Odd but True Xmas Gifts

Sexy woman in panties

OK, here’s the low down, it’s getting time to buy all your Xmas presents, as Black Friday approaches. Sure, you can buy aunt Ghirta her FAVORITE socks again, and certainly let’s not forget Uncle Clyde’s favorite booze so he can STAY pickled, OR, you can shop at Sooz’s home delivery facility and use some of MY gift ideas.

Mine may be a little offbeat, however, I’ve been told there is a niche for everyone, right? Here are just a few of my ideas for Xmas that will wet ANYONE’S whistle.

  • Disappearing Hair Mug –Yup that’s right, it starts, showing a full frontal view of my pussy. As you drink your favorite beverage, my pubic hair disappears until I am as shaved as a brand new spankin’ baby. Just imagine the possibilities? Only 15.99

 

  • Trip the Light Fantastic With Sooz Handbook—People, you don’t wanna miss out on this. This will show you HOW to get a date, where to go, and what to DO when the timing is right. The perfect handbook for every guy and gal. A steal at only 22.95.

 

  • Masturbation Handguide for Dummys—Yes, yes, I can hear you now, “But Sooz, I KNOW how to masturbate”. Believe me folks, you may know how to choke the chicken, or make yourself pulsate like a river, BUT, I guarantee UNBELIEVABLE MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCES after you read my book. Who doesn’t want to CUM 6 or 7 times a day like I do? Read my book and become a masturbation EXPERT like me. Today thru next week, only 25.99.

 

  • A Date with Sooz—OK folks, this was a last minute decision, but, I NEED to get LAID. For only 250.00, you can date me, converse with me, and if your lucky, take me to your place and show me a good time. (Wink…Wink).

 

OR, those socks are still available. The choice is YOURS, I’m SURE you will make the RIGHT one. Muah!!!

 

 

             

 

Sex, Masturbation and Master Slave

 

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Dear Internet

 I use you each and every day and I don’t understand why you give me prompts for writing that suggest- Sex, Master Slave, and Masturbation. Yes, while it is true that I occasionally talk about Sex and Masturbation, I hardly EVER discusses my Master Slave proclivities.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t MIND talking about Master slave situations, it’s just that I don’t write about it that often to have my writing suggestions use this subject. I would much rather have my suggestions include Just Ask Sooz, or perhaps Sooz’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

Hell, even those stories about getting drunk or having drunken sex would be better. Preferably, the best suggestions would be about-Rainbows, Unicorns, and World Peace. OK, look, I would probably sprinkle these subjects with Sex, Masturbation, and perhaps Master Slave proclivities, BUT, I would much rather see the above in print as suggestions.

 I am finished bitching now, I realize you are just doing your due diligence when it comes to offering suggestions for all your writers. I promise to play nice from now on and will just take your suggestions as written. I humbly apologize for being a sexy depraved woman, who loves engaging in continuous masturbation, and will write more about my sexual Master Slave occurrences to live up to my suggestive matter.

 

Regards,

Sooz

P.S. My hands are in my pants as we speak… FU!!!!

 

 

 

A List of Things You Can do When Bored

Image result for drunk woman masturbating

Let’s face it, lists are fun. Being bored is NOT fun, so, I decided I would list some things you could do when you are bored. Hopefully, you will enjoy this list.

  1. Masturbate- A fun and simple way to relieve boredom, AND relaxing too.

 

  1. Go Skydiving- This is a real ass kicker and unbelievable experience, hey, “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it”.

 

 

  1. Make paper dolls out of an old newspaper…Go on, TRY it.

 

  1. Play with paper dolls after making them. Hehehehehe…I CAUGHT you.

 

 

  1. Try reading a book longer than “War and Peace”.

 

  1. Take a walk in the rain, OR, if you have an arid climate, take a long shower and pretend you are walking in the rain. Hell, you might even make it better by masturbating while you’re in there.

 

 

  1. String paper clips together and see how long of a chain you can make.

 

  1. Eat something, regret what you ate, and repeat.

 

 

  1. Sleep, but, then you would be missing all of the fun activities I’ve already listed.

 

  1. Drink-OK, I KNOW I shouldn’t list this, but, it has always been a good boredom reliever for me, and then, Usually, I masturbate.

 

Limerick by Sooz

Related image

 Limericks have long been used in a more “sensual” manor and being that I love the image, I thought I would write one. Hope you like it… 

 

There once was a woman from Fargut,

Who displayed all her “charms” in the market.

When asked about Clap, She spread open her lap,

Said Penicillin was placed there to trap it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz-Erotica

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Dear Sooz:

I just read your blog entitled Sooz’s Diary and I have a few questions for you if you don’t mind answering them. I am curious how you got started into the world of S&M and I want to know what you find so intriguing about it?

I never really could understand the whole pain thing.

Curious

 

Dear Curious:

It started back when I was about 15, I had hurt my leg playing soccer and this girl named Olga came up to me. She kissed my leg, gave me a hug and told me everything would be OK. I had such feelings of pleasure; even then, I almost came.

Later, Olga became a Madame and I made my first appointment years ago. We have been friends ever since. Sometimes SHE is the Dom, and sometimes I am.

While I enjoy ALL varieties of sex, this is one where I can lose myself within the pain and pleasure, and cum to the highest heights. Many enjoy this type of sexual response; however, it is NOT for everyone. Hopefully that answered your question.

 

Sooz’s Diary

 

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** Erotic Content**

Pent-up, tense, and wild like a cat, that’s how I felt. School had been going well, but I was tired living like a NUN. Sometimes the urge just gets to be too much, and I just need that release. I KNEW how to satisfy that itch,   so I called Madame Olga and made an appointment.

Hotter and wetter I got just thinking about the pain and the pleasure awaiting me. I must admit, while I enjoy ALL sex, S&M has always been one of my favorite varieties. The whack of the riding crop on my ass followed by the gentle kissing and feathering technique has ALWAYS brought me to orgasm.

Olga met me at the door and kissed me hard while gently feeling my breasts on top of my white silk blouse. I smelled whiskey on her breath and it made me wish I had never quit. You haven’t been drinking; she said as she removed her hand from my tits and placed one on my ass.

“I quit”, I said. “Oh NO”, she said with a smile, “that won’t do, I like you nice and drunk, now come and drink with me”. She disappeared and in a couple of minutes, she brought out a whole pitcher of Vodka and Cranberry.

“But I…” “Nonsense”, she said, “my house, my rules”. I took a long pull from my drink and it was like Heaven. Warm sensations ran from my lips to my Nether Region and I knew that this was NOT going to be my last drink.

We drank for an hour, and once again, ALL my inhibitions were gone, the world was my oyster, I was drunk. Olga, what a beauty, long flowing blond hair, luscious thicker lips and a body that wouldn’t quit, I WANTED her. Her tight leather outfit accentuated all her charms like honey on a bee hive.

She undressed me slowly while teasing me with those beautiful lips. For tonight, I was hers, and she knew it. She tied my hands with rope and made me get on my knees. “You’ve been a BAD girl Sooz, you need to be punished”. She took out her riding crop and laid it against my ass. Again and again the angry whip flew until the pain had been offset by a tool made entirely of feathers. God did that feel good. Again with the whip followed by gentle licking kisses. Then, something I wasn’t expecting, she stood me up, went and got a hot towel and placed it between my legs while holding it on both sides.

“Piss yourself”, she commanded, and I did. Warm, comforting yellow piss ran from my taint into the towel and onto the marks on my ass. I was just about to Cum when Olga removed the towel and started kissing and licking my dripping piss.

Nothing more to say, I came till there was no tomorrow. Olga smiled at me and said, “Feel better now”? “OMG”, I panted out, “that was amazing”. She untied my hands, gave me a robe and said, “You’re too drunk to drive, you’ll stay here tonight with me”.

I happily agreed and returned the favor for HER in the morning. “I needed that”. I wanted a drink, but decided against it and we said our good-byes. I returned to school happier and with a lot less nunnery on my mind.

Until Later…

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

My problem is I am not getting enough sex from my wife. We started out like gangbusters and would have sex every night and twice on the weekends. Now, however, we are only making love about once per week.

We are both still young Sooz, my wife is 32 and I am 33. The sex just started to diminish since the arrival of our son.

I realize that taking care of a household (She doesn’t work outside the home) is tough, but I feel rejected and lonely without our lovemaking. What can we do to re-kindle our relationship again like it used to be?

Sexless Husband

 

Dear Sexless Husband:

Let me say this, if your relationship with your wife is strong, then you have a good chance of working this out. Understand that taking care of a baby is HARD work, that, plus the housework, you wife is probably physically exhausted by the end of the day. I am sure that the only thing she is feeling is a nice warm bed and 8 hours of sleep.

That being said, there are many things you can do to help rekindle your sex relationships. First of all, TALK to her about it. Let her know how YOU feel and I am sure she will be a willing listener. More than likely SHE already KNOWS and was feeling terrible about it herself.

Try helping her out a little more than you already may be doing, let her KNOW you love her by seeing what you can do to help her feel less tired. Schedule sexual appointment times, whether it’s in the mornings or at night.

Sometimes boredom creeps into the bedroom. Try spicing things up a bit, change your routine, touch her for a longer time before jumping into lovemaking, let her know that she is the most beautiful woman who ever walked this planet. Many times, this will help rekindle the relationship.

Try and schedule at least 1 night a week for date night. It doesn’t have to be fancy, perhaps just a movie and some wine together where it is YOUR time together. Make the most of that time by catering to her and giving her the attention she needs.

Will you ever be up to 7 times a week again…NO, kiss that goodbye, things are different now. Just make the times that you do get together special, and rely on each other’s love to get you through the tough times. Good Luck!!!

Trump, Money, and Pussy Power

Image result for Cartoon image of Trump

Donald Trump is a misogynistic sex mongering pig. Oops, was that TOO harsh a statement? I mean I don’t want my taxes audited, or perhaps midnight visits by dark colored minivans outside my door now do I?

I’m sorry folks, for ANYONE to say what he did (In the locker room) about women was just wrong. QI TOO am rich and have a great deal of influence, HOWEVER, I would no more grab your privates than I would for a venomous cocktail.

To ME, it takes a degenerate to not actually SAY something like that, but ACTUALLY DO IT, because he feels entitled based on his power and money. Where has the sanity gone people?

At least when the other presidents had affairs, they did it WITHOUT the News cameras staring. This guy WANTS to let folks know that he has no working morals, and that he can just say, or DO, whatever the Hell he wants.

I for one am appalled and chagrined at his actions. It was bad enough when he was on the campaign trail, now that he is the leader of our free world, I am just saddened.

Come on Mr. President; get your head in the game, and out of my pussy.  

Sooz’s Diary

 Dear Diary:

It’s Wednesday and I am about ready to jump out of my skin. God, I hate this feeling. Why can’t I just have a normal sex drive like everyone else, I have been CONSUMED recently with the thought of giving/having sex.

OK, I’m crazed, I NEED it and WANT it NOW!!!  My Psych. My professor asked me out again, but I turned her down. I am at least TRYING to do the right things in my life, it’s just that this fucking sex drive keeps getting in my way.

I am consumed, no, obsessed with this condition. Meds have never seemed to help, nor has talking about it with my psychiatrist. What the HELL am I supposed to do? My mind says, “You are a good girl Sooz”, but my body just says,”Fuck YOU mind, she needs to get laid NOW.”

I am I such a quandary and don’t know which way is up right now. I need to sleep before MS. HYDE takes over and I do something that wouldn’t be wise. Damn this affliction.

 

 

 

                                                                                        

 

Sex Education at the Office

Panties

Why does this sort of thing always happen to me? Hi, my name is Allison Crossfire; I am a Psychiatrist and sex therapist for the County of Los Angeles.

For years now, it has been my job to treat those who have a problem with sexual deficiencies. I love my job, ever since I was a little girl I have always seen myself as helping those that are in need.

You see, I MYSELF am one of those folks who was born with an over-stimulated sex drive. For years, I struggled with the needs and urges of my sexual beast, in truth, I still do.

She was my patient, her name was Camille and she also suffered from the same demons as I do on a daily basis. My colleagues all said NOT to treat her as I may fall into the transference trap, and Not be able to help her.

Fifteen years on the job told me differently, so I welcomed Camille and explained what we would do in therapy. She was a beautiful woman, 32 years old, married to her husband for 6 years, but she could never be fully satisfied sexually.

Oh sure, she could achieve orgasm over and over, but once satisfied, the feelings of raw sexuality crept back into her loins like those of a tiger just waiting to pounce on its prey.

Hoping to help ease her concerns, I explained my OWN demons, and what I had found was necessary to rein them in. She explained that she loved her husband, but that he just didn’t understand her and often rejected her advances when she needed him the most.

I told her that was very common and that she should sit him down and explain about her desires and needs. After all, this was going to have to be a two way street if it had any hope of working.

For weeks I saw her, and it was always the same thing, NOT ENOUGH SEX. The more she spoke, I found myself becoming more and more attracted to this beauty.  I realized that my feelings should have been strictly clinical, but my pussy didn’t agree, the more she spoke about sex, the hornier I would get. Looking into her eyes during the sessions, I KNEW she felt it too. I needed to walk away, but my body said otherwise.

The last session with her was my Waterloo. She came dressed in a see through blouse which showed off her voluptuous upturned breasts. Her skirt was short enough to show her wearing a thong when she sat down, which made my pulse started to race like a woman who just finished a marathon. I WANTED her.

She started to speak and I just had to jump in, “Camille, are you as turned on right now as I am”, I asked. She responded by leaning in, placing her lips over mine and gently kissed them.

My pussy went into overdrive as it felt as though I had wet my pants. She took my hand and placed it on her breast, and said, “Would you like to suckle me?” I just nodded, unbuttoned that blouse, removed her bra, and placed my hot lips over her nipples sucking them like wild abandon.

She started to moan as I gently bit her nipples, and then sucked again. Another delicious moan arose as I removed her skirt and brought her to the floor. She was mine now, patient or no patient; she was finally going to get the sex she so badly needed.

I went from her head to her toes, stroking her, and licking her till she nearly came from her pleasure. I was obsessed, SHE was obsessed and no-one could break us apart until we had each been satisfied from the beast’s lust.

Licking a woman’s pussy has always been a favorite of mine, the smell of sex, the taste, and watching and listening to the moans of pleasure. Around her clit I went, up and down, then slowly and lovingly entered my tongue into her love cavity as she did mine.

We were insane, but we were ALIVE with lust’s pleasure and there was NO word for stop. In and out went my tongue until I felt her tense, and then scream with ecstatic pleasure. I could no longer contain my composure and also screamed out like a banshee in the night. We were alone, and the night was quiet once again.

Was I wrong for pursuing this, YES; in fact I gave up my practice the next day and moved away. The pain I had caused this young woman was MY fault, yet, the pleasure was also something we would both never forget.