Drunk Again

It’s 2:30 in the afternoon, I’m drunk, and I NEED sex. That first drink really messed me up on that date with my professor. I KNEW I shouldn’t have imbibed, but as I said, beautiful women are my kryptonite. Damn…

Today, I had the taste, just like years ago, I NEEDED a drink or ten. I got up, went to the liquor store and bought me a bottle of Gray Goose Vodka and then, bought some cranberry juice.

Vodka and cranberry have always been my drink of choice, and as I mentioned, I had the need. The sensation of being relaxed, and not in control for a change, egged me on like a dog to a steak.

The first drink went down so smooth I immediately had to refill my glass until I am in the current state I am in. Am I PROUD of myself, NO, but as I said, I am NOT a saint and I needed to relax.

As per usual, when I drink to the point of intoxication, I NEED sex. Just to give you some insight, my pants are already off and I have been feeling my wet pussy with a vibrator.

Man I’m feelin’ good. I realize this blog is a little salacious, but I really could NOT help myself. If you’ll excuse me, I need to feel my tits with my other hand now so I can CUM.

Sorry if this offended anyone…I just love writing when I’m drunk… Bye for now…MUAH!!!!!

 

 

Rules on Owning a Dragon

If any of you out there have thought about owing a dragon as a pet, here are a few rules that you should know ahead of time.

  • You must have a Castle or bigger to enable you to have a dragon, they are BIG SUCKERS!!

 

  • Pet them “SPARINGLY”—Dragons are NOT like dogs or cats, they do NOT like to be continuously pet. In fact, they are a bit on the wild side, so go easy OK?

 

  • Never play cards with a dragon.– While they are VERY smart and CAN play, they are VERY sore losers. They will burn up a deck of cards faster than you can say, “I win.”

 

  • If your dragon offers to give you a light, REFUSE, as NOTHING good EVER comes from that.

 

  • Don’t sleep in the same room as your dragon, AND, make sure that his room has been FIRE PROOFED, just saying’.

 

  • Using your dragon to fly around your Kingdom is OK as long as it is well rested (Note: most dragons sleep between 16 and 20 hours/day. Lazy little Bastards…

 

  • NEVER… I mean NEVER wake your dragon, they are INCREDIBLE GROUCHES when aroused from sleep, and unless your entire castle is fire proofed make sure you have some marshmallows WITH you.

 

       *   Other pets such as Cats and dogs are OK to have hidden in the castle, BUT, keep them away from your dragon, as dragons are VERY territorial and jealous creatures.

 

Keeping these rules in mind,  you should have an enjoyable time with your dragon. GOOD LUCK!!! “Flaaaame…Go back to sleep”, I keep telling you, “NO LICKING.” Geeze!!!!!!!

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am a mother of two beautiful girls, ages 9 and 11. I have wanted to be a mother for years, and rejoiced after I received these little bundles of joy. Here is my tale of woe; I have been raising these girls in a single parent household now for 6 years.

My ex, I found out was being abusive to my two angels when they were only 3 and 5 years old respectively. Once I found out about it, I confronted him, he admitted it, and I kicked him out immediately.

Things seemed to be OK until my youngest started asking questions about her father, and why wasn’t daddy coming around anymore? She said she missed daddy sleeping with her.

You see, I am a nurse and many times was working the overnight shift. I had no idea what was going on until my youngest, then 3, kept having nightmares about her father trying to kiss her.

I immediately got involved, found out, and corrected the problem hastily. Here is my problem, neither one really understood what was going on at the time, nor would I like to share all the dirty details with a six year old..

I just don’t know how to answer her question without explaining what happened. I love my girls Sooz, and I am trying to protect them, any thoughts?

Distressed Mom

 

Dear Distressed Mom:

Hmmmmm, honestly, this I a little bit above my pay grade. I am NOT a licensed psychologist yet, and after reading your story, it infuriated me. I would have thrown the book at that degenerate SOB. His sorry ass would be rotting in jail right now if it had been MY kids.

Try explaining to her that daddy is sick, and that he shouldn’t have been sleeping in her bed. No need for details. Just explain that it was better for daddy to get well first before he was able to come home again.

Tell her that daddy still loves her, but that at this time, he is STILL not well enough to come by. As she gets a little older, you can explain the REAL situation, but for NOW, this should answer her question without any repercussions. I am STILL fuming!!!