The Murder of a Dream

Usually, after a nice night of drinking, I fall into a deep sleep. Once asleep, I  fall into a heavy dream state, drifting into dreamland. Last night, I had  an absolutely wonderful dream.

I dreamt that I was on a plane, flying to France. With my heart racing, I had planned on asking Bella, my crush, to marry me.

Everything was planned, dotting all my I’s and crossing ll my T’s. The flowers, roses, irises, and carnations, were arranged in hearts with Bella’s name in the middle.

Balloons filled the hall, like trees line a forest. All I needed now was for Bella to walk through the door. My heart was racing, as I heard her approaching, nearing the hall door.

As  the huge hall’s portal opened,  Bella smiled with a large grin. She saw all the decorations, and from across the room, she watched as U mouthed the words I Love You.

I walked towards her, Got on one knee, and showed her the ring.  Then, I heard what sounded like a gunshot.

I immediately awoke to the sound of my neighbor having his roof repaired. The gunshots, were actually sounds from the hammers that exploded  like gongs being stricken by huge Chinese hammers.

I was asleep no more, the hammers, continually banging, woke me out of a sound sleep, thus murdering my dream.

I tried and tried to return to the dream, but without success.  Finally, I got up, went to the kitchen, poured myself a strong one, and started my day. Ugh!!!

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I have an embarrassing question to ask you. One thing you should be aware of, I am a very sexual person.

Before I was married, a year ago, I would always masturbate with my vibrator. Sometimes, I would masturbate two or three times per day.

Once married, our sex life was OK, but I never could come to an orgasm. I worried about this for a while, until one day, I pulled out my trusty vibrator and had an intense orgasm. I tried again and the same thing happened.

Once back to making love with my husband, zip. Is there something wrong with me Sooz, should I see a Dr. or psychotherapist? Please help me understand what’s happening so I can quit worrying.

Deprived Newlywed

 

Dear Deprived Newlywed:

Many times after continually using a vibrator, your body becomes accustomed to that level of intensity. What I would suggest is to try and pleasure yourself with your fingers until you are able to reach an orgasm.

Once you have achieved it, teach your husband what he needs to do in order to stimulate your clitoris to bring you to a climax. No worries, there is nothing wrong with you that a few lessons for your husband can’t fix.

From now on, when you masturbate, try NOT to use the vibrator. This will eventually make your sex life go a lot better. Best of luck to you.

 

 

Cupids Arrow

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Love, forget me not, yet deliver me to thy glory.

I have placed thy pedestal upon my altar,

And  have offered my soul for thee to ponder.

 

I ask that you shoot me with thy sweet arrow of love,

And envelope me within thy tent of sweet emotion.

Let the bells of lust  play on amongst my loins,

And may the god of love remain within my soul always.

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am a 25 year old woman who reads your column all the time. My problem is, for two years I have been going out with my boyfriend, he has been attentive, thoughtful, and is a great lover. Recently, he has been distant. I can’t put my finger on it, although recently, he has been a lot less interested in sex.

I enjoy making love with him and when he refuses me, it makes me feel unloved. This has been going on for about a month now. I don’t know how to address this without him getting angry, and or him just ignoring it.

If you could give me some insight I would really appreciate it.

Confused

 

Dear Confused:

While I have my suspicions, my guess would be he is seeing someone else. Ask him right out about why your lovemaking has diminished.

If he doesn’t have a great reason, then I would start looking for the tell tale signs; his phone, credit card receipts, him being on the internet more than usual,  secret phone calls, or late nights at work.

Sorry babe, this is how I see it. I HOPE I am wrong, but, more than likely I am NOT. Good luck and here’s hoping I’m wrong.

 

 

 

New Years Resolutions

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Well, it’s the new year again, time for those who make New Years Resolitions to start thinking about what you will change to make your life healthier and happier. Personally, I usually don’t make resolutions because usually I break them at 12:01AM on New Years Day.

This year, however, I have decided to make a few, JUST in case I might actually do a little changing. As unlikely as it seems, I actually MIGHT make a few changes. The following are MY resolutions:

  1. Stop Drinking—Yeah, like THAT is gonna happen. After 40 something years, I have had an off again, on again, love with alcohol. While I agree it would be beneficial for my health, I have always had a defeatist attitude towards this one. I WILL give it a try however, and if I fail, screw it, I will never make this one again.

 

  1. Get Healthy—Since I am already in tip top condition, I guess I will try to eat less. Hmmmm, maybe I will substitute WINE instead of food, oh no, wait, that goes against resolution number 1. Damn!!!

 

  1. Pick Up a Useful Skill or Hobby—I know, how about adding a six pack? I WAS talking about my Abbs, but now that I think about it, that DOES sound GOOD, (Licks lips sexily)

 

  1. Take a Trip—This year, I will plan a trip to Europe, I went last year and met the love of my life. I decided to release her because I felt she was encouraging me to continuing my alcoholism. I will look her up and see if I can get her back. If I become re-addicted to alcohol, it may be worth it to regain my forever love. Time will tell.

 

If you have made any resolutions, good for you. I wish you all the fortitude to stick with, and fulfill your goals. For all of you, may you see a successful and happy new year. Muah!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

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Today is Christmas, a beautiful time of the year for many, and for others, a time of strife. I wish ALL of you from the bottom of my heart, a happy and joyous Christmas.

For those who still suffer under mans cruelty, I shall pray for you, and in my heart, I KNOW that soon things will change for the better in your lives.

No matter what your suffering, may our Savior fill your hearts, and may your lives be filled with the spirit of Christ’s joy. God Bless you all, today, and throughout your lives.

May the peace of Christ be with you all…

Merry Christmas…

Sooz

 

 

 

 

Christmas Past

Hi everyone. I hope your day is going as well as mine. I am curled up by the fireplace that I hardly ever use, with of course my favorite bottle of Vodka with cranberry.

I am actually a bit pensive today, just dreaming about some of my best Christmas experiences. I remember one Christmas Eve, I must have been about 5, our home was decorated to the nines, as my Daddy did so love Christmas, and the smell that came from our kitchen as Mom was making our Christmas dinner was AMAZING.

My dad was the most loving, and kind man on Earth. That year, he had called down to the City Mission, and invited all the homeless to visit US for a wonderful Christmas dinner.

Seriously, he did. One by one, there would be a knock at the door, and our home would quickly come alive with the wanton of our Society. Mom had prepared an amazing repast, Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casseroles, freshly baked rolls, and of course a HUGE Figgy Pudding for dessert. OH MY!!!

I remember my daddy greeting the less fortunate at the door like they were all FAMILY, and he welcomed them ALL into our home. He would play Xmas songs on the piano while everyone would join in and sing. Good times.

People would eat and eat as my mom quickly replenished the food for everyone. Memories like this filled my soul full of joy, and they have transformed ME into a better Human being.

Oh sure, I still have my faults, but I ALWAYS remember the poor, and how happy they were, at least for a night when they regained their love for each other. To this day, I go to the mission, and invite the downtrodden for dinner. They are indeed the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

Sorry, I seemed to have rambled on a bit here, I do that after tipping a few pops. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed my Christmas past, and I urge you all to at least say a prayer this Holiday Season for those who are less fortunate than you. Believe me, you will be blessed 7 Times 7.

Good night, Happy Hanukkah, a very Merry Xmas to all.

 

 

 

A Line from Sooz

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Many of you know that I have been seeing a woman from France, you ALSO know that I am a recovering alcoholic, (Or drunk as I don’t attend meetings), here’s the thing, my recovery as slipped due to her.

Do I want to be a drunk for the rest of my life, no, do I want to continue seeing this woman who I am developing feelings for, yes, I am so confused right now. You see, as I write this I am PISSED. For those who don’t understand Gahlic, I’m drunk.

As always, it started with one drink of wine, then another and so on, now, I look forward to getting drunk with Bella and having incredible sex. You see, she is the only one I have found, who ALSO has a compatible sex drive like mine.

The more I drink, the more I want to drink, as it makes me feel Veeerrry Seeexxxxy, Meowwwwww…Bella loves to drink and get pissed, so do I but then I don’t want to LIVE the drunkard lifestyle anymore. I have taken a long time trying to get OVER this addiction and yet, it keeps pulling me back in.

I am at a crossroads here, I am falling in love with this woman, but, I realize that her habits are very bad for my sobriety. What to do, what to do? Perhaps I should Just Ask Sooz and see what SHE says, hehehehehehe.

If anyone has any thoughts on this that could help, please feel free to dish it out. I could really use the voice of reason right about now. God, it has taken me 3 times to write this….Hehehehehehehe.

Time to masturbate, MUAH to ALL!!!!!

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I could really use your help. My parents are from India and are very old school when it comes to getting married. My parents believe in arranged marriages, and have already made an arranged marriage for me.

I am really in a pickle here because I am already in a serious relationship. Not only are my parents against him, he is also outside of my race. I am so confused.

If I continue my relationship with my boyfriend, I may very well lose the respect and love of my parents. If I go through with the arranged marriage,

I will be doing myself a disservice and my heart will be broken. I am really torn Sooz, what shall I do?

Torn Soul

 

Dear Torn Soul:

This is America baby, everyone is entitled to choose who THEY want, NOT your parents. While I realize that this is a very old tradition in your Indian culture, you must discuss this with your parents and make them see it YOUR way.

Let them know that you love them, but your happiness should NOT be IMPOSED upon you. I believe your parents will see your side of this, if NOT, they are still your parents and will eventually get over it.

This is your life and should live it accordingly. Good Luck…

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I read your column all the time and I was hoping you could answer a question for me. You see, my wife and I have a terrific sex life, but, she has to be dead drunk in order to achieve orgasm.

I love my wife, we’ve been married 15 years, but I would like to have sober sex with her. The problem has been every time we have tried it sober, she never comes to orgasm. Give her a bottle and a half or two of wine however, and she becomes a sexual goddess. The funny part is, she usually doesn’t get drunk anyother time.

I guess I am glad that she “wants” to have sex and orgasm with me enough to get drunk, I just wish there was something I could say or do to help her overcome her inhibitions towards sex while sober.

I understand you are an alcoholic who also enjoys having sex while drunk. What’s the thought process behind this? Plese help me if you can.

Concerned Husband

 

Dear Concerned Husband:

To pin point this is difficult as there are a number of reasons for this. One, it MIGHT depend on how she grew up and her parents attitudes about sex, or, she may feel uncomfortable about sex in general where as the alcohol takes those inhibitions away.

She might just have a low libido, many women do. Sometime testosterone drug therapy helps these women. What I would suggest is to have her see her Dr. if possible and see what he or she says about this.

The Dr. may reccomend a specialist who may be able to help and hopefully you can return to a “normal” sex life. I must tell you though, for ME, I still like to be drunk when engaging in sex.

I sincerely hope that she goes to the Dr. and explains her perticulars. Good luck with this.