International Nose Picking Day

Woman picking nose | Custom-Designed Illustrations ~ Creative Market

I realize this may seem disgusting, but, if it wasn’t done often AND all over the world, there would be no such day to celebrate. So, take advantage of this mega opportunity and get disgusting.

Hey, don’t look at me and shake your heads saying…”Sooz must be drunk”. OK, I AM but that’s not the point, it really IS International Nose Picking Day. That means for those of you who may not understand, place your finger or fingers in your nose and start PICKING it!!!

As an added bonus folks, it is ALSO German Beer drinking Day, hey, I can’t MAKE this stuff up!!! Drinking lots of German Beer may help you get involved with the nose picking theme. I am personally doing my part by drinking Budweiser (A German beer), and taking shots of Jack Daniels.

The secret to a good nose pick is to do it stealthily.  You can be in the busiest place in the world, take your finger SLOWLY to your nose and give it a good pick. If you did it correctly, no one will chastise you OR even KNOW that you have done it.

I don’t know about YOU but when I pick, I go in for seconds and sometimes thirds. Luckily, I have mastered this stealth behavior and could do it right in front of you without you suspecting a thing. It’s too bad they don’t have contests for the BEST nose picker on the planet. I would definitely be in the top three.

Anyway, I hope you have some good German beer and if the mood hits ya, go ahead and pick, I know I’M going too. Stay safe out there, wash your hands, wear a mask, and make sure that you social distance with each other. Love to all…

Until Later…

To All With Cabin Fever

drunk red head

First, let’s define cabin fever. Cabin fever is listlessness, irritability, and similar symptoms resulting from long periods of isolation or being confined to an indoor area for long periods of time. Does this sound familiar?

If you, like others around the globe are experiencing this phenomenon, permit me to give you some suggestions on how to cope with this pressing situation. Please Note: These are ONLY suggestions and NOT CDC approved.

  • Play games either with your family or on the internet with other “normal” folks.

 

  • Start drinking if you need a little pick me up, pretty soon ALL your troubles disappear. Caveat here: This may also erase your day to day memory.

 

  • Read a good book-preferably an erotic story which will excite you.

 

  • Take care of these erotic needs as often as you need. This will relax you.
  • Work you ass off around your home doing spring cleaning. This is MUCH easier in conjunction with point #2.
  • Dance around your home naked. This is a fun way to uplift your spirits AND will entice you to become erotic.

 

Hopefully, you’ll feel MUCH better and have a good time while we are imprisoned within our homes. I am with you all, and I sincerely hope as you do that this virus will be eradicated.

Until Later…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

Sooz’s Thoughts

Image result for drunk woman wearing a top but no panties

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb? Hmmmm…Intense music rises:

Two, one to actually change the lightbulb, and one to stop the room from spinning. J

So… How is everyone doing today? Today, we celebrate “No Pants Day”. Yup, you heard me right, it is no pants day. Hopefully none of you wore pants anywhere today. I’m NOT kidding, the celebration started in 1886 on the first day of May. “Why”, you ask, can’t tell ya, it appears no one really knows, OR, at least no one is talking.

I myself took it one step further, I am wearing a stylish top with NO pants, OR underwear. Yup, I am naked from the waist down. Naturally, I haven’t gone out shopping or anything, I am just lying around the house today with my Vodka and cranberry watching the world go by. “What you say”…”It must be nice”… “Yup, it is”!!!!

Let me say that I don’t want anyone to get arrested for exposure or anything, so, women, you MIGHT want to wear a skirt, (If you’re NOT into just wearing panties), and guys can always either wear their underwear, OR perhaps a Highland Kilt.

Everyone enjoy the day as I am, and remember, “don’t drink and drive”. Hell, at THIS point, I’m NOT even sober enough to CALL my driver. Have a good one everyone.

Until Later…

 

 

 

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb? Hmmmm…Intense music rises:

Two, one to actually change the lightbulb, and one to stop the room from spinning.  🙂

So… How is everyone doing today? Today, we celebrate “No Pants Day”. Yup, you heard me right, it is no pants day. Hopefully none of you wore pants anywhere today. I’m NOT kidding, the celebration started in 1886 on the first day of May. “Why”, you ask, can’t tell ya, it appears no one really knows, OR, at least no one is talking.

I myself took it one step further, I am wearing a stylish top with NO pants, OR underwear. Yup, I am naked from the waist down. Naturally, I haven’t gone out shopping or anything, I am just lying around the house today with my Vodka and cranberry watching the world go by. “What you say”…”It must be nice”… “Yup, it is”!!!!

Let me say that I don’t want anyone to get arrested for exposure or anything, so, women, you MIGHT want to wear a skirt, (If you’re NOT into just wearing panties), and guys can always either wear their underwear, OR perhaps a Highland Kilt. This way, EVERYBODY is covered legally.

Everyone enjoy the day as I am, and remember, “don’t drink and drive”. Hell, at THIS point, I’m NOT even sober enough to CALL my driver. Have a good one everyone.

Until Later…

 

 

 

Pop Goes the Weasel…What???

Related image 

Most of you have heard the song Pop Goes the Weasel right, my question is, what the HELL does that mean. Yes, yes, I know what a weasel is, but for the life of me I DON’T know why it should go POP!

Did somebody blow the weasel up in a terrorist attack, and if so, why hasn’t anybody ever looked for this terrorist group that blows up weasels? I know what you’re thinking, as you’re scratching your heads, yeah…Why IS that?

Well, to make everyone feel better, I have personally made it my life’s mission to investigate this heinous act. Another thing just occurred to me, what ever happened to the mysterious monkey that was chasing said weasel around the mulberry bush, was he a PART of the terrorist organization?

I have decided to follow the money trail. Let’s face it; SOMEONE had to pay for the hit, right? Then there is the code within the song…

I’ve no time to plead and pine,
I’ve no time to wheedle,
Kiss me quick and then I’m gone
Pop! Goes the weasel.

I am having a friend of mine, who happens to work for the CIA, investigate, and try and CRACK this code. Who is kissing the monkey, or is someone trying to “KISS” the weasel. Believe me, sooner or later I will figure this out.

Fear NOT, my friends, I am on it like Sherlock Holmes, with my sidekick Dot. Pretty soon, this most heinous terrorist group will be found and dealt with accordingly.

Until Later…

 

 

 

 

Wacky Christmas Gifts

Image result for sexy Xmas elf

In keeping with the Holiday spirit, I’ve decided to give an early release date for the wacky Xmas gifts. Please pick what YOU would like to get for your Aunt Mildred or Uncle Stachu.

For those of you who do White Elephant Gifting, here are a couple of great ideas for that someone special.

  • How about an ACTUAL White Elephant? You’ll have to white wash it, but hey, how can you go wrong?
  • Image result for A white elephant

 

  • Food for a month for your White Elephant. This usually will be just a tad bit more than the elephant itself, figure maybe 2000 dollars per day.

 

  • Lodging for your White Elephant-I doubt that you have a bedroom large enough to keep it so figure another 7K for the pen.

 

  • The ultimate wine Bottle glass-Take your favorite wine and pour it in the glass. It will hold the entire bottle. For those of you like ME, better buy 3, just in case your friend gets REALLY thirsty.
  • BigMouth Inc. Wine Bottle Glass

 

Or, how about some bacon toothpaste, hey, we ALL like bacon right?

These are just SOME of the ideas I have in mind so don’t delay, BUY them today.

Accoutrements Mr. Bacon's 2.5 Oz Bacon Flavored Toothpaste

 

Until Later…

 

 

 

The Late Great Toilet Paper Debate Rolls On

Image result for over or under toilet paper debateImage result for over or under toilet paper debate

Have you ever notice when you’re on the toilet and about ready to finish the job by completing the paperwork, which way the tissue rolls? Some have it set to roll from the top, while others have it roll from the bottom.

Take me for example, I am an under roller. Yup, I am SO committed in fact that I will actually change the OVER roll to the under roll anywhere I go. Why, you may ask, because I MUST, that’s why.

Now I KNOW all you OVER rollers are saying: ”But Sooz, you’re just plain WRONG,  everyone KNOWS the correct way is to roll it OVER.” Yes, Yes, I know all about the 1891 patent for toilet paper which states that the correct way to install it is so that it rolls OVER and NOT under. To that I say POPPYCOCK!!!

In history, there have been many successful UNDER rollers. Let’s start with Albert Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, and even Paul McCartney, all UNDER rollers. Sure, George Washington, John Lennon, and President Obama were all OVER rollers, but who cares, we, (The UNDER rollers), have the brightest man in history on our side.

The TRUTH is…WHO GIVES A FLYING DAMN? If it Works for you, then go with the flow, err…roll. I will NEVER be convinced that I am using a damn toilet paper incorrectly, so OOH.

Do whichever makes ya feel good, and to HELL with the facts. I have spoken.

Until Later…

 

 

Sooz’s Thoughts

Ever have one of those lazy, crazy day’s of Summer? That’s what’s happening here today. I’m sittin’, thinkin’, and drinkin’, just enjoying the sunshine, and taking in the beautiful weather, oh, and the 108 degree heat.

People always ask me, “Sooz, don’t you get used to the heat after a while?” I tell them, “Do you think you could get used to being cooked in an oven?” Let’s face it, anything over 90 is HOT.

Hell, I can’t even sit by the pool, unless I’m in the water, forget about it, (That was my best Jersey accent), OK, I’ll keep my day job. Seriously, it’s funny to watch the tourists, they COME here for the heat, and then, bitch about it ALL day. Hehehehehe.

I’m sittin’ inside, reading a Dean Koontz book called “Life Expectancy”, and I must say, it’s really thrilling. I can’t seem to put it down. I have always liked him as an author, even got to meet him once when we were shooting an Ad campaign in his area. He was a very charming and gracious man.

As an aside, I would like to tell you the blog I had yesterday on positive thinking was as true as the sun in the sky. I am totally convinced that it really DID change my life. If you believe hard enough in a positive way, good things will come to you.

Let’s say for an example you want to get a higher paying job, see the new job in your mind’s eye, and then visualize yourself WORKING in that job. Say to yourself over and over, “ I Love my new job in…Bla, Bla, Bla.

Do this for an extended period, and one day soon, you will have done whatever you need to do to obtain this new position. It REALLY works. I believe the Cosmos is aligned with positive energy, and WANTS to please us by providing what we want and need.

OK, enough said, I must get back to my book now. Have a great day everyone and think positive thoughts…

Until Later..

Man With Gun Tattoo on Forehead Charged With Possessing Firearm

According to WYFF-TV, Michael Vines, 24, was arrested after he slammed his car into a power pole Saturday night.

The charges included, driving under a suspended license, driving too fast for conditions, and yup, you guessed it, possession of a firearm.

The firefighters , who were first on the scene, claimed that Michael threw out a handgun into the grass. Because he was previously arrested, the tattoo constituted of possession of a  deadly weapon.

After an exhaustive search, police found a .38 caliber handgun burrowed in long grass. The REAL gun was logged into evidence, and Michael is awaiting trial.

Some people just don’t have ANY luck…

Until Later…

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

My husband is in the Navy and is currently deployed to the Mediterranean. We always have a great sex life when he is here, however, I am getting as horny as a dog in heat.

My next door neighbor’s husband is beginning to look awful sexy to me lately. He comes out in the morning with very tight fitting shorts which pretty much shows everything.

He always says hello and sometimes we will talk. Is it wrong to covet my neighbor’s husband? I really need some action.

Horny Toad

 

Dear Horny Toad:

Wait…HOW tight WERE his shorts? Can you see his ass really well? Oh, never mind, back to the moment at hand Sooz. The correct and moral answer is, keep your cotton pickin’ hands off your neighbor’s husband’s shorts.

Remember those vows that you took when you were married, till death do us part? There are ALWAYS Dildos and Vibrators to help hold you over. Honor those vows, and screw the life out of your husband when he returns…Good luck…

 

 

 

 

Wednesday’s Drunk Tales

https://i2.wp.com/ep.yimg.com/ay/yhst-39743681667948/hot-pink-thong-and-bikini-bra-top-set-12.jpg

I woke up today, hungover, and ready to do it all over again. I know what you’re saying, “Poor little rich girl…Awwww” but hey, I’m bored and I like to drink. What better way to relieve a hangover than with a few quick shots of vodka and wine.

I decided I would get good and shit faced, and then see how long it would take me to put on my make-up. I’m already om my fourth vodka mixed with wine, and I am starting to feel pretty good. My hangover is just about gone, and I am feeling as frisky as well, a drunk woman in need.

In case you were wondering, my day starts early. I was up and drinking at 6:45 AM, and to keep you updated, I’m now starting my fifth wine and shot of vodka.

I like to drink while wearing only my bra and panties. It gives me that feeling wild and wholly feeling, like I am a panther stalking her prey. For those of you who may be wondering, I am wearing a pink lace bra with a matching pink thong. I REALLY need to be fucked.

Sorry, I just stepped away for a moment while I let my fingers do the walking. Well, that, and a great vibrator…Wink!!! Anyway, I am really starting to feel the alcohol now. Each sip is heavenly, and slides down my gullet like a snake eating a mouse. God, I love being drunk. Number six is going down.

One more shot and I am gonna try the makeup thingy. It’s kinda funny because I just looked in the mirror and I see myself with glazed and half open eyes, and then, I notice my tits, they look MAHHVELOUS!!!!!

Moving on, base, foundation, sealer, rouge and mascara, some eye shadow and a nice gentle pink lipstick with some gloss. Holy SHIT, this took me 45 min. Sure, I look like a gorgeous drunk, ( with GREAT tits), but NOW, I’m so drunk, and I need a nap.  Shit, gotta go, feel free to take advantage of me, my legs will be spread and waiting. Until Later…