Christmas Past

Hi everyone. I hope your day is going as well as mine. I am curled up by the fireplace that I hardly ever use, with of course my favorite bottle of Vodka with cranberry.

I am actually a bit pensive today, just dreaming about some of my best Christmas experiences. I remember one Christmas Eve, I must have been about 5, our home was decorated to the nines, as my Daddy did so love Christmas, and the smell that came from our kitchen as Mom was making our Christmas dinner was AMAZING.

My dad was the most loving, and kind man on Earth. That year, he had called down to the City Mission, and invited all the homeless to visit US for a wonderful Christmas dinner.

Seriously, he did. One by one, there would be a knock at the door, and our home would quickly come alive with the wanton of our Society. Mom had prepared an amazing repast, Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casseroles, freshly baked rolls, and of course a HUGE Figgy Pudding for dessert. OH MY!!!

I remember my daddy greeting the less fortunate at the door like they were all FAMILY, and he welcomed them ALL into our home. He would play Xmas songs on the piano while everyone would join in and sing. Good times.

People would eat and eat as my mom quickly replenished the food for everyone. Memories like this filled my soul full of joy, and they have transformed ME into a better Human being.

Oh sure, I still have my faults, but I ALWAYS remember the poor, and how happy they were, at least for a night when they regained their love for each other. To this day, I go to the mission, and invite the downtrodden for dinner. They are indeed the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

Sorry, I seemed to have rambled on a bit here, I do that after tipping a few pops. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed my Christmas past, and I urge you all to at least say a prayer this Holiday Season for those who are less fortunate than you. Believe me, you will be blessed 7 Times 7.

Good night, Happy Hanukkah, a very Merry Xmas to all.

 

 

 

The Great Light Fight Debate

Hi everyone. If you’re like me, you are enjoying all the joys of the Holiday season. If NOT, what’s your problem Mr. Grinch? Anyway, I came here today because I’ve been watching The Great Light Fight on Television.

For those of you who either live in a closet, or, don’t watch TV, it’s a show about who can decorate their houses the most gaudy, and fill up their ENTIRE property line full of lights, blow up figures, and mind boggling displays to music.

People who are expert judges, (Celebrities), come to see which house can make their electric meter move the fastest for the longest length of time. If you are declared the winner, you get 50,000 dollars AND, the best part, a Christmas Ornament that lights up with the old style Christmas bulbs.

My question…WHY??? Look, I am all for lighting your home for the Holidays, BUT, some of these people start in October to have their display done for Xmas. Again…WHY???

Some of the participants have as many as 2 acres to light, and by golly, they DO. I don’t know how you guys feel about this, but I just think it is Cray Cray. I mean, WHO has TIME to do all of this work? Fifty foot lit Xmas trees, merry go rounds, Ferris Wheels, and a Santa’s Workshop, (All home made), with the REAL SANTA working inside. OK, I MAY have lied about the real Santa, but, everything else was true.

Are they nice? Yes, but in my opinion, they lean towards the GAUDY. I mean WHO NEEDS all of that? Is it worth it for 50K and a 12.00 dollar trophy ornament? Not to me. So, that begs the question, why do people go through all this effort for such a SHORT period of time?

On TV, it’s because they are carrying on the work of their parents, or their wife who just passed. Is this for REAL, or is it just good Television? I’ll let you folks decide. Write me and let me know what YOU think. In the mean time, I guess I better go out and buy a few more lights.

Until Later…

 

 

Dear Santa

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Dear Santa

Once again, it’s time for all of us “Good Girls” to write Santa for our Xmas requests. I, for one, have been a VERY good girl so I believe having a 125 page list is JUSTIFIED!!!

I’ve decided to only ask for the top five on my list because, well, let’s face it Santa, you are a busy guy and may not be able to fit ALL my presents in your sack along with all your other good girls and boys. 

OK, so here goes Santa: 

  1. I want a Pink Cheery Pro 40 Clitoral Stimulator in magenta—For those long and lonely nights. Cum on Santa, wink, YOU know what I’m talking about. 
  1. A 10 function little black panty thong—This little baby when worn, can bring you to the “BIG O” while shopping, or in the boudoir with your favorite date. A MUST have for EVERY sexy gal. 
  1. How about a sustained loving relationship, either girl OR guy, (As long as he has a big dick). I could really USE one. Hey, how about you, are you tired of the old ball and chain yet? Maybe she is baking you sugar FREE cookies these days, or using SKIM milk? What do ya say baby, give me a go? 
  1. I would like all my friends here to become rich and famous. There, who SAYS I am NOT generous. 
  1. Peace to ALL Nations—I REALIZE this is a tall order Santa, I am just afraid that Humanity cannot solve all the problems we have by themselves. Your helpful, smiling ways would certainly make a big difference throughout the planet. Please see what you can do, OK? 

 I want to thank you for reading this, and I hope you can accommodate me on my wish list. I sincerely hope that you, Rudolph, and all the other elves and reindeer have a very Happy and Merry Christmas. 

  1. P.S. —When I said I was “A Good Girl” this year, I meant to say as good as I could be.

Muah Santa,

 Love ya.

Sooz

“Mary Did You Know”

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This song in my opinion, is the perfect Christmas song. Just think about the words as the imaginary being speaks to the Mother of God, asking her questions. How beautiful are these lyrics, AND the meaning behind them. This is MY favorite Christmas song and I hope it is one of yours. Pentatonix does a great version of this on YouTube.

May you and yours be filled with the love during this Holiday Season, and may it resonate with you forever. God Bless and Keep you ALL, no matter WHAT faith you may be.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Ooo Ooo Ooo

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven’s perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you’re holding is the great “I am”

 

Santa or Krampus…Hmmmmm.

The song Santa Claus is Coming to Town is a warning to all the kids out there to be good, OTHERWISE, instead of St Nick coming to town, it might just be Krampus instead.

Krampus is the DEMON Santa Clause who comes to bad children’s homes and can do mean and awful things: like kidnap them, and take them to Hell, beat them with Birch branches or whips, but usually, instead of presents, the children might only receive a lump of coal.

I know there were plenty of years that I would look outside my bedroom window just waiting to see who would come, Santa, or Krampus, as my mother would tell me the horrible things that this monster was capable of.

Usually, she would laugh afterwards and then return to her evening drunk. Ahhh, life in MY house. It wasn’t until I was about 9 before I no longer kept a watchful eye out. I kept wondering why Krampus never took away evil PARENTS, why just the kids?

Thankfully, I realize today that Krampus was not real and that my mother was just trying to scare the Be-Jesus out of me, it WORKED. To this day, I still  CAN’T watch the Grinch because it reminds me of Krampus.

Kids…Just be good and you will NEVER have to worry about Krampus . Sure, you might STILL get coal as a gift, BUT, hopefully, it will be compressed into a beautiful diamond shape with a proposal following.

Until Later…

 

                            

 

 

Christmas Gifts for Me

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Ho Ho Ho everyone, Merry Christmas. In case some of you were wondering what I want for Christmas this year, I thought I would get ahead of the game and give you some ideas.

First off. let me give you two words- Victoria Secret, I just Love ANYTHING sexy so… Go for broke folks, Please me, AND  I’ll Please you. I especially like very frilly under garments, so knock yourselves out. Red, by the way is my FAVORITE color.

Long walks by the seashore are always a great gift, followed by a nice late dinner. Surf and Turf is my favorite meal,  just a little heads up. Expensive you say, well, yes but I am absolutely WORTH it.

I also love trips, any trips really as long as they are in romantic destinations like Paris or perhaps Rome. I have always been partial to Paris and the Parisian way of life with romance in the air everywhere.

Surprise me and take me on a tour somewhere I’ve never been before, like Liver Pool England. I have always been a fan of The Beatles and I would love to visit their  old hangouts. If you DO, I will assure you that I will bring my frilly underwear. At the end of the meal, dessert is on ME.

Just a few ideas boys and girls…Get to shoppin’.

Until Later…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Time Madness

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Ah the madness has started, the house decorating with thousands of lights, the anguish over who, if anyone, will be coming to YOUR house to examine those thousands of lights, and of course the good old Holiday cheer as we push and shove our way around the malls.

What a joyous time as children sit on Santa’s lap, sometimes leaving a present of their OWN, on his nice red suit. The wonderful lines we wait in, sometimes extending halfway around the moon, and of course the Christmas goodies that help expand our waistlines by at least 2 inches.

Yup, the joys of Christmas are upon us. Streets are loaded with people pretending to be filled with the Season; as they pass each person they meet, Merry Christmas is on their lips while there is a FUCK YOU hidden below.

We all go out and buy things we CAN’T afford, and then, when January’s bills come around, we ALL go rushing into Bankruptcy Court to help relieve our wallets.

Merry Christmas and to all…..A BAH Humbug to all the rest.

Merry Christmas Everyone…

 

Once Again, it’s Time for WACKY Xmas Gifts

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Christmas is a time of giving, so what better way to give your significant other something he/she will use every day. Of course, I’m talking about the Nose Shower Dispenser along with shower gel.

Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

 THAT’S right, just squeeze the nose and out pops some shower gel to help get you clean. What a great gift idea, and ONLY 18.99. Supplies ARE limited so hurry. 

Or, how about stocking stuffers, every year we rush around trying to figure out what to put in hose cozy stocking hung on the mantle, NOT any more? No more candy and gum, NOW you can have unique gifts like:

  • A Bacon AIR Freshener
  • X rated Penis Stocking to keep his baby warm at night while you have a headache
  • Poo Splat Balls
  • Donald Trump Toilet paper
  • Reindeer farting Butt ornament

Or perhaps, you would just like your usual Pickle Flask, A great gift for ANY Alcoholic, I know I want one.

OH!WOW A Pretty Pickle Flask

Now for the lady of the house:

  • How about a nice Laughing Hilary pen? Donald doesn’t laugh so they don’t MAKE those.
  • Inside the MIND of Obama book (This is on sale for only 1.00 Dollar because the book has only 4 lines printed)
  • Or, how about a nice Bikini scarf– only 15.00 Bucks          
  •                                                

My favorite, Ugly Christmas Sweaters—I like Santa on the toilet.

Ugly Christmas Sweater: Toilet Santa, 1st Edition

How about something for everyone- his AND her underwear. Saves on washing chores and bring two people closer together for good old fashioned Christmas fun.

Christmas Fundies

Or, how about that ugly Christmas sweater for two?

Two Person Ugly Christmas Sweater: Naughty & Nice Santa

We have something for everyone so don’t despair, give me a call today and I’ll hook you up, OR, hook up WITH you…

😉

 

Until Later

 

 

Christmas Memories

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I don’t know what it is about Xmas time; it always seems to make me a little sentimental. Maybe it’s the love in the air, or watching the children’s eyes light up as they sit on the Mall Santa, or perhaps just the music that rings in the spirit of Christmas no matter where you go.

I was sitting in the Mall, enjoying a cup of coffee when a bye-gone memory struck me. About 20 years ago, when I was just starting out, I lived in New York for a while. I had just moved to the city with a friend of mine, who wanted to be an actress, and being broke, we picked the cheapest apartment we could find to rent.

Our eyes were big, and our hearts filled with wonder as we searched out our destinies. I remember it like yesterday, we had moved there in November, and being from a warmer climate, snow was something we only had on TV.

I remember how enamored we were with a beautiful white blanket, covering our part of the Earth with all its splendor. Just taking walks through Central Park, the lights in all the store windows, and of course the wonderful Christmas music everywhere, lightening our spirits, and making us glad that for a while, New York had adopted  us.

Christmas Eve, we gathered in our little apartment, and gathered like church mice. A Charlie Brown Xmas tree filled our 300 ft. space, with popcorn strung generously around our tree, and a string of lights we bought from the Dollar Store.

Egg Nog and pretzels were our dinner of choice back then, and Love was on the dessert menu. My friend did a few commercials, met a great guy, and settled down. Me, well, I worked in the Big Apple for a while, cutting my teeth in the Ad business, and then returned home once again.

I never will forget that great Christmas in New York though, especially the snow. Somehow, I really miss that around this time of the year. Oh well, maybe next year.

 

 

 

 

 

Once Upon a Christmas Eve

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Once upon a Christmas Eve, an Angel came to me.

Rise up, rejoice, fill your heart with love, and a miracle you’ll see.

I rose from my bed,  and through the window I peered, and saw nothing but the stars.

No miracle I saw, no nothing at all, was the Angel talking about Mars?

 

I looked, and I looked,  my eyes had become glued, yet blackness did fill the night.

And THEN, in the distance, I SAW it I did, there was a bright and shining LIGHT.

My heart filled with love, and in the distance a Dove, appeared shining, bright in the sky.

A miracle DID come, so that Sins would be undone, and Mankind lives in Peace, bye and bye.

 

Once upon a Christmas Eve…