The Fable of Thoughts.com

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Once upon a time, a long time ago, (Well, it wasn’t really THAT long ago), there was a man named Ben Ogden. Ben was born cute, and with a silver spoon stuck in his mouth. Luckily, a nearby dentist was able to remove it so that Ben, a well liked rich kid, could go about, become even wealthier, and go on to create his own free website.

The site he created was born out of a “One Love Philosophy”, this meant that everyone would be kind and loving towards each other, and that they would all be free to print whatever they wanted.

This worked well for a while until the TROLLS came. Mean and ugly, these trolls would work their magic to disrupt all the good conversations that were going on in Thoughts land.

Ben, being a benevolent god, raised his powerful hand and behold, T2 came into being, and it was good…Once again, order was restored and we all went along our happy ways.

Then, one day, Ben decided to create a NEW Thoughts, one with awesome imagery, quick response time, and all the bells and whistles you could possibly think of. The writers were skeptical, yet, with their knowledge of T2 and the ease it was to use, they bellied up to the bar, got good and drunk, and let Ben once again have his way.

Alas, this was to be the beginning of the end. Ben went on god hiatus, which is a playground for only the richest of gods, and left the new Thoughts.com floundering. Flounder it did as pictures wouldn’t load, message systems went haywire, and once again the trolls returned with a vengeance.

The old Thoughts.com was gone and the new one went on and off line like an electrical panel.Woe was everyone as the “One Love Philosophy” died, and was replaced with constant bickering and turmoil.

Once again, after a long time at play, Ben returned with a vengeance, and he swore that he would fix the current mess…BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seems the more he fixed it, the more it faltered. Once again, “the “Woe is me” attitude returned.

People started to leave for the comfort of other sites. After enough good writers left, Ben once again raised his powerful right hand and created a completely new site called Thinkr.xyz.something or other…Whatever…

I had had enough. I picked up my tablet and headed off for greener pastures. Ben…This morale is for you…

“If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix it.”

Just sayin!!!!!!

Sooz

A Cheesy Story by Sooz

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Once upon a time, in a foreign country, far, far away, (I STILL love that opening), there lived a beautiful girl named Cracker. Hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t name the kid, I would have called her Cinderella, or perhaps Shannin. Geez, what some parents call their kids these days.

Anyway, Cracker lived in a beautiful farming village, tucked away in an area where there are fresh, clean waters, and beautiful snow capped mountains. A cabin overlooking the valley displayed Nature’s wonders, and a booming community below.

Cracker was a bright child, she was filled with youthful exuberance, and a profound curiosity of the unknown. She was bored with the small community lifestyle however, and wanted to be an entrepreneur.

One day while in the barn milking the cow, she thought, hum, what would happen if I took some of the rennet from the drying calves liver (YUCK), and added it to the cow’s milk. Wondering … “What If”, she took some cows milk, added the rennet, and thought maybe try some lemon as a little zest. Nothing happened.

Then she thought, OK, let me heat it under a fire and see what happens. When she did, she noticed that the milk began to curdle, Quickly, she got an old cloth and tried sifting out the milk from the remaining lumpy by product.

She let it sit out in the weather for a couple of days, while also pressing the hardened result down between two heavy books. After a couple weeks she ventured out to try her invention. Well, low and behold, it was delicious.

She took it into her parents house and made them taste it. To their surprise, they LOVED it. Her parents said she had a hit here, and took it to sell in the market. It seemed that Cracker just couldn’t make the product fast enough. As soon as she would make some, it would immediately sell out.

That my friends is the story of how cheese was first made. Oh, by the way, did I tell you her last name??? Barrel. And Now you know, the LIAR’S truth.

Sooz Update

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Hi everybody. Just wanted to check in and say that my condition is improving every day. Can’t keep a good girl down, (Unless I NEED to be down Under someone). Yup, I must be getting better, sex is back on my mind.

Speaking of sex, I must say that there is a REAL cute nurse here who has been taking “extra” good care of me. I DO love those slow and sexy sponge baths, especially in those “Hard to get at” areas.

She may very well be my next conquest, when I am able. Anyway, for now, I am limited to chess and video games. Never thought I would become an addict, but the new Final Fantasy game is hard not to keep playing. God, I’m a gamer, hehehehehehe.

If I’m honest, I am going crazy here doing basically nothing. Two more weeks of this monotony and I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can’t wait. I am definitely a type A personality and I NEED to be doing something at all times.

Don’t get me wrong, reading about 60 books and playing chess is OK, but I NEED to be constantly moving and shaking, (Usually my ass). Oh come on, it WAS funny, Laugh dammit.

I MAY also be getting horny again, three times I’ve already masturbated today. Ya see, some things NEVER change, thank goodness. Well, gotta go, it’s time for my fencing lesson…Just kidding, my chess table is set up and Victoria is going to attempt to beat me…Fat Chance.

Bye for now, and love to all.

 

Jack and Jill—The True Story

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Almost everyone knows the nursery rhyme about Jack and Jill, BUT, do you know the TRUE story behind the sweet little rhyme, Hummmmmmm????

“Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water,

Jack fell down and broke his crown,

And Jill came tumbling after.”

 

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, poverty ran rampant, and the streets were lined with starving people. Could no one ease their suffering? Jack ( King Louis the 16th.) was the king at the time with his devious wife, Queen Marie Antoinette.

Taxes were heavily laid upon the kingdom’s subjects, so the rich got richer, and the poor got poorer. Hmm, sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Anyway, the peasants of France had had enough, and decided it was time to unite and take action.

Day after day they would raise their fists high in the air and demand that the king ease their burden. Alas, to no avail, the king just snickered at his hungry impoverished masses, and went back to enjoying his luxuries.

Well, the peasants came up with a plan. They would follow the king and take him off guard when his bodyguards weren’t looking. One day, while Jack and his lovely wife Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, (Really, it was HEAVY WATER, used in the making of an A bomb), the people took action.

As Jack was raising his bucket from “the well”, his subjects powered their guns, dropped in the balls, and let loose on the unsuspecting king and his wife. The king and queen immediately DROPPED to the ground to elude the bullets flying all around them. Quickly, they scampered to their feet, raced down the hill, and tripped from a divot in the ground.

Jack took a terrible fall, rolling down the hill and braking his royal crown into two separate pieces. Jill, (Antoinette) also tripped from that same hole, and tumbled down the hill like a bus without brakes.

Later that evening, Jack passed away from his massive injuries. Antoinette was then appointed ruler of France in hopes SHE would ease the peoples burden. Once again, however, she turned a blind eye towards her subjects, and, as we all know, was executed at the stake a short time later. And NOW you know, the rest of the story…From a liar’s truth.

 

 

 

Do You Really Wish You Were an Oscar Mayer Wiener

 

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For years, some little kid has come on TV, and has sung the song, He Wished He Was An Oscar Mayer Wiener. My question…WHY??? Let’s be real here people, why would anyone want to give up being a Human Being to be a HOT DOG?

Sure, I know at FIRST it might be tempting, but then you have to ask yourselves, if I WERE a hot dog, someone would eat you and then Puffffff, your life is KAPUT. Just think about THAT little Mikey , no more skateboarding, pulling girls hair, or even EATING your OWN hot dog. Just 3 or 4 bites and Good Bye Mikey.

Not only THAT, just LOOK and see what’s IN a hot dog:

Turkey by products

Chicken stuff

Pork Stuff

Water

Salt, ohhh yeah, LOTS of salt

Potassium Lactate

Sodium Phosphates

Sodium Diacetate

Sodium Erythorbate

Maltrodextrin

Sodium Nitrate—Yummy

Now, don’t these sound yummy??? So WHY would you wanna BE a Hot Dog????

Was the MONEY really worth it kid, or did you get your wish, and turn INTO an Oscr Meyer Wiener? Hell, I HOPE not, I may have just EATEN poor Mikey at the game on the 4TH.

 

 

The Life of a Pencil

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It’s been a while since I have written anything really funny, so, I thought I would it would be time to give my funny bone a workout. I sat here and thought about several different things that would be funny, like North Korea and it’s crazy ass leader, bathing habits, and of course POOP.

While ALL of these are funny subjects, I’ve decided to write about A Day in the Life of a Pencil…What??? You don’t think that’s funny, Come ON!!! This will be from the perspective of the pencil. How could it NOT be funny. You’ll LAUGH your ass off.

(Big Yawn)… “What a glorious day”. “I am ready, willing and able to start my writing duties, LET’S GO!!! “Oh good, here comes a kid now, that’s it, pick me up and let’s do some drawing or writing”.

 “

Hey kid,wait just a cotton pickin’ minute, what are you DOING, Awwwwww, DON’T put your tongue on my eraser….YUCK”. “Hey kid, try using my WRITING side, what are you doing anyway, teething, Gheese”!!!

“Damn it kid, you just ATE my fucking eraser”. NOW what are you gonna do when you make a mistake”? “Well, there goes my MODELING career”. What’s WRONG with these Humans anyway”???

“OK, here we go, FINALLY, that’s it, press me nice and easy against the paper… I said EEEEEASY kid”. “Oh NO… OOOOOUCCCCHHHH!!!!!” Now you’ve broken my fucking point, will you PLEASE watch it kid”???  Hey, where are you going”? “NO, NOT the SHARPENER”…

“Shit, here it comes”. “OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH”!!!

“Oh man, I am Soooooooo FUCKING sore now. Just put me the HELL down kid, and go wreck something else”. “Thank God”… Finally, some time to rest up and recoup, good night all”…I LIVE to fight another day!!!

 

 

 

Sooz’s Diary

 

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** Erotic Content**

Pent-up, tense, and wild like a cat, that’s how I felt. School had been going well, but I was tired living like a NUN. Sometimes the urge just gets to be too much, and I just need that release. I KNEW how to satisfy that itch,   so I called Madame Olga and made an appointment.

Hotter and wetter I got just thinking about the pain and the pleasure awaiting me. I must admit, while I enjoy ALL sex, S&M has always been one of my favorite varieties. The whack of the riding crop on my ass followed by the gentle kissing and feathering technique has ALWAYS brought me to orgasm.

Olga met me at the door and kissed me hard while gently feeling my breasts on top of my white silk blouse. I smelled whiskey on her breath and it made me wish I had never quit. You haven’t been drinking; she said as she removed her hand from my tits and placed one on my ass.

“I quit”, I said. “Oh NO”, she said with a smile, “that won’t do, I like you nice and drunk, now come and drink with me”. She disappeared and in a couple of minutes, she brought out a whole pitcher of Vodka and Cranberry.

“But I…” “Nonsense”, she said, “my house, my rules”. I took a long pull from my drink and it was like Heaven. Warm sensations ran from my lips to my Nether Region and I knew that this was NOT going to be my last drink.

We drank for an hour, and once again, ALL my inhibitions were gone, the world was my oyster, I was drunk. Olga, what a beauty, long flowing blond hair, luscious thicker lips and a body that wouldn’t quit, I WANTED her. Her tight leather outfit accentuated all her charms like honey on a bee hive.

She undressed me slowly while teasing me with those beautiful lips. For tonight, I was hers, and she knew it. She tied my hands with rope and made me get on my knees. “You’ve been a BAD girl Sooz, you need to be punished”. She took out her riding crop and laid it against my ass. Again and again the angry whip flew until the pain had been offset by a tool made entirely of feathers. God did that feel good. Again with the whip followed by gentle licking kisses. Then, something I wasn’t expecting, she stood me up, went and got a hot towel and placed it between my legs while holding it on both sides.

“Piss yourself”, she commanded, and I did. Warm, comforting yellow piss ran from my taint into the towel and onto the marks on my ass. I was just about to Cum when Olga removed the towel and started kissing and licking my dripping piss.

Nothing more to say, I came till there was no tomorrow. Olga smiled at me and said, “Feel better now”? “OMG”, I panted out, “that was amazing”. She untied my hands, gave me a robe and said, “You’re too drunk to drive, you’ll stay here tonight with me”.

I happily agreed and returned the favor for HER in the morning. “I needed that”. I wanted a drink, but decided against it and we said our good-byes. I returned to school happier and with a lot less nunnery on my mind.

Until Later…

 

 

Santa or Krampus…Hmmmmm.

The song Santa Claus is Coming to Town is a warning to all the kids out there to be good, OTHERWISE, instead of St Nick coming to town, it might just be Krampus instead.

Krampus is the DEMON Santa Clause who comes to bad children’s homes and can do mean and awful things: like kidnap them, and take them to Hell, beat them with Birch branches or whips, but usually, instead of presents, the children might only receive a lump of coal.

I know there were plenty of years that I would look outside my bedroom window just waiting to see who would come, Santa, or Krampus, as my mother would tell me the horrible things that this monster was capable of.

Usually, she would laugh afterwards and then return to her evening drunk. Ahhh, life in MY house. It wasn’t until I was about 9 before I no longer kept a watchful eye out. I kept wondering why Krampus never took away evil PARENTS, why just the kids?

Thankfully, I realize today that Krampus was not real and that my mother was just trying to scare the Be-Jesus out of me, it WORKED. To this day, I still  CAN’T watch the Grinch because it reminds me of Krampus.

Kids…Just be good and you will NEVER have to worry about Krampus . Sure, you might STILL get coal as a gift, BUT, hopefully, it will be compressed into a beautiful diamond shape with a proposal following.

Until Later…

 

                            

 

 

Twas the Night Before Xmas Parody

  I wrote this a while ago but I liked it so much I thought I would re post it. I hope you enjoy it.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring except for a couple of rats in my walls and the bat which came down my chimney.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but NOT carefully enough because the long assed stockings caught fire and nearly burned down my mantle.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, at least THIS is what the parents thought. The crafty little bastards were already stealthily searching the house for their presents.

And mamma in her kerchief, and me in my hat, were drunk as a skunk and ready for a nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed and called the cops. “Hey…I’m trying to sleep here.”

Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and dropped all my Hash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow seemed to rise and to fall like freshly baked dough. Hey…They can’t ALL be funny…”Give me a freakin’ break will ya??????”

When what to my wondering eyes should appear a HUGE ass sleigh and eight big as elephants Reindeer. I quit drinking Scotch shortly after that.

With a little old driver so lively and quick, I saw Santa Clause; the booze had done its trick.

More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

“Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer, and Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.” Hearing this I shouted out “WTF!!!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, (???), when they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky. (SERIOUSLY????) So up to the housetop, the coursers they flew, (Why didn’t they just call them the f**king Reindeer?),with the sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. I hope that red suited old man doesn’t expect ME to clean up that Reindeer Poop on the roof.

As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He ruined my WHOLE freakin’ chimney too that fat bastard.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his feet, (Sale on at Macy’s), and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. Serves the A hole right for comin’ don my chimney.

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And I thought…GREAT…This guy stole from the Toys for Tots shelter.

His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry, his cheeks were like roses his nose like a cheery. No WONDER… His breath smelled like he had just come from a major WINE tasting Vineyard.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow. I think he colors it…

He had a broad face and a round little belly, that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly. OK…I’m being KIND here…The guy HAD to weigh in at over 500 lbs.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, (I never KNEW that Santa WAS an elf), and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, he scared the livin’ bejesus out of me, kinda like the exorcist. Oh wait…This doesn’t rhyme…Oh well…!?!

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the remaining BURNT stockings then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose, he picked out the booger and up the chimney he rose.

He staggered to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him explain, as he drove out of sight, “DON’T tell anyone and have a good night.”

Happy Christmas!!!

Until Later…

Christmas Gifts for Me

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Ho Ho Ho everyone, Merry Christmas. In case some of you were wondering what I want for Christmas this year, I thought I would get ahead of the game and give you some ideas.

First off. let me give you two words- Victoria Secret, I just Love ANYTHING sexy so… Go for broke folks, Please me, AND  I’ll Please you. I especially like very frilly under garments, so knock yourselves out. Red, by the way is my FAVORITE color.

Long walks by the seashore are always a great gift, followed by a nice late dinner. Surf and Turf is my favorite meal,  just a little heads up. Expensive you say, well, yes but I am absolutely WORTH it.

I also love trips, any trips really as long as they are in romantic destinations like Paris or perhaps Rome. I have always been partial to Paris and the Parisian way of life with romance in the air everywhere.

Surprise me and take me on a tour somewhere I’ve never been before, like Liver Pool England. I have always been a fan of The Beatles and I would love to visit their  old hangouts. If you DO, I will assure you that I will bring my frilly underwear. At the end of the meal, dessert is on ME.

Just a few ideas boys and girls…Get to shoppin’.

Until Later…