Lee Israel Writer or Ripoff Artist

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I just finished watching the movie ‘Can You Ever Forgive me’ starring Melissa Mccarthy, and I actually had mixed reviews.  First off, Mccarthy was wonderful in this movie, The REAL character, Lee Israel, not so much.

Here was a woman who finished both High School and college, and decided to become a writer. In and of itself, THAT is OK, what bothered me was that she became an alcoholic.  After SOME success, she turned to letter forgery in order to make a living.

In the 60’s and 70’s, she freelanced for some of the top magazines in the country.  In the late 70’s and 80’s, she wrote biographies of famous people. Her best works were of Tallulah Bankhead and  Dorothy Kilgallen, where Kilgallen rose to number 15 on the New York best sellers list.

After that, with her alcoholism raging, she dropped off the grid, fell into a depression and couldn’t focus her brain on writing ANY books or articles. She literally had gone from a semi successful writer, to a woman on Welfare who was starving.

In order to get by, she wrote forgeries of famous peoples letters like Ernest Hemingway, Fanny Brice, Dorothy Parker and, Noel Coward. This was very lucrative for a year and a half until the FBI caught up with her and ended a promising career.

She was a lucky woman however, and only received a  6 mo. in house stay, and a 5 year probation stint. While on probation, she wrote her own novel of her deceptive life practices.

It turns out that she had written over 400 forged letters and had made thousands of dollars. My question…Should she have benefited from this book, OR, should the money have been paid BACK to those she had duped? You be the judge!!!

Until Later...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where Did the Term Tail Gate Come From

Years ago in Roman times, The Colosseum, hosted a variety of games. Slaves, were sent into the arena to fight gladiators, lions VS slaves, tigers VS lions, etc. The “fun” idea behind all of these games was two fold…

  1. Sportsmanship and gambling
  2. Fun

Mow one of the favorite Saturday night games was where a gate was set up in the middle of the stadium, then, a lion would be sent in with a slave. The idea was to have the slave run his ass all around the stadium trying to stay alive, while the bet would be to see if the lion could get his tail caught in an opening and closing gate.

The bet, would be to pick a time on when:

  1. The slave would die
  2. When the lion would get his tail extracted by the gate

The closest patron to one of the times would win a percentage of the gate. The idea was, if you were LUCKY enough to pick BOTH the closest times. If you won, you could walk away with several thousand Drachmas, and never have to work again. The term for this game was called “Tail Gating”. Thus, the term was born.

Today, “Tail Gating”, is obviously a bit different. There are NO lions or slaves, and no swinging gates. Instead, there is food, and enough alcohol consumed to fill an ER. Which is better, I don’t know, I kinda like the swinging gate thingy. YOU be the judge…

Until Late…

 

 

 

 

The Warthog, Wart or Hog…Discuss

Now THERE’S a face to love, eh? I feel sorry for this animal. The poor beast gets harassed by the general public as being the ugliest mammal on God’s green Earth.

Let’s be honest, take the ugliest man or woman you can imagine, and then compare them to the warthog, the Humans will look like Adonis’ and the women like Venus.

Think of all the mean things that get said about this lowly creature, like:

 “You’re so ugly, when you were first born your parents named you SHIT HAPPENS”

 “When you went to a Haunted house you came out with an application.”

 “You’re so ugly, you make an ONION cry.”

This of course was just the beginning. They could never get into Harvard or Yale even WITH a 200 IQ, why, you guessed it, they would frighten all the other students.  Or, what about a pet, no one wants a wart hog. Personally, I feel sorry for them.

So the next time you’re meandering through a zoo, if you spot one of these lovely creatures, before you shout out something about how ugly they are, think twice and give them a break.

Oh, and for the record,  thank your lucky stars that YOU weren’t born a warthog, just sayin.

 

Dear Santa

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Dear Santa

Once again, it’s time for all of us “Good Girls” to write Santa for our Xmas requests. I, for one, have been a VERY good girl so I believe having a 125 page list is JUSTIFIED!!!

I’ve decided to only ask for the top five on my list because, well, let’s face it Santa, you are a busy guy and may not be able to fit ALL my presents in your sack along with all your other good girls and boys. 

OK, so here goes Santa: 

  1. I want a Pink Cheery Pro 40 Clitoral Stimulator in magenta—For those long and lonely nights. Cum on Santa, wink, YOU know what I’m talking about. 
  1. A 10 function little black panty thong—This little baby when worn, can bring you to the “BIG O” while shopping, or in the boudoir with your favorite date. A MUST have for EVERY sexy gal. 
  1. How about a sustained loving relationship, either girl OR guy, (As long as he has a big dick). I could really USE one. Hey, how about you, are you tired of the old ball and chain yet? Maybe she is baking you sugar FREE cookies these days, or using SKIM milk? What do ya say baby, give me a go? 
  1. I would like all my friends here to become rich and famous. There, who SAYS I am NOT generous. 
  1. Peace to ALL Nations—I REALIZE this is a tall order Santa, I am just afraid that Humanity cannot solve all the problems we have by themselves. Your helpful, smiling ways would certainly make a big difference throughout the planet. Please see what you can do, OK? 

 I want to thank you for reading this, and I hope you can accommodate me on my wish list. I sincerely hope that you, Rudolph, and all the other elves and reindeer have a very Happy and Merry Christmas. 

  1. P.S. —When I said I was “A Good Girl” this year, I meant to say as good as I could be.

Muah Santa,

 Love ya.

Sooz

The Fable of Thoughts.com

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Once upon a time, a long time ago, (Well, it wasn’t really THAT long ago), there was a man named Ben Ogden. Ben was born cute, and with a silver spoon stuck in his mouth. Luckily, a nearby dentist was able to remove it so that Ben, a well liked rich kid, could go about, become even wealthier, and go on to create his own free website.

The site he created was born out of a “One Love Philosophy”, this meant that everyone would be kind and loving towards each other, and that they would all be free to print whatever they wanted.

This worked well for a while until the TROLLS came. Mean and ugly, these trolls would work their magic to disrupt all the good conversations that were going on in Thoughts land.

Ben, being a benevolent god, raised his powerful hand and behold, T2 came into being, and it was good…Once again, order was restored and we all went along our happy ways.

Then, one day, Ben decided to create a NEW Thoughts, one with awesome imagery, quick response time, and all the bells and whistles you could possibly think of. The writers were skeptical, yet, with their knowledge of T2 and the ease it was to use, they bellied up to the bar, got good and drunk, and let Ben once again have his way.

Alas, this was to be the beginning of the end. Ben went on god hiatus, which is a playground for only the richest of gods, and left the new Thoughts.com floundering. Flounder it did as pictures wouldn’t load, message systems went haywire, and once again the trolls returned with a vengeance.

The old Thoughts.com was gone and the new one went on and off line like an electrical panel.Woe was everyone as the “One Love Philosophy” died, and was replaced with constant bickering and turmoil.

Once again, after a long time at play, Ben returned with a vengeance, and he swore that he would fix the current mess…BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seems the more he fixed it, the more it faltered. Once again, “the “Woe is me” attitude returned.

People started to leave for the comfort of other sites. After enough good writers left, Ben once again raised his powerful right hand and created a completely new site called Thinkr.xyz.something or other…Whatever…

I had had enough. I picked up my tablet and headed off for greener pastures. Ben…This morale is for you…

“If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix it.”

Just sayin!!!!!!

Sooz

A Cheesy Story by Sooz

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Once upon a time, in a foreign country, far, far away, (I STILL love that opening), there lived a beautiful girl named Cracker. Hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t name the kid, I would have called her Cinderella, or perhaps Shannin. Geez, what some parents call their kids these days.

Anyway, Cracker lived in a beautiful farming village, tucked away in an area where there are fresh, clean waters, and beautiful snow capped mountains. A cabin overlooking the valley displayed Nature’s wonders, and a booming community below.

Cracker was a bright child, she was filled with youthful exuberance, and a profound curiosity of the unknown. She was bored with the small community lifestyle however, and wanted to be an entrepreneur.

One day while in the barn milking the cow, she thought, hum, what would happen if I took some of the rennet from the drying calves liver (YUCK), and added it to the cow’s milk. Wondering … “What If”, she took some cows milk, added the rennet, and thought maybe try some lemon as a little zest. Nothing happened.

Then she thought, OK, let me heat it under a fire and see what happens. When she did, she noticed that the milk began to curdle, Quickly, she got an old cloth and tried sifting out the milk from the remaining lumpy by product.

She let it sit out in the weather for a couple of days, while also pressing the hardened result down between two heavy books. After a couple weeks she ventured out to try her invention. Well, low and behold, it was delicious.

She took it into her parents house and made them taste it. To their surprise, they LOVED it. Her parents said she had a hit here, and took it to sell in the market. It seemed that Cracker just couldn’t make the product fast enough. As soon as she would make some, it would immediately sell out.

That my friends is the story of how cheese was first made. Oh, by the way, did I tell you her last name??? Barrel. And Now you know, the LIAR’S truth.

Sooz Update

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Hi everybody. Just wanted to check in and say that my condition is improving every day. Can’t keep a good girl down, (Unless I NEED to be down Under someone). Yup, I must be getting better, sex is back on my mind.

Speaking of sex, I must say that there is a REAL cute nurse here who has been taking “extra” good care of me. I DO love those slow and sexy sponge baths, especially in those “Hard to get at” areas.

She may very well be my next conquest, when I am able. Anyway, for now, I am limited to chess and video games. Never thought I would become an addict, but the new Final Fantasy game is hard not to keep playing. God, I’m a gamer, hehehehehehe.

If I’m honest, I am going crazy here doing basically nothing. Two more weeks of this monotony and I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can’t wait. I am definitely a type A personality and I NEED to be doing something at all times.

Don’t get me wrong, reading about 60 books and playing chess is OK, but I NEED to be constantly moving and shaking, (Usually my ass). Oh come on, it WAS funny, Laugh dammit.

I MAY also be getting horny again, three times I’ve already masturbated today. Ya see, some things NEVER change, thank goodness. Well, gotta go, it’s time for my fencing lesson…Just kidding, my chess table is set up and Victoria is going to attempt to beat me…Fat Chance.

Bye for now, and love to all.

 

Jack and Jill—The True Story

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Almost everyone knows the nursery rhyme about Jack and Jill, BUT, do you know the TRUE story behind the sweet little rhyme, Hummmmmmm????

“Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water,

Jack fell down and broke his crown,

And Jill came tumbling after.”

 

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, poverty ran rampant, and the streets were lined with starving people. Could no one ease their suffering? Jack ( King Louis the 16th.) was the king at the time with his devious wife, Queen Marie Antoinette.

Taxes were heavily laid upon the kingdom’s subjects, so the rich got richer, and the poor got poorer. Hmm, sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Anyway, the peasants of France had had enough, and decided it was time to unite and take action.

Day after day they would raise their fists high in the air and demand that the king ease their burden. Alas, to no avail, the king just snickered at his hungry impoverished masses, and went back to enjoying his luxuries.

Well, the peasants came up with a plan. They would follow the king and take him off guard when his bodyguards weren’t looking. One day, while Jack and his lovely wife Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, (Really, it was HEAVY WATER, used in the making of an A bomb), the people took action.

As Jack was raising his bucket from “the well”, his subjects powered their guns, dropped in the balls, and let loose on the unsuspecting king and his wife. The king and queen immediately DROPPED to the ground to elude the bullets flying all around them. Quickly, they scampered to their feet, raced down the hill, and tripped from a divot in the ground.

Jack took a terrible fall, rolling down the hill and braking his royal crown into two separate pieces. Jill, (Antoinette) also tripped from that same hole, and tumbled down the hill like a bus without brakes.

Later that evening, Jack passed away from his massive injuries. Antoinette was then appointed ruler of France in hopes SHE would ease the peoples burden. Once again, however, she turned a blind eye towards her subjects, and, as we all know, was executed at the stake a short time later. And NOW you know, the rest of the story…From a liar’s truth.

 

 

 

Do You Really Wish You Were an Oscar Mayer Wiener

 

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For years, some little kid has come on TV, and has sung the song, He Wished He Was An Oscar Mayer Wiener. My question…WHY??? Let’s be real here people, why would anyone want to give up being a Human Being to be a HOT DOG?

Sure, I know at FIRST it might be tempting, but then you have to ask yourselves, if I WERE a hot dog, someone would eat you and then Puffffff, your life is KAPUT. Just think about THAT little Mikey , no more skateboarding, pulling girls hair, or even EATING your OWN hot dog. Just 3 or 4 bites and Good Bye Mikey.

Not only THAT, just LOOK and see what’s IN a hot dog:

Turkey by products

Chicken stuff

Pork Stuff

Water

Salt, ohhh yeah, LOTS of salt

Potassium Lactate

Sodium Phosphates

Sodium Diacetate

Sodium Erythorbate

Maltrodextrin

Sodium Nitrate—Yummy

Now, don’t these sound yummy??? So WHY would you wanna BE a Hot Dog????

Was the MONEY really worth it kid, or did you get your wish, and turn INTO an Oscr Meyer Wiener? Hell, I HOPE not, I may have just EATEN poor Mikey at the game on the 4TH.

 

 

The Life of a Pencil

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It’s been a while since I have written anything really funny, so, I thought I would it would be time to give my funny bone a workout. I sat here and thought about several different things that would be funny, like North Korea and it’s crazy ass leader, bathing habits, and of course POOP.

While ALL of these are funny subjects, I’ve decided to write about A Day in the Life of a Pencil…What??? You don’t think that’s funny, Come ON!!! This will be from the perspective of the pencil. How could it NOT be funny. You’ll LAUGH your ass off.

(Big Yawn)… “What a glorious day”. “I am ready, willing and able to start my writing duties, LET’S GO!!! “Oh good, here comes a kid now, that’s it, pick me up and let’s do some drawing or writing”.

 “

Hey kid,wait just a cotton pickin’ minute, what are you DOING, Awwwwww, DON’T put your tongue on my eraser….YUCK”. “Hey kid, try using my WRITING side, what are you doing anyway, teething, Gheese”!!!

“Damn it kid, you just ATE my fucking eraser”. NOW what are you gonna do when you make a mistake”? “Well, there goes my MODELING career”. What’s WRONG with these Humans anyway”???

“OK, here we go, FINALLY, that’s it, press me nice and easy against the paper… I said EEEEEASY kid”. “Oh NO… OOOOOUCCCCHHHH!!!!!” Now you’ve broken my fucking point, will you PLEASE watch it kid”???  Hey, where are you going”? “NO, NOT the SHARPENER”…

“Shit, here it comes”. “OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH”!!!

“Oh man, I am Soooooooo FUCKING sore now. Just put me the HELL down kid, and go wreck something else”. “Thank God”… Finally, some time to rest up and recoup, good night all”…I LIVE to fight another day!!!