Just Ask Sooz-Drunk Edition

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Hello???

Hi there folks…I’m back. Just got my tits pampered, and my pussy satisfied, so once again I am ready, willing, and eager to write. P.S. I am wearing only a pink thong, that’s IT!!! Just wanted to give you guys and gals a visual image, wink.

OK, let’s get serious here for a moment and do a Just Ask Sooz segment. Here goes, oh, and YES, In case you were wondering, I’m still loaded. I picked this letter because it really hits home.

Dear Sooz:

I am a card carrying, drink every day, get passed out drunk. I am writing to you because I understand that at one time before your rehab, you have also been a lot like me and get passed out drunk at night.

I am a 35 year old woman, who drinks every morning, at lunch, and gets passed out drunk at night. I also don’t remember things that I did from day to day. While I realize that I need help Sooz, I also don’t want to take that first step. You see, I enjoy being drunk, just not the hangovers and sickness that comes along with it.

I don’t need to work as I inherited a huge trust fund from my parents, who died in an auto accident. I really have no reason to be sober except to try and become involved with someone. You see, I have had many one night stands, but never anything meaningful. I am lonely Sooz. Thank goodness I am drunk now as I wouldn’t have been able to pour my soul out if sober.

I identify with you Sooz, any suggestions?

Drunk Again

 

Dear Drunk Again:

This is a very hard one for me, because as I write this, I too have fallen off the wagon, and as you say, am “card carrying drunk”. I UNDERSTAND, and can tell you all the evil things about getting drunk, STD’s, broken relationships, health issues, etc.

What I heard in your letter was that you were NOT yet ready to take that first step in helping yourself. Until you truly commit, nothing will help you. You will go on being a subject to that bottle of booze.

I got clean because it started to affect me on a daily basis. Rehab was a bitch and YES, I crave it still every day, today was just one of those days. Am I glad I did it, YES, will I do it again, probably, but then it is a day to day struggle.

Am I glad I went to rehab and got “clean”, YES!!! Do I still enjoy getting drunk, YES, but living a clean, sober life ALSO has its benefits. I would give it a try, what do you have to lose except the hangovers and the blackouts?

I will hive you my number if you ever wanna talk. I wish you much success. Good Luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing While Drunk

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Hi there everyone, my name is Sooz and I’m a drunk. Yup, that’s right, I guess I should say I am a recovering alcoholic, however, today, I am NOT so recovered. I am indeed drunk as a skunk.

Now, what does this mean, nothing really, you see, I used to be drunk most of the time and would sit down and write until I couldn’t see straight anymore. It’s just been a while since I’ve been drunk, so this morning, I got up, poured myself a couple of shots and then downed it with some wine. Yuuuum, what a great breakfast.

I have continued through the afternoon, so I am quite blottoed right about now. I just thought I would share that with you. God, I feel good, I think I’m going to call my cute hunky neighbor next door and see if he would like to come over for a quickie.

That’s one thing about me, when I’m sober, I have a voracious sexual appetite, but, when I’m drunk, I have an INSATIABLE sexual HUNGER. I NEED SEX and I need it NOW. Excuse me for a moment while I make that call.

I’m back, he answered and he immediately KNEW I was drunk. He said he would be over in an hour, I hope it isn’t too much longer than that as I am nearing a critical point here in my drunkenness.

So, how is everybody here doing on this WONDRFUL Saturday? Anyone else drunk today? Don’t worry folks, I will be straight as an arrow tomorrow, I just wanted to remember how I used to feel when the alcohol drifts through my system like a fast flowing river, and takes complete control of my mind and body. AMAZING!!!

I know, I shouldn’t say that being an alcoholic, but I can’t help it. Well, here’s looking at you all. I love each and every one of ya. Cheers!!!!

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I realize this sounds stupid coming from a 25 year old woman, but, none the less I would like your opinion. The other night, my boyfriend and I went to a club and came home a little drunk.

We were on my couch with just our tops and underwear on. I was on his lap pretending to give him a lap dance, when all of a sudden, he ejaculated. My question here is this, my panties got wet when he ejaculated and so did my Vagina.

Is it possible for his semen to have penetrated me, and do I have to look forward to a possible pregnancy? Some of friends tell me yes while others say no. I am currently one week overdue and I am in a frazzle right now. Just so you have all the facts, this is the first time any type of sex where ejaculate has occurred.

Feeling Down

 

Dear Feeling Down:

Good news my friend, unless he delivered a load of oh, let’s say a DUMP TRUCK full onto your panties, the “odds are in your favor”. You are about 99.999% guaranteed NOT to have gotten pregnant.

Semen going through clothes, then entering the Vagina and travelling up the Cervix, is just about impossible. You are probably overdue because of your angst. Sit back, CLOSE your legs, and keep your feet up. You dodged a bullet.

Since your boyfriend has experienced sexual climax with you, it might be a good idea to be a little more careful next time, unless of course you WANT to have sex. Good luck to you and Happy Holidays.

 

Just Ask Sooz

 

drunk-redhead-girl

Dear Sooz:

I am writing this while I am drunk. My boyfriend of 3 years has just left me. He claims I am a bad girlfriend and that I only want to have sex with him when I’m drunk.

While that is true Sooz, when we were together, I usually was drunk at which point I would have sex with him.

It’s just something within me that feels better having sex when I am relaxed and confident. What’s wrong with having sex that way anyway?

I don’t know what’s wrong with me Sooz, right now, I just wanna fuck the world. Any thoughts?

Broken Hearted Drunk

 

Dear Broken Hearted Drunk:

I have addressed this before, several women like to have a drink or two before making love. The kicker, as I see it, is he didn’t like you being drunk. Were you a slobbering drunk, or just “relaxed”?

It sounds to me as if you may have been a slobbering drunk. If that was the case, you have more than a boyfriend problem, you MAY have a drinking problem.

I would recommend you see a Dr. about this who could advise you of a program near you. There will always be other boyfriends, first get yourself straight, THEN you may be able to keep a boyfriend next time.

Good Luck.

 

Sex, Masturbation and Master Slave

 

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Dear Internet

 I use you each and every day and I don’t understand why you give me prompts for writing that suggest- Sex, Master Slave, and Masturbation. Yes, while it is true that I occasionally talk about Sex and Masturbation, I hardly EVER discusses my Master Slave proclivities.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t MIND talking about Master slave situations, it’s just that I don’t write about it that often to have my writing suggestions use this subject. I would much rather have my suggestions include Just Ask Sooz, or perhaps Sooz’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

Hell, even those stories about getting drunk or having drunken sex would be better. Preferably, the best suggestions would be about-Rainbows, Unicorns, and World Peace. OK, look, I would probably sprinkle these subjects with Sex, Masturbation, and perhaps Master Slave proclivities, BUT, I would much rather see the above in print as suggestions.

 I am finished bitching now, I realize you are just doing your due diligence when it comes to offering suggestions for all your writers. I promise to play nice from now on and will just take your suggestions as written. I humbly apologize for being a sexy depraved woman, who loves engaging in continuous masturbation, and will write more about my sexual Master Slave occurrences to live up to my suggestive matter.

 

Regards,

Sooz

P.S. My hands are in my pants as we speak… FU!!!!

 

 

 

A Line from Sooz

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Many of you know that I have been seeing a woman from France, you ALSO know that I am a recovering alcoholic, (Or drunk as I don’t attend meetings), here’s the thing, my recovery as slipped due to her.

Do I want to be a drunk for the rest of my life, no, do I want to continue seeing this woman who I am developing feelings for, yes, I am so confused right now. You see, as I write this I am PISSED. For those who don’t understand Gahlic, I’m drunk.

As always, it started with one drink of wine, then another and so on, now, I look forward to getting drunk with Bella and having incredible sex. You see, she is the only one I have found, who ALSO has a compatible sex drive like mine.

The more I drink, the more I want to drink, as it makes me feel Veeerrry Seeexxxxy, Meowwwwww…Bella loves to drink and get pissed, so do I but then I don’t want to LIVE the drunkard lifestyle anymore. I have taken a long time trying to get OVER this addiction and yet, it keeps pulling me back in.

I am at a crossroads here, I am falling in love with this woman, but, I realize that her habits are very bad for my sobriety. What to do, what to do? Perhaps I should Just Ask Sooz and see what SHE says, hehehehehehe.

If anyone has any thoughts on this that could help, please feel free to dish it out. I could really use the voice of reason right about now. God, it has taken me 3 times to write this….Hehehehehehehe.

Time to masturbate, MUAH to ALL!!!!!

10 Things Never to do When Writing

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There are sooooooooo many people out there who write to “improve” other people’s writing, without ever explaining WHAT pitfalls to watch for when you finally DO pick up that pen and paper or computer.

 

I have devised a list of 10 things you should never do when you are writing, so that all of you potential writers have a CHANCE of making a million dollars on your next book.

 

  1. Never write when you are drunk. Ask me, I KNOW. When drunk, you believe you have written a masterpiece, when all you have actually written is something right out of Sooz’s Nursery Rhymes.

 

  1. Never write when you are tired. If you DO, the brain wants to finish your article toot suite, and it ends up going in the rejection bin in the morning. It is better just to sit down, relax, have 6 or 7 drinks, pass out and then try again in the morning. (The writing that is, NOT the drinking).

 

  1. While having sex. It CAN be done, but it is very difficult. Either finish your love play first, OR your writing.

 

  1. While watching TV. All I can say here is BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! This is a big no no. Too much interference that messes with your creativity. Finish watching House Hunters and THEN write.

 

  1. Never write on an empty OR a full stomach. If you write while you are hungry, you are always thinking about food. If you write on a full stomach, you are either thinking about sleeping OR puking. Enough said here.

 

  1. Never write about a personal experience you had unless it is EXTREEMLY funny or horrifying. Nothing else is really interesting; again…Ask me, I’ll tell you.

 

  1. Never write while you are depressed. If you do, no one will EVER read you again. Just sayin’.

 

  1. Never write when you are sleepy. If you do, you will find a story like this. Once upon a time………………………………………………………………….. nnnnnnnnnnnjjjjjjjjjjjjjjklkjchhdecwdclksMcSC,m d/w.md wlejl  kwc

 

  1. Never write when you are butt naked. Sure, it feels great, BUT…Then you have to stop every 15 minutes to masturbate and you lose the coherency of the story. Again, personal experience.

 

OK… There IS no number 10 because as you have probably figured out, I AM drunk and this whole thing is a compilation of drivel. I’ll hit the sack and try again when I am sober.

Bye for now…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Tale of Two Women

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A glorious night in Paris, sitting in a small cafe, drenched in the moonlight of love, and soaking up the ambiance of the most romantic city in the world, she happened. I could tell by the smell of her perfume, and the clothes she wore, like a woman possessed to make a mark on my heart, that I would be a goner.

She came up and introduced herself as Bella, (A name meaning beautiful), and said she had been watching me. I seemed to have a forlorn look upon my face as if I needed a friend. I replied,”I can ALWAYS use a friend, please sit down”.

We talked and laughed and she suggested we go back to her flat for some wine. Normally, I would have refused the wine, but I KNEW this evening would wind up being a night to remember so I quickly accepted.

Her flat was small but very well decorated. She mentioned she worked for one of the local television stations as a producer, and I gave her MY life history the more wine I drank.

After 4 bottles of terrific Merlot, we were both pretty wasted. She asked if I liked fruit and I said “sure, who doesn’t”. She poured me another glass of liquid love and she disappeared into the kitchen.

About 5 min. later, she came back with an assortment of delicious fruit stacked onto a beautiful serving dish. “Wow”, I said as I reached for a strawberry.

Bella reached and caught my hand as I was about to place the fruit into my mouth. “That’s MY job”, she said with a sexy look and removed it from my hand. She took the strawberry, squeezed it a little so some of the juice ran down her hand and she said “close your eyes and let ME feed it to you”.

Drunk and ready for love, I closed my eyes and she teased me with the fruit. Sticking it in my mouth from her lips, she twirled her luscious tongue around the fruit and then around my tongue sending chills down to my Pussy.

I was as wet as the river Seine, and I wanted her. Earlier, while she was in the kitchen, I had removed my pants and unbuttoned my top buttons to expose my best assets and spread my legs wide open for her to hopefully notice and get hot also.

The message I sent was clear, she took a banana and slipped it inside my panties. She played with that banana, touching and rubbing my clit  all over, until finally inserting it in my vagina.

Oh my God, I wanted to cum so bad, but I tried the best I could to hold it together. Then, she took the banana out ever so slowly, put it in my mouth and said “SUCK ME”.

I did as she said, placed my hands on her firm but small breast, kissing them and rotating my tongue around her nipples, and then right down to her clit I went, kissing and sucking it while inserting my tongue into her wet pussy.

I took a cherry from the tray, placed it in her love canal, took it out, and sucked it before I devoured it. I took my middle finger, sucked it, and wet her anus with my love juice.

While sticking my finger up her anus, I licked her, and sucked her, until she screamed out with pleasure. She collapsed in ecstasy while fingering my clit. She then came down on me and with a vengeance stroked and sucked until I also came into the night with a scream of pleasure.

We saw each other for two weeks while I was in her fair city, unfortunately, I had business dealings in other cities, and had to say good bye. We exchanged numbers and have talked since. Who knows, one day I might just move to Paris.

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I read your column all the time and I was hoping you could answer a question for me. You see, my wife and I have a terrific sex life, but, she has to be dead drunk in order to achieve orgasm.

I love my wife, we’ve been married 15 years, but I would like to have sober sex with her. The problem has been every time we have tried it sober, she never comes to orgasm. Give her a bottle and a half or two of wine however, and she becomes a sexual goddess. The funny part is, she usually doesn’t get drunk anyother time.

I guess I am glad that she “wants” to have sex and orgasm with me enough to get drunk, I just wish there was something I could say or do to help her overcome her inhibitions towards sex while sober.

I understand you are an alcoholic who also enjoys having sex while drunk. What’s the thought process behind this? Plese help me if you can.

Concerned Husband

 

Dear Concerned Husband:

To pin point this is difficult as there are a number of reasons for this. One, it MIGHT depend on how she grew up and her parents attitudes about sex, or, she may feel uncomfortable about sex in general where as the alcohol takes those inhibitions away.

She might just have a low libido, many women do. Sometime testosterone drug therapy helps these women. What I would suggest is to have her see her Dr. if possible and see what he or she says about this.

The Dr. may reccomend a specialist who may be able to help and hopefully you can return to a “normal” sex life. I must tell you though, for ME, I still like to be drunk when engaging in sex.

I sincerely hope that she goes to the Dr. and explains her perticulars. Good luck with this.

A List of Things You Can do When Bored

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Let’s face it, lists are fun. Being bored is NOT fun, so, I decided I would list some things you could do when you are bored. Hopefully, you will enjoy this list.

  1. Masturbate- A fun and simple way to relieve boredom, AND relaxing too.

 

  1. Go Skydiving- This is a real ass kicker and unbelievable experience, hey, “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it”.

 

 

  1. Make paper dolls out of an old newspaper…Go on, TRY it.

 

  1. Play with paper dolls after making them. Hehehehehe…I CAUGHT you.

 

 

  1. Try reading a book longer than “War and Peace”.

 

  1. Take a walk in the rain, OR, if you have an arid climate, take a long shower and pretend you are walking in the rain. Hell, you might even make it better by masturbating while you’re in there.

 

 

  1. String paper clips together and see how long of a chain you can make.

 

  1. Eat something, regret what you ate, and repeat.

 

 

  1. Sleep, but, then you would be missing all of the fun activities I’ve already listed.

 

  1. Drink-OK, I KNOW I shouldn’t list this, but, it has always been a good boredom reliever for me, and then, Usually, I masturbate.