It’s midnight and as usual, I am wasted drunk. Ya know, the funny thing is, I LIKE being in a constant state of intoxication. Oh sure, sometimes I pee myself, or fall asleep and wake up on the floor, but really, the hardest part is waking up after a good drunk with all the awful effects.
What I really hate, is the feeling like a train has run over me and my mouth is all fuzzy. Sure, I can always out drink it, but it takes between 6 and 8 shots before the headache subsides and I start to feel good again.
The question I always ask myself is WHY? My mother was a drunk and I swore I would never be like her, now look at me, a living breathing replica of my mother. The only difference is that I am a smart and rich drunk, big deal.
Why is it I ask myself that I enjoy being intoxicated? I am good looking, like to fuck, and love both men AND women, so why do I NEED alcohol? I believe it must be because somewhere in my life, I must feel insecure.
Sure, the money is great, but as stated, ‘It doesn’t buy happiness’. How true that is. I would much rather have a good woman, or man beside me, sharing in my joys and helping me when I’m down.
I have friends but, THEY don’t usually share a bed with me and discuss the future. I need someone to love me for WHO I am and what I’m about, someone who can love me unconditionally, and accept me for who I am with all my faults. Is THAT even possible?
And WHY am I rambling on to you Dear Diary, I guess it’s just the alcohol taking over at this point. For those who may read this, please don’t feel sorry for me, just try and understand me.
Well, I really can’t see to type anymore, so I guess I’ll just go to bed and pass out. Thanks for listening to all my tales of woe Diary; you’re a good sounding board. Good Night!!!