Sooz’s Thoughts

Ever have one of those lazy, crazy day’s of Summer? That’s what’s happening here today. I’m sittin’, thinkin’, and drinkin’, just enjoying the sunshine, and taking in the beautiful weather, oh, and the 108 degree heat.

People always ask me, “Sooz, don’t you get used to the heat after a while?” I tell them, “Do you think you could get used to being cooked in an oven?” Let’s face it, anything over 90 is HOT.

Hell, I can’t even sit by the pool, unless I’m in the water, forget about it, (That was my best Jersey accent), OK, I’ll keep my day job. Seriously, it’s funny to watch the tourists, they COME here for the heat, and then, bitch about it ALL day. Hehehehehe.

I’m sittin’ inside, reading a Dean Koontz book called “Life Expectancy”, and I must say, it’s really thrilling. I can’t seem to put it down. I have always liked him as an author, even got to meet him once when we were shooting an Ad campaign in his area. He was a very charming and gracious man.

As an aside, I would like to tell you the blog I had yesterday on positive thinking was as true as the sun in the sky. I am totally convinced that it really DID change my life. If you believe hard enough in a positive way, good things will come to you.

Let’s say for an example you want to get a higher paying job, see the new job in your mind’s eye, and then visualize yourself WORKING in that job. Say to yourself over and over, “ I Love my new job in…Bla, Bla, Bla.

Do this for an extended period, and one day soon, you will have done whatever you need to do to obtain this new position. It REALLY works. I believe the Cosmos is aligned with positive energy, and WANTS to please us by providing what we want and need.

OK, enough said, I must get back to my book now. Have a great day everyone and think positive thoughts…

Until Later..

Man With Gun Tattoo on Forehead Charged With Possessing Firearm

According to WYFF-TV, Michael Vines, 24, was arrested after he slammed his car into a power pole Saturday night.

The charges included, driving under a suspended license, driving too fast for conditions, and yup, you guessed it, possession of a firearm.

The firefighters , who were first on the scene, claimed that Michael threw out a handgun into the grass. Because he was previously arrested, the tattoo constituted of possession of a  deadly weapon.

After an exhaustive search, police found a .38 caliber handgun burrowed in long grass. The REAL gun was logged into evidence, and Michael is awaiting trial.

Some people just don’t have ANY luck…

Until Later…

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

My husband is in the Navy and is currently deployed to the Mediterranean. We always have a great sex life when he is here, however, I am getting as horny as a dog in heat.

My next door neighbor’s husband is beginning to look awful sexy to me lately. He comes out in the morning with very tight fitting shorts which pretty much shows everything.

He always says hello and sometimes we will talk. Is it wrong to covet my neighbor’s husband? I really need some action.

Horny Toad

 

Dear Horny Toad:

Wait…HOW tight WERE his shorts? Can you see his ass really well? Oh, never mind, back to the moment at hand Sooz. The correct and moral answer is, keep your cotton pickin’ hands off your neighbor’s husband’s shorts.

Remember those vows that you took when you were married, till death do us part? There are ALWAYS Dildos and Vibrators to help hold you over. Honor those vows, and screw the life out of your husband when he returns…Good luck…

 

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Drunk Tales

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I woke up today, hungover, and ready to do it all over again. I know what you’re saying, “Poor little rich girl…Awwww” but hey, I’m bored and I like to drink. What better way to relieve a hangover than with a few quick shots of vodka and wine.

I decided I would get good and shit faced, and then see how long it would take me to put on my make-up. I’m already om my fourth vodka mixed with wine, and I am starting to feel pretty good. My hangover is just about gone, and I am feeling as frisky as well, a drunk woman in need.

In case you were wondering, my day starts early. I was up and drinking at 6:45 AM, and to keep you updated, I’m now starting my fifth wine and shot of vodka.

I like to drink while wearing only my bra and panties. It gives me that feeling wild and wholly feeling, like I am a panther stalking her prey. For those of you who may be wondering, I am wearing a pink lace bra with a matching pink thong. I REALLY need to be fucked.

Sorry, I just stepped away for a moment while I let my fingers do the walking. Well, that, and a great vibrator…Wink!!! Anyway, I am really starting to feel the alcohol now. Each sip is heavenly, and slides down my gullet like a snake eating a mouse. God, I love being drunk. Number six is going down.

One more shot and I am gonna try the makeup thingy. It’s kinda funny because I just looked in the mirror and I see myself with glazed and half open eyes, and then, I notice my tits, they look MAHHVELOUS!!!!!

Moving on, base, foundation, sealer, rouge and mascara, some eye shadow and a nice gentle pink lipstick with some gloss. Holy SHIT, this took me 45 min. Sure, I look like a gorgeous drunk, ( with GREAT tits), but NOW, I’m so drunk, and I need a nap.  Shit, gotta go, feel free to take advantage of me, my legs will be spread and waiting. Until Later…

 

 

The Warthog, Wart or Hog…Discuss

Now THERE’S a face to love, eh? I feel sorry for this animal. The poor beast gets harassed by the general public as being the ugliest mammal on God’s green Earth.

Let’s be honest, take the ugliest man or woman you can imagine, and then compare them to the warthog, the Humans will look like Adonis’ and the women like Venus.

Think of all the mean things that get said about this lowly creature, like:

 “You’re so ugly, when you were first born your parents named you SHIT HAPPENS”

 “When you went to a Haunted house you came out with an application.”

 “You’re so ugly, you make an ONION cry.”

This of course was just the beginning. They could never get into Harvard or Yale even WITH a 200 IQ, why, you guessed it, they would frighten all the other students.  Or, what about a pet, no one wants a wart hog. Personally, I feel sorry for them.

So the next time you’re meandering through a zoo, if you spot one of these lovely creatures, before you shout out something about how ugly they are, think twice and give them a break.

Oh, and for the record,  thank your lucky stars that YOU weren’t born a warthog, just sayin.

 

The Great Light Fight Debate

Hi everyone. If you’re like me, you are enjoying all the joys of the Holiday season. If NOT, what’s your problem Mr. Grinch? Anyway, I came here today because I’ve been watching The Great Light Fight on Television.

For those of you who either live in a closet, or, don’t watch TV, it’s a show about who can decorate their houses the most gaudy, and fill up their ENTIRE property line full of lights, blow up figures, and mind boggling displays to music.

People who are expert judges, (Celebrities), come to see which house can make their electric meter move the fastest for the longest length of time. If you are declared the winner, you get 50,000 dollars AND, the best part, a Christmas Ornament that lights up with the old style Christmas bulbs.

My question…WHY??? Look, I am all for lighting your home for the Holidays, BUT, some of these people start in October to have their display done for Xmas. Again…WHY???

Some of the participants have as many as 2 acres to light, and by golly, they DO. I don’t know how you guys feel about this, but I just think it is Cray Cray. I mean, WHO has TIME to do all of this work? Fifty foot lit Xmas trees, merry go rounds, Ferris Wheels, and a Santa’s Workshop, (All home made), with the REAL SANTA working inside. OK, I MAY have lied about the real Santa, but, everything else was true.

Are they nice? Yes, but in my opinion, they lean towards the GAUDY. I mean WHO NEEDS all of that? Is it worth it for 50K and a 12.00 dollar trophy ornament? Not to me. So, that begs the question, why do people go through all this effort for such a SHORT period of time?

On TV, it’s because they are carrying on the work of their parents, or their wife who just passed. Is this for REAL, or is it just good Television? I’ll let you folks decide. Write me and let me know what YOU think. In the mean time, I guess I better go out and buy a few more lights.

Until Later…

 

 

Dear Santa

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Dear Santa

Once again, it’s time for all of us “Good Girls” to write Santa for our Xmas requests. I, for one, have been a VERY good girl so I believe having a 125 page list is JUSTIFIED!!!

I’ve decided to only ask for the top five on my list because, well, let’s face it Santa, you are a busy guy and may not be able to fit ALL my presents in your sack along with all your other good girls and boys. 

OK, so here goes Santa: 

  1. I want a Pink Cheery Pro 40 Clitoral Stimulator in magenta—For those long and lonely nights. Cum on Santa, wink, YOU know what I’m talking about. 
  1. A 10 function little black panty thong—This little baby when worn, can bring you to the “BIG O” while shopping, or in the boudoir with your favorite date. A MUST have for EVERY sexy gal. 
  1. How about a sustained loving relationship, either girl OR guy, (As long as he has a big dick). I could really USE one. Hey, how about you, are you tired of the old ball and chain yet? Maybe she is baking you sugar FREE cookies these days, or using SKIM milk? What do ya say baby, give me a go? 
  1. I would like all my friends here to become rich and famous. There, who SAYS I am NOT generous. 
  1. Peace to ALL Nations—I REALIZE this is a tall order Santa, I am just afraid that Humanity cannot solve all the problems we have by themselves. Your helpful, smiling ways would certainly make a big difference throughout the planet. Please see what you can do, OK? 

 I want to thank you for reading this, and I hope you can accommodate me on my wish list. I sincerely hope that you, Rudolph, and all the other elves and reindeer have a very Happy and Merry Christmas. 

  1. P.S. —When I said I was “A Good Girl” this year, I meant to say as good as I could be.

Muah Santa,

 Love ya.

Sooz

Odd but True Xmas Gifts

Sexy woman in panties

OK, here’s the low down, it’s getting time to buy all your Xmas presents, as Black Friday approaches. Sure, you can buy aunt Ghirta her FAVORITE socks again, and certainly let’s not forget Uncle Clyde’s favorite booze so he can STAY pickled, OR, you can shop at Sooz’s home delivery facility and use some of MY gift ideas.

Mine may be a little offbeat, however, I’ve been told there is a niche for everyone, right? Here are just a few of my ideas for Xmas that will wet ANYONE’S whistle.

  • Disappearing Hair Mug –Yup that’s right, it starts, showing a full frontal view of my pussy. As you drink your favorite beverage, my pubic hair disappears until I am as shaved as a brand new spankin’ baby. Just imagine the possibilities? Only 15.99

 

  • Trip the Light Fantastic With Sooz Handbook—People, you don’t wanna miss out on this. This will show you HOW to get a date, where to go, and what to DO when the timing is right. The perfect handbook for every guy and gal. A steal at only 22.95.

 

  • Masturbation Handguide for Dummys—Yes, yes, I can hear you now, “But Sooz, I KNOW how to masturbate”. Believe me folks, you may know how to choke the chicken, or make yourself pulsate like a river, BUT, I guarantee UNBELIEVABLE MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCES after you read my book. Who doesn’t want to CUM 6 or 7 times a day like I do? Read my book and become a masturbation EXPERT like me. Today thru next week, only 25.99.

 

  • A Date with Sooz—OK folks, this was a last minute decision, but, I NEED to get LAID. For only 250.00, you can date me, converse with me, and if your lucky, take me to your place and show me a good time. (Wink…Wink).

 

OR, those socks are still available. The choice is YOURS, I’m SURE you will make the RIGHT one. Muah!!!

 

 

             

 

The Fable of Thoughts.com

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Once upon a time, a long time ago, (Well, it wasn’t really THAT long ago), there was a man named Ben Ogden. Ben was born cute, and with a silver spoon stuck in his mouth. Luckily, a nearby dentist was able to remove it so that Ben, a well liked rich kid, could go about, become even wealthier, and go on to create his own free website.

The site he created was born out of a “One Love Philosophy”, this meant that everyone would be kind and loving towards each other, and that they would all be free to print whatever they wanted.

This worked well for a while until the TROLLS came. Mean and ugly, these trolls would work their magic to disrupt all the good conversations that were going on in Thoughts land.

Ben, being a benevolent god, raised his powerful hand and behold, T2 came into being, and it was good…Once again, order was restored and we all went along our happy ways.

Then, one day, Ben decided to create a NEW Thoughts, one with awesome imagery, quick response time, and all the bells and whistles you could possibly think of. The writers were skeptical, yet, with their knowledge of T2 and the ease it was to use, they bellied up to the bar, got good and drunk, and let Ben once again have his way.

Alas, this was to be the beginning of the end. Ben went on god hiatus, which is a playground for only the richest of gods, and left the new Thoughts.com floundering. Flounder it did as pictures wouldn’t load, message systems went haywire, and once again the trolls returned with a vengeance.

The old Thoughts.com was gone and the new one went on and off line like an electrical panel.Woe was everyone as the “One Love Philosophy” died, and was replaced with constant bickering and turmoil.

Once again, after a long time at play, Ben returned with a vengeance, and he swore that he would fix the current mess…BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seems the more he fixed it, the more it faltered. Once again, “the “Woe is me” attitude returned.

People started to leave for the comfort of other sites. After enough good writers left, Ben once again raised his powerful right hand and created a completely new site called Thinkr.xyz.something or other…Whatever…

I had had enough. I picked up my tablet and headed off for greener pastures. Ben…This morale is for you…

“If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix it.”

Just sayin!!!!!!

Sooz

A Cheesy Story by Sooz

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Once upon a time, in a foreign country, far, far away, (I STILL love that opening), there lived a beautiful girl named Cracker. Hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t name the kid, I would have called her Cinderella, or perhaps Shannin. Geez, what some parents call their kids these days.

Anyway, Cracker lived in a beautiful farming village, tucked away in an area where there are fresh, clean waters, and beautiful snow capped mountains. A cabin overlooking the valley displayed Nature’s wonders, and a booming community below.

Cracker was a bright child, she was filled with youthful exuberance, and a profound curiosity of the unknown. She was bored with the small community lifestyle however, and wanted to be an entrepreneur.

One day while in the barn milking the cow, she thought, hum, what would happen if I took some of the rennet from the drying calves liver (YUCK), and added it to the cow’s milk. Wondering … “What If”, she took some cows milk, added the rennet, and thought maybe try some lemon as a little zest. Nothing happened.

Then she thought, OK, let me heat it under a fire and see what happens. When she did, she noticed that the milk began to curdle, Quickly, she got an old cloth and tried sifting out the milk from the remaining lumpy by product.

She let it sit out in the weather for a couple of days, while also pressing the hardened result down between two heavy books. After a couple weeks she ventured out to try her invention. Well, low and behold, it was delicious.

She took it into her parents house and made them taste it. To their surprise, they LOVED it. Her parents said she had a hit here, and took it to sell in the market. It seemed that Cracker just couldn’t make the product fast enough. As soon as she would make some, it would immediately sell out.

That my friends is the story of how cheese was first made. Oh, by the way, did I tell you her last name??? Barrel. And Now you know, the LIAR’S truth.