Odd but True Xmas Gifts

Sexy woman in panties

OK, here’s the low down, it’s getting time to buy all your Xmas presents, as Black Friday approaches. Sure, you can buy aunt Ghirta her FAVORITE socks again, and certainly let’s not forget Uncle Clyde’s favorite booze so he can STAY pickled, OR, you can shop at Sooz’s home delivery facility and use some of MY gift ideas.

Mine may be a little offbeat, however, I’ve been told there is a niche for everyone, right? Here are just a few of my ideas for Xmas that will wet ANYONE’S whistle.

  • Disappearing Hair Mug –Yup that’s right, it starts, showing a full frontal view of my pussy. As you drink your favorite beverage, my pubic hair disappears until I am as shaved as a brand new spankin’ baby. Just imagine the possibilities? Only 15.99

 

  • Trip the Light Fantastic With Sooz Handbook—People, you don’t wanna miss out on this. This will show you HOW to get a date, where to go, and what to DO when the timing is right. The perfect handbook for every guy and gal. A steal at only 22.95.

 

  • Masturbation Handguide for Dummys—Yes, yes, I can hear you now, “But Sooz, I KNOW how to masturbate”. Believe me folks, you may know how to choke the chicken, or make yourself pulsate like a river, BUT, I guarantee UNBELIEVABLE MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCES after you read my book. Who doesn’t want to CUM 6 or 7 times a day like I do? Read my book and become a masturbation EXPERT like me. Today thru next week, only 25.99.

 

  • A Date with Sooz—OK folks, this was a last minute decision, but, I NEED to get LAID. For only 250.00, you can date me, converse with me, and if your lucky, take me to your place and show me a good time. (Wink…Wink).

 

OR, those socks are still available. The choice is YOURS, I’m SURE you will make the RIGHT one. Muah!!!

 

 

             

 

How Great Thou Art

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As I stare into skies of black,

And ponder the ocean blue,

I wonder if the Universe,

Thinks as though we do.

 

I wonder if we’ll ever learn,

The meaning of our lives,

That while we think, and yell, and boast,

How small we are in size.

 

We feel as if we’re special beings.

Placed on the Earth below,

Yet, in the Universe, vast and far,

What little do we know?

 

The heat of the sun, gives warmth to our souls,

The winds keep us cool and dry,

Yet what do WE give back to the world,

And should the question there arise, the best we can do is sigh.

 

Let peril not consume our hearts,

As the Earth remains to turn,

Instead, my friend, let’s give our thanks,

And acknowledge its concern.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Letter to God

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Dear Omnipotent Spirit:

It has come to my attention, the world is going to Hell in a hand basket. With all the rhetoric regarding nuclear war, the killing of innocent victims, suicide bombings, and the resurgence of war talk everywhere, I have come to You for help.

The world you created was one in which man should have worshipped you, and lived in peace and harmony forever. The only flaw as I see it was your giving us “free will”. Because we are a flawed race, it became easy for the forces of evil to seep into our nature and lead us astray.

That being said, it appears that the evil in the world has taken over, and that decent folks are doing everything they can to muddle through. While I believe that there IS some good in everyone, it appears the lines from Julius Ceasar, spoken by Marc Anthony at Ceasar’s funeral were correct: “The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones”.

I sincerely ask, with the help of your grace, the leaders of the world will realize that nuclear war is just a waste for ALL sides. No one wins. Every other option is moot. Let us put down our arms and convert them to plowshares.

Guide us, and bring us ALL back into your fold. Peace and tranquility for all, and a sharing of ALL our resources to help those who have less. Wouldn’t this be a better way to live?

Thanks for listening.

Your devoted servant,

Sooz

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sensationalized News Story

Sexy woman in panties

I just finished reading an article stating someone, (Name withheld), accused George Bush SR. of grabbing her ass while at a photo shoot with him and former first lady.

The press statement released claimed that President Bush apologized “if” he caused any embarrassment to said party, and that it was NOT done to sexually harass her but as a friendly gesture.

OK, I must admit, I am getting sick to death of hearing all of this he touched who news. As a woman, let me state, I do NOT think men in power should take advantage of women JUST because they THINK they can, HOWEVER, I also hate it when they try and leverage this kind of story for a buck.

Am I saying Bill Cosby, or Harvey Weinstein didn’t assault all those women, no, what I AM saying is why wait 20 plus years to expose it? That pisses ME off. Somehow, whether it was just a harmless pat on the ass, or a full fledged assault, they should have come forward DURING the time of the alleged assault.

Here’s the rub, since our nation began, some president or another has been messing around with a mistress or five, look it up. Now, however, in the days with sensationalized news stories, when exposed, the “harmed” party can make thousands of dollars for telling THEIR side of the story REGARDLESS whether it is true or not. It’s just NOT right in MY thinking.

Am I against being sexually harassed, yes, Do I think what the “harmed” parties are doing is wrong, yes. At least accuse the blamed party right after the harassment happens as opposed to waiting, and then ruin a man’s reputation regardless if he is guilty or innocent.

Remember, here in America, a party is INNOCENT until PROVEN guilty. That’s all I am saying. Just MY thoughts. Let me hear from YOU.

Soapbox Sooz

 

 

The Fable of Thoughts.com

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Once upon a time, a long time ago, (Well, it wasn’t really THAT long ago), there was a man named Ben Ogden. Ben was born cute, and with a silver spoon stuck in his mouth. Luckily, a nearby dentist was able to remove it so that Ben, a well liked rich kid, could go about, become even wealthier, and go on to create his own free website.

The site he created was born out of a “One Love Philosophy”, this meant that everyone would be kind and loving towards each other, and that they would all be free to print whatever they wanted.

This worked well for a while until the TROLLS came. Mean and ugly, these trolls would work their magic to disrupt all the good conversations that were going on in Thoughts land.

Ben, being a benevolent god, raised his powerful hand and behold, T2 came into being, and it was good…Once again, order was restored and we all went along our happy ways.

Then, one day, Ben decided to create a NEW Thoughts, one with awesome imagery, quick response time, and all the bells and whistles you could possibly think of. The writers were skeptical, yet, with their knowledge of T2 and the ease it was to use, they bellied up to the bar, got good and drunk, and let Ben once again have his way.

Alas, this was to be the beginning of the end. Ben went on god hiatus, which is a playground for only the richest of gods, and left the new Thoughts.com floundering. Flounder it did as pictures wouldn’t load, message systems went haywire, and once again the trolls returned with a vengeance.

The old Thoughts.com was gone and the new one went on and off line like an electrical panel.Woe was everyone as the “One Love Philosophy” died, and was replaced with constant bickering and turmoil.

Once again, after a long time at play, Ben returned with a vengeance, and he swore that he would fix the current mess…BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seems the more he fixed it, the more it faltered. Once again, “the “Woe is me” attitude returned.

People started to leave for the comfort of other sites. After enough good writers left, Ben once again raised his powerful right hand and created a completely new site called Thinkr.xyz.something or other…Whatever…

I had had enough. I picked up my tablet and headed off for greener pastures. Ben…This morale is for you…

“If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix it.”

Just sayin!!!!!!

Sooz

Kim Jong UN Calls Trump a “Dotard”

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Kim Jong UN Calls Trump a “Dotard”

OK folks, this is getting humorously ridiculous now, first Kim Jong UN calls Trump a “dotard” (A senile old man), THEN, Trump tweets back and calls HIM a “madman”. Seriously folks…I have heard more SERIOUS retorts on a fifth grade playground.

It is totally OBVIOUS what the two little boys are doing…They are playing, who has the bigger WONG. Being an experienced mediator, I have a perfect solution for all this rhetoric.

The answer folks is simple, let’s have them whip out your SCHLONGS, get a tape measure and measure them. Whose ever is the longest, then gets to decide how long the Human race should continue.

Seriously, does it REALLY take a genius to realize that in the event of a Thermo Nuclear War there will be NO winners? Nuclear winter would occur, which would block out the sun’s rays for YEARS, ultimately Damming the third planet from the sun.

I say again, “What is WRONG with these two Bozos?” Here’s the rub, they are BOTH supposed to be intelligent people. Really, ask them, they will tell you ad-nausea.

Even those folks who were originally Trump supporters, are now dropping him like flies the more he opens his mouth. I suggest we place Ivanka in his place. Not ONLY would she make a good President, we could probably buy her “line” of clothes and jewelry cheaper.

Oh well, we have to play with what we were dealt I guess. Hopefully, in the next election, if the two current leaders don’t annihilate us, hopefully we will see through the rhetoric, and decide by knowing more about them, other than what they TELL us. Fingers crossed.

 

Bank Robber Runs Naked Through Streets

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A bank Robber who robbed a Regent Bank in Ft. Lauderdale today was seen running down several blocks totally naked. A dye pack an employee stashed in the stolen money exploded, and the man quickly discarded his clothes as not to be mistaken for a Pink Smurf.

Several passers by exclaimed that, “There really wasn’t much to LOOK at”, as the man dropped 100 and 50 dollar bills out of his ass as he ran. After his capture, he was asked,” Why he did it”, he said, “ He thought it would be a funny way to start his comedy career.” Authorities agreed unfortunately, it will be…15-20 years from now.

The Take Away:

Just a thought from the peanut gallery, next time, use a getaway car. Hopefully, you are a DAMN FUNNY guy now that you are going to prison. You will NEED all the laughs you can get.

 

Just Ask Sooz

 

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Dear Sooz:

I am writing this while I am drunk. My boyfriend of 3 years has just left me. He claims I am a bad girlfriend and that I only want to have sex with him when I’m drunk.

While that is true Sooz, when we were together, I usually was drunk at which point I would have sex with him.

It’s just something within me that feels better having sex when I am relaxed and confident. What’s wrong with having sex that way anyway?

I don’t know what’s wrong with me Sooz, right now, I just wanna fuck the world. Any thoughts?

Broken Hearted Drunk

 

Dear Broken Hearted Drunk:

I have addressed this before, several women like to have a drink or two before making love. The kicker, as I see it, is he didn’t like you being drunk. Were you a slobbering drunk, or just “relaxed”?

It sounds to me as if you may have been a slobbering drunk. If that was the case, you have more than a boyfriend problem, you MAY have a drinking problem.

I would recommend you see a Dr. about this who could advise you of a program near you. There will always be other boyfriends, first get yourself straight, THEN you may be able to keep a boyfriend next time.

Good Luck.

 

Sex, Masturbation and Master Slave

 

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Dear Internet

 I use you each and every day and I don’t understand why you give me prompts for writing that suggest- Sex, Master Slave, and Masturbation. Yes, while it is true that I occasionally talk about Sex and Masturbation, I hardly EVER discusses my Master Slave proclivities.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t MIND talking about Master slave situations, it’s just that I don’t write about it that often to have my writing suggestions use this subject. I would much rather have my suggestions include Just Ask Sooz, or perhaps Sooz’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

Hell, even those stories about getting drunk or having drunken sex would be better. Preferably, the best suggestions would be about-Rainbows, Unicorns, and World Peace. OK, look, I would probably sprinkle these subjects with Sex, Masturbation, and perhaps Master Slave proclivities, BUT, I would much rather see the above in print as suggestions.

 I am finished bitching now, I realize you are just doing your due diligence when it comes to offering suggestions for all your writers. I promise to play nice from now on and will just take your suggestions as written. I humbly apologize for being a sexy depraved woman, who loves engaging in continuous masturbation, and will write more about my sexual Master Slave occurrences to live up to my suggestive matter.

 

Regards,

Sooz

P.S. My hands are in my pants as we speak… FU!!!!

 

 

 

How to Make a Million Dollars

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There are several ways you can make a million dollars. Seriously, I’m not kidding, even if you never went to college, or have an extremely high IQ, the same business rules apply.

Oh, and to answer your question, it’s not so much about the work, work, work attitude, as it is envisioning yourself  as being successful. Now I KNOW you’re asking what the F**K is she talking about. Well, here it is in a nutshell.

 First and foremost,  see yourself as a success. Make a mental picture of yourself with a rich lifestyle. I would say there are few millionaires who have NOT done this. If you think small, you WILL be small. If you think BIG, you have a good shot at becoming a millionaire.

Sure, you have to have a goal, pick something you are good at and exploit the Hell out of it. Every day say to yourself, “Today I am going to accomplish S, or Y, or Z”, and then DO IT!!!

It still takes hard work, but, if you have the dream, and you have the goal, the labor becomes a labor of love. Let’s face it, the only “other” way to become rich is to win the Lottery, inherit the money, or rob a few banks.

The next thing you must do is save and invest your money. Many people work day to day without ever saving anything. Sure, there are those who are working minimal hourly jobs who are unable to save, again, get the Hell out of there, find what you are good at, and then DO IT!!!

Saving, working, and investing are the keys. The more you are able to save, the better. Take your savings and invest it. I would recommend calling a professional who has a good track record and then diversify your holdings.

Trust me, after a few years, you will be surprised at how much your investment can yield. Now, find your niche and start crackin’…Hurry up…GO!!! Why are you stalling??

 

 

 

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