Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I read your column all the time and I was hoping you could answer a question for me. You see, my wife and I have a terrific sex life, but, she has to be dead drunk in order to achieve orgasm.

I love my wife, we’ve been married 15 years, but I would like to have sober sex with her. The problem has been every time we have tried it sober, she never comes to orgasm. Give her a bottle and a half or two of wine however, and she becomes a sexual goddess. The funny part is, she usually doesn’t get drunk anyother time.

I guess I am glad that she “wants” to have sex and orgasm with me enough to get drunk, I just wish there was something I could say or do to help her overcome her inhibitions towards sex while sober.

I understand you are an alcoholic who also enjoys having sex while drunk. What’s the thought process behind this? Plese help me if you can.

Concerned Husband

 

Dear Concerned Husband:

To pin point this is difficult as there are a number of reasons for this. One, it MIGHT depend on how she grew up and her parents attitudes about sex, or, she may feel uncomfortable about sex in general where as the alcohol takes those inhibitions away.

She might just have a low libido, many women do. Sometime testosterone drug therapy helps these women. What I would suggest is to have her see her Dr. if possible and see what he or she says about this.

The Dr. may reccomend a specialist who may be able to help and hopefully you can return to a “normal” sex life. I must tell you though, for ME, I still like to be drunk when engaging in sex.

I sincerely hope that she goes to the Dr. and explains her perticulars. Good luck with this.

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

Here is my question. Recently, I learned to play the clarinet. Though I have played many instruments, this one was a bit more of a challenge in some ways.

I have played piano in front of large audiences in the past, but, for some reason, when I try to play clarinet for a couple friends it mostly comes out as squeaks and squeals.

My two friends, Pat and Bob, are very supportive, in fact, too supportive at times, but my feelings of inadequacy are starting to affect my musical confidence.

 I am a mess about this because playing the clarinet in the symphony has always been a dream of mine, and one that I can pursue now that I am over my lip balm addiction. What should I do about this? I fear auditioning in front of my peers and looking a fool. Thank you.

 Blowing In The Wind

 

Dear Blowing in the Wind:

A musical instrument is like giving a BJ, practice makes perfect. The more you practice, the better you will get. Good luck.

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

For a while now, I have wondered how broken you have be before you’re too far gone to be saved. I used to think I was too far gone, but then an old friend came back into my life we’ll call him guy x,  and he showed me that I could be loved.

I started to fall for him, but he was stuck between me and another girl. For a while, he flirted with both of us and said he didn’t know which of us to choose. At first, we overlooked it because, well, he was a guy and you know how guys can be.

After I became friends with the other girl, and realized how great of a person she was, that’s when I realized how much pain it was really causing us. At first, I didn’t notice my pain, but when I did,  I pushed it back inside.

I knew I needed to do something for myself, but it still shattered my heart. Now, I am starting to get to be friends with this other guy, we’ll call guy m. I told guy x that we should just go back to being just friends because the other way was causing too much pain.

The other girl introduced me to guy m, and we are still getting to know each other. He is very kind, and funny, and I think I’m starting to like him. Here’s the thing, he likes me, but I’m afraid… What if I fall for him and get hurt, or, what if I’m not good enough? What if he deserves better? What should I do Sooz?

Broken Girl 18

 

Dear Broken Girl 18:

Here is what I have learned through many relationships in life. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” Life is a crapshoot my dear, being only 18, you will probably get your heart broken several more times before finding Mr. Right.

Don’t let the bad taste of one bad apple sour you on the other apples in the tree. You deserve to be happy, take a chance, fall in love, lust, and have some fun. If it works out, great, if it doesn’t, well,  move on and go to the next man.

Take a chance with guy M and be happy while you can. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

Hello Dreamshadow, I have a question to ask Sooz. It is for my friend, of course. “I work in sales at a company that sells, office supplies. It is a decent job and my coworkers are pretty cool for the most part, but there is this one sales guy who is always very serious and way over the top about everything. 

 My BF also works here and we have been pranking this, “way too serious guy” for years. Keep in mind that these are never truly harmful pranks and he generally takes it well. This one time, we left a voodoo doll on his desk with one pin in it on the right thigh. 

 What he didn’t know is that the metal pin was actually a touch-sensitive contact that activated a small remote vibrating buzzer device that my BF had in his pocket. When the pin was touched, the small device buzzed silently and my BF would yell, “OUCH!” from anywhere in the office and grab his “boo boo”. 

Then BF would rub his thigh and say things like, “I really need to get this checked out.” Mr. Oh-So-Serious began to think he had power over my BF. After a couple days we left a doll that resembled the guy on my BF’s desk. 

 When BF got into the office, he picked it up and when the serious guy noticed, he looked panicked. Later in the day, BF got a cancellation over the phone, and pretended to be upset about it. He jabbed the doll mindlessly with a pair of scissors, missed the torso, and stuck it in the doll’s upper-right arm.

 

The man walked around rubbing his bicep for several hours. This went on for quite a while, and the guy actually ended up stealing the doll. We caught him, and he was super embarrassed, but as you can see it was a truly harmless prank. Lately, we have been running short on pranks. I mean after 10 years of this thing has gotten a bit stale. What should we do SOOZ?

 Devious Prankster

 

Dear Devious Prankster:

Hey, I’ve played MY share of practical jokes on people, but never any that really messed with someone’s head. Why don’t you and your best friend just invite the guy out for a few beers, get to really know him a little better and end all of this tomfoolery.

One of these days you or your best friend may need him for something and would want him to be on YOUR team. Play nice boys, remember, “KARMA is a BITCH”…

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

 

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Dear Sooz:

I am writing you today because I need some advice. My mother is 62 and she has recently been diagnosed with early onset Alzerheimers disease. I am just beside myself Sooz.

It breaks my heart seeing her decline on such a rapid basis. Once a professor, she now forgets things that have happened in the not too distant past. I have been to several Dr’s., and they have all given me the same diagnosis.

I can’t seem to deal with the previous memories of us and the thoughts of the future. Currently, I am her caregiver, and my heart just breaks on a daily basis. What can I do to help with my growing sad feelings?

Heart Broken

 

Dear Heart Broken:

First, let me say how sorry I am for both YOU and your mom. This is a HORRIBLE disease that strips one of his/her dignity. The caregiver has the toughest job as you have demonstrated, and while I applaud your selflessness, I emphasize with your feelings.

If you can, try and get some help with the Caregiving so you can do things like go to support groups for Alzheimer’s caregivers. These groups I have heard are very helpful, and help with the same feelings you are going through now.

Again, I applaud you and will send you some groups in your area. I wish you all the best.

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz-Erotica

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Dear Sooz:

I just read your blog entitled Sooz’s Diary and I have a few questions for you if you don’t mind answering them. I am curious how you got started into the world of S&M and I want to know what you find so intriguing about it?

I never really could understand the whole pain thing.

Curious

 

Dear Curious:

It started back when I was about 15, I had hurt my leg playing soccer and this girl named Olga came up to me. She kissed my leg, gave me a hug and told me everything would be OK. I had such feelings of pleasure; even then, I almost came.

Later, Olga became a Madame and I made my first appointment years ago. We have been friends ever since. Sometimes SHE is the Dom, and sometimes I am.

While I enjoy ALL varieties of sex, this is one where I can lose myself within the pain and pleasure, and cum to the highest heights. Many enjoy this type of sexual response; however, it is NOT for everyone. Hopefully that answered your question.

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

OK, here is the situation, “I work in an office with a woman who mumbles as she types and reads. She hisses her exaggerated s’s, she’s a tattletale, and likes to sabotage the rest of us. On top of that, she is always doling out unsolicited advice on health and diet.

 I thought I would write and ask before doing something passive aggressive like eating lots of beans before work, refilling her white out with mayonnaise, or dipping her pigtails in the paper-shredder.

Yes, I have tried talking with her, but she refuses to listen to sense. The bosses know she is a pain in the butt, but she just isn’t getting it. I mean she does her work well enough, but replacing her isn’t really an option. “Please let me know how you would handle it.”

~Annoyed

Dear Annoyed:

I must admit, your thoughts on this are all very well thought out; remind me NEVER to piss you off. This actually happened to me years ago when I was just starting. Here’s what I did that seemed to work wonders.

First, get a card, something that has to do with the office, then, type your grievances down, and have it signed The Office Staff. Then, place it on her desk when she isn’t there. If she has ANY brains at all, she will absorb the message and then shut the Hell up.

If this doesn’t work, I’d go with YOUR ideas. The bean remedy was absolutely hilarious….

Good Luck…

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

My problem is I am not getting enough sex from my wife. We started out like gangbusters and would have sex every night and twice on the weekends. Now, however, we are only making love about once per week.

We are both still young Sooz, my wife is 32 and I am 33. The sex just started to diminish since the arrival of our son.

I realize that taking care of a household (She doesn’t work outside the home) is tough, but I feel rejected and lonely without our lovemaking. What can we do to re-kindle our relationship again like it used to be?

Sexless Husband

 

Dear Sexless Husband:

Let me say this, if your relationship with your wife is strong, then you have a good chance of working this out. Understand that taking care of a baby is HARD work, that, plus the housework, you wife is probably physically exhausted by the end of the day. I am sure that the only thing she is feeling is a nice warm bed and 8 hours of sleep.

That being said, there are many things you can do to help rekindle your sex relationships. First of all, TALK to her about it. Let her know how YOU feel and I am sure she will be a willing listener. More than likely SHE already KNOWS and was feeling terrible about it herself.

Try helping her out a little more than you already may be doing, let her KNOW you love her by seeing what you can do to help her feel less tired. Schedule sexual appointment times, whether it’s in the mornings or at night.

Sometimes boredom creeps into the bedroom. Try spicing things up a bit, change your routine, touch her for a longer time before jumping into lovemaking, let her know that she is the most beautiful woman who ever walked this planet. Many times, this will help rekindle the relationship.

Try and schedule at least 1 night a week for date night. It doesn’t have to be fancy, perhaps just a movie and some wine together where it is YOUR time together. Make the most of that time by catering to her and giving her the attention she needs.

Will you ever be up to 7 times a week again…NO, kiss that goodbye, things are different now. Just make the times that you do get together special, and rely on each other’s love to get you through the tough times. Good Luck!!!

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

Five years ago, my husband and I divorced. Here is the problem I am facing. You see, when my husband and I divorced, it was a tempestuous relationship with lots of hurt feelings.

Naturally, he went to his parents for comfort and support afterwards. The problem is, I love his mom and would like to carry on a relationship with her. Do you think this is even possible, or should I just leave well enough alone and  move on?

I really would appreciate your help on this one. Thanks.

Doleful Daughter in Law     

 

Dear Doleful Daughter in Law:

I see NO reason, just because you and her son have split that this should affect your relationship with her. Call her up, invite her to lunch, let HER be the judge.

If she wishes to continue her relationship with you then all is well, if NOT, drop it like a hot potato and move on. You can only push fate so far. Good Luck…

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

Recently, my boyfriend of 8 years dumped me for another woman. No rhyme or reason from him, just a, “We need to see other people”. What the Hell? For 8 years I have been his best friend, confidant, and sex partner, and all I get is, “ We need to see other people”.

Why is life so cruel? How can I go on and ever believe that one day I will really meet Mr. Right? I mean 8 fucking good years Sooz, and then like an old dog bone, I was just thrown away.

I am so angry and hurt; I don’t know how to deal with my feelings. I considered suicide, but then, I thought better of it. I got drunker than a skunk, but all I got from that was a huge hangover the next day.

My girlfriends all tell me to find someone else and move on, but at this point, I don’t know whether I want to see anyone else or not. I am just hurting so much.

Any advice you could offer me to help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening to me.

Rag Doll

 

Dear Rag Doll:

Sometimes LIFE SUCKS, there is no getting around that. He seems to be a real dick head to me and if the truth be told, you are probably better off without him.

Go out with your girlfriends and keep busy. Eventually, the pain and anger will subside and you will be able to move on, this I know from personal experience, believe me.

The saying, “Time heals all wounds” is true, there is NO quick fix here, keep busy and eventually the pain you are experiencing will lessen and let you be able to carry on normally again. Good Luck.