Masturbation For Fun and Health

Today, I would like to talk about something that everybody seems to keep on the down low-Masturbation. My question is Why?

For years I have been professing the benefits of masturbating, it’s a great relaxer, lowers blood pressure, AND, it’s been proven, that those who masturbate on a regular basis live LONGER.

Come on, don’t you want to live longer? I figure since I masturbate between 3 to 6 times per day, let’s see…Carry the 4, add 50, and multiply by 1000, I should live till I’m at LEAST as old a Methussila, and perhaps a little longer.

In Europe, they not only talk about it freely with others, they practice this life saving procedure daily. So, why are we, as Americans, so clandestine about this taboo subject?

I say, let’s get those hands lubed up and get ready for some fun. Hey, you can do it by yourself, OR, with a significant other, the choice is yours. Get started today, and start adding some years to your life.

I’m gonna get the ball rolling, I’m already half in the bag, and MY fingers are already doing the walking. Come on, join me. You WON’T regret it.

Until Later…

 

Porn or no Porn

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Hi everyone. Several people have written me in a Dear Sooz letter about porn. Certainly some people LOVE porn, and some don’t. Here are MY thoughts on this subject.

I believe porn can be a GOOD thing, especially if the two people are both into  it. Many times, it stimulates the sexual juices, which can ultimately be a GREAT stimulant to your sex lives.

Again, BOTH parties have to enjoy the porn. If it is just one sided, this could be detrimental to a relationship. As an example, the more someone watches porn, the more they become interested in what the videos are showing, and forget that these are NOT real life or how relationships really work.

Many times, men can become addicted, (as I’m sure women can also), which may leave either party with the WRONG idea and may decrease their sex lives.

Porn is good on a limited basis and can really spice up your sex lives. In MY opinion, there is NOTHING wrong with porn if used correctly. Actually, I love porn, but then again, that’s ME.

Use it responsibly and get those hormones raging, just be responsible. Enjoy, and have a great day.

Until Later…

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I have an embarrassing question to ask you. One thing you should be aware of, I am a very sexual person.

Before I was married, a year ago, I would always masturbate with my vibrator. Sometimes, I would masturbate two or three times per day.

Once married, our sex life was OK, but I never could come to an orgasm. I worried about this for a while, until one day, I pulled out my trusty vibrator and had an intense orgasm. I tried again and the same thing happened.

Once back to making love with my husband, zip. Is there something wrong with me Sooz, should I see a Dr. or psychotherapist? Please help me understand what’s happening so I can quit worrying.

Deprived Newlywed

 

Dear Deprived Newlywed:

Many times after continually using a vibrator, your body becomes accustomed to that level of intensity. What I would suggest is to try and pleasure yourself with your fingers until you are able to reach an orgasm.

Once you have achieved it, teach your husband what he needs to do in order to stimulate your clitoris to bring you to a climax. No worries, there is nothing wrong with you that a few lessons for your husband can’t fix.

From now on, when you masturbate, try NOT to use the vibrator. This will eventually make your sex life go a lot better. Best of luck to you.

 

 

Pain and Pleasure

It was 10:00 PM in Arizona, I had been reading sexual material, and I needed a sexual fix. I’d been good all week, well, except for my normal masturbation schedule, and I needed a little playtime. I dialed Olga’s number but  I had to leave a message. “Hi Olga, it’s Sooz, and I need a treatment.” Ten minutes later the phone rang, it was Olga. I could tell she had been drinking by her slightly slurred words and she said, “Hi Sooz, you need a treatment, huh, for you, my house is always open.”

“Thanks, Madame”, I said, and I got in my car and started to drive. It took me about an hour to get there winding around long deserted roads and a driveway that seemed to never end. I rang the doorbell which had one of those long rings, and the thick door opened with Olga dressed in her Madame costume.  She was wearing a leather outfit with an  Assless back, and also with her perfectly GORGEOUS TITS exposed, just right for touching.

She welcomed me with a sensuous kiss on the lips, and sure enough, as expected, she had been drinking. “I have a special night planned for you tonight Sooz, but, I need you to be drunk to fully enjoy it, what do you say?”

“Sure enough”, I said with a smile, “What spirits do you have?” “Whiskey with ice, or straight up, what will it be?” “Whiskey with ice, I said, and she poured me a tall one.” “So, why so late”, she asked as I downed the first drink and started another.

I explained to her that I had been good all week, and that I needed a little pain and pleasure action to round me out. “No problem, she said, finish your drink and I’ll fix you another.”

I hurriedly gulped that one down and started my third major drink within 40 minutes. I already had a good buzz on, but this drink went down in about 3 minutes, which threw me over the edge into the land of drunkdom.

Madame Olga led me to a special room, which she called the RED room. Inside was every piece of equipment you could ask, for S&M  sex. Across it, was a setup I needed to use. Olga led me to this contraption and told me to spread my legs wide as she bound them with heavy leather straps.

Then, she took my arms and again bound them wide so I had no rhythm of motion. Finally, she blindfolded me so I could see nothing. I waited as I heard her slap the riding crop hard  against the desk. The next thing I felt was the crop slapping against my ass, pain screamed within me, followed by Olga kissing my red buttocks, then licking it. OMG, I was in heaven.

My pussy was dripping wet with anticipation now as she took a long feather and stroked the insides of my sides with the feather and again kissed each thigh as slow as possible. My breasts were next. She bit them as if she was having dessert spreading pain throughout my body.

The soft suckling of them immediately afterwards, however, sent my senses into overload. I was VERY HORNY and I needed to CUM!!!

I begged her to finish me off, but again, she worked my ass like a pro and told me to shut up. Finally, what seemed like hours, came to an end as she placed her riding crop between my pussy and made me lick my own juices.

She kissed my lips gently and then continued all the way down to my steaming crotch. She put her tongue inside my vagina, all the while fingering the hole in my ass. I could take it no longer, I writhed in the darkness and exploded. Cum came flying out of me as I reached a Vaginal Orgasm and I spurted all over her floor. I was satisfied and exhausted. Olga took me down from my makeshift cross, kissed me, and handed me a strong whiskey.

We drank and talked the night away, and finally fell asleep in Olga’s bed. The next morning I showered, while Olga accompanied me, got dressed, thanked her for a lovely time and left, knowing that I would be back again soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luscious, Succulent Sex

For those of you who may be wondering, I am in a VERY sexy mood this afternoon. I am thing about and picturing SEX. Yes, yes, I know that sex is about love and the relationship and all of that, but, there is ALSO sex as in LUST; the Hot, Sweaty, Horny, and Salacious sex, that’s what I’M talking about.

I am HORNY and I NEED SEX…NOW. I just finished reading a very sexy book and now I want to act out the character. Hey, don’t judge me, I am sure that there are a LOT of good folks just like me who right now, are wet as a river and want to jump on a nice pecker or twat.

OK, yes, I may have been drinking a “little” while I was reading, but, that doesn’t take away the cravings, it ONLY enhances them. My legs are spread wide, and my fingers just slipped underneath my G String. I am WET and I need to be pleasured.

There is no one around so I MUST take care of my OWN needs. Too bad a lot of my readers aren’t closer right now. See you all on the flip side…Ummmm, I just tasted myself….Yummy.

Adios…

Naughty or Nice

Bless me WordPress for I have sinned. I went shopping today with a buzz on and did the following:

  1. I yelled at 3 people that tried to buy something I wanted when there was only ONE item of each left. They called me a drunken Biatch, but, I still wound up with the items I wanted so THERE F**k heads. 
  1. I waited in line to see Santa and gave him a Lap Dance…What??? Hey, Not my fault, I was buzzed. I must say though, Santa had a BIG present for me, and I liked it. I tried to get his number for later, but he said he was married so I thought better of calling him. 
  1. I gave the Salvation Army Santa a hundred dollar bill, and when I asked if it was OK to feel his ass, he agreed. See, money CAN buy you SOME things. Man, I LOVE ASSES. 
  1. I stopped at a couple of bars for some Xmas cheer, and I must admit, I was VERY cheerful when I left. I had kissed at least 3 patrons, including the female bartender. Will I burn in Hell??? 
  1. I got home, staggered in the door, fell to the floor, and decided I might just as well Masturbate while I was there, I was very HORNY!!! 
  1. After the deed was done, I crawled to my bar, grabbed a bottle of Vodka and drank it till I passed out. I just woke up now. I am somewhat sober still, BUT, I can surely fix that. 

OK, how many prayers am I going to have to say to FIX all of that, 10, 50, 100, WHAT??? That was MY day folks, I hope YOURS went a lot more smoothly. Until next time…

P.S.—In case you were wondering, I have a driver that takes me around. I do NOT Drink and Drive!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sooz’s Drunk Stories

Once upon a time, probably since I was around 19, I have had a drinking difficulty. I won’t say problem, because you see, it WASN’T a problem, I dealt with being drunk swimmingly.

Understand something, when drunk, I am funny, life of the party, and a VERY HORNY woman. When loaded, I wanna have SEX, and the more I get, the more I want.

By the way, once again, I am writing this while SH** Faced. I have decided to take the month of Xmas off from sobriety and just go nuts. Hey, I’m entitled. So, if you like me sober, you’ll LOVE me drunk.

OK, I am going to admit something to all my fans, I am lonely. Being rich is fine, but it can’t buy what a relationship between two people have, THAT is special. I am looking for someone, either girl or guy, who is ready for a relationship and doesn’t mind if I get inebriated once in a while. Know anyone???

I am fun loving, funny, and loyal. Geez, that sounded like I am a German Sheppard or perhaps a Girl Scout. I must admit, I have thought about internet dating, but, it seems like all of my friends who have tried it got TERRIBLE results.

I have seen the pics they put on their profiles, they look like Adonis’s, but when you meet them, they look like Don Rickles. No offense Don. I think I am ready, but, I DO need someone with a HIGH SEX drive, and someone who is interested in new sexual experiences.

I am a catch, believe me, that is if you don’t mind me tipping the bottle a bit. Any takers??? Hehehehehehe. I am hosting a Xmas party this year for all my friends and Family. THAT should prove interesting. Thirty Five people who Love to drink and carouse, perhaps I’ll find my soul mate there, fingers crossed.

I’m sorry, I have to go as I am REALLY Horny and I need to take care of something. Merry Christmas to everyone, oh, and please don’t hate me for drunk writing. :pve to all…LITTERALLY!!! Hehehehehehe.

 

 

 

Odd but True Xmas Gifts

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OK, here’s the low down, it’s getting time to buy all your Xmas presents, as Black Friday approaches. Sure, you can buy aunt Ghirta her FAVORITE socks again, and certainly let’s not forget Uncle Clyde’s favorite booze so he can STAY pickled, OR, you can shop at Sooz’s home delivery facility and use some of MY gift ideas.

Mine may be a little offbeat, however, I’ve been told there is a niche for everyone, right? Here are just a few of my ideas for Xmas that will wet ANYONE’S whistle.

  • Disappearing Hair Mug –Yup that’s right, it starts, showing a full frontal view of my pussy. As you drink your favorite beverage, my pubic hair disappears until I am as shaved as a brand new spankin’ baby. Just imagine the possibilities? Only 15.99

 

  • Trip the Light Fantastic With Sooz Handbook—People, you don’t wanna miss out on this. This will show you HOW to get a date, where to go, and what to DO when the timing is right. The perfect handbook for every guy and gal. A steal at only 22.95.

 

  • Masturbation Handguide for Dummys—Yes, yes, I can hear you now, “But Sooz, I KNOW how to masturbate”. Believe me folks, you may know how to choke the chicken, or make yourself pulsate like a river, BUT, I guarantee UNBELIEVABLE MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCES after you read my book. Who doesn’t want to CUM 6 or 7 times a day like I do? Read my book and become a masturbation EXPERT like me. Today thru next week, only 25.99.

 

  • A Date with Sooz—OK folks, this was a last minute decision, but, I NEED to get LAID. For only 250.00, you can date me, converse with me, and if your lucky, take me to your place and show me a good time. (Wink…Wink).

 

OR, those socks are still available. The choice is YOURS, I’m SURE you will make the RIGHT one. Muah!!!

 

 

             

 

Sex, Masturbation and Master Slave

 

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Dear Internet

 I use you each and every day and I don’t understand why you give me prompts for writing that suggest- Sex, Master Slave, and Masturbation. Yes, while it is true that I occasionally talk about Sex and Masturbation, I hardly EVER discusses my Master Slave proclivities.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t MIND talking about Master slave situations, it’s just that I don’t write about it that often to have my writing suggestions use this subject. I would much rather have my suggestions include Just Ask Sooz, or perhaps Sooz’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

Hell, even those stories about getting drunk or having drunken sex would be better. Preferably, the best suggestions would be about-Rainbows, Unicorns, and World Peace. OK, look, I would probably sprinkle these subjects with Sex, Masturbation, and perhaps Master Slave proclivities, BUT, I would much rather see the above in print as suggestions.

 I am finished bitching now, I realize you are just doing your due diligence when it comes to offering suggestions for all your writers. I promise to play nice from now on and will just take your suggestions as written. I humbly apologize for being a sexy depraved woman, who loves engaging in continuous masturbation, and will write more about my sexual Master Slave occurrences to live up to my suggestive matter.

 

Regards,

Sooz

P.S. My hands are in my pants as we speak… FU!!!!

 

 

 

Sooz Update

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Hi everybody. Just wanted to check in and say that my condition is improving every day. Can’t keep a good girl down, (Unless I NEED to be down Under someone). Yup, I must be getting better, sex is back on my mind.

Speaking of sex, I must say that there is a REAL cute nurse here who has been taking “extra” good care of me. I DO love those slow and sexy sponge baths, especially in those “Hard to get at” areas.

She may very well be my next conquest, when I am able. Anyway, for now, I am limited to chess and video games. Never thought I would become an addict, but the new Final Fantasy game is hard not to keep playing. God, I’m a gamer, hehehehehehe.

If I’m honest, I am going crazy here doing basically nothing. Two more weeks of this monotony and I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can’t wait. I am definitely a type A personality and I NEED to be doing something at all times.

Don’t get me wrong, reading about 60 books and playing chess is OK, but I NEED to be constantly moving and shaking, (Usually my ass). Oh come on, it WAS funny, Laugh dammit.

I MAY also be getting horny again, three times I’ve already masturbated today. Ya see, some things NEVER change, thank goodness. Well, gotta go, it’s time for my fencing lesson…Just kidding, my chess table is set up and Victoria is going to attempt to beat me…Fat Chance.

Bye for now, and love to all.