a play’s structure, AND some of the language required to wright such plays, even WITHOUT a “gentleman’s education”. My thinking is that he possessed an immense talent who then used said talent to create truly beautiful plays and Sonnets.
Sure, the stories and conjecture that he may not have written them lives on, yet, to date, no one has ever PROVED any of these theories. Read on, enjoy the writings, and to Hell with conjecture. My point is, they are beautiful, and truly some of the best English ever written.
Enjoy them for what they are, and put away the conspiracy theories.
via Sooz’s Thoughts