Just Ask Sooz

 

Dear Sooz:

I am a 24 year old woman who really enjoys sex. My husband and I were married 4 years ago and we used to make love all the time, I mean twice to three times a day. Recently, he has waned to only once per week.

I have asked him if he isn’t feeling well or if something has happened down there, and he just says that he has been tired as of late. He has been working a lot lately, even sometimes into the night.

Do you think he could be secretly having an affair? I am so distraught, please help me.

Sexy Blond

 

Dear Sexy Blond:

First of all, I am not a mind reader and couldn’t tell you if your husband is having an affair. Look for the telltale signs, credit card receipts, him or his clothing smelling like perfume that is NOT yours, continued working late at night, and of course his underwear smelling of “HER”.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, after only 4 years of being married, unless he was a player before, more than likely he IS tired. If this goes on however, you may want to do some spying on your own of hire a PI to investigate. Good luck…

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I’d like to voice my opinion in your column if it’s OK? You see, I am married to a man who is 18 years my junior. I know, everyone calls me a cougar, but I must tell you, the marriage has worked fine now for over 15 years.

I am 56 and he is 38. We met doing laundry one day when he was only 23, I was 41 at the time. When people see us holding hands or kissing, they call us sick. Usually, they describe me as robbing the cradle, but I am here to tell you that we are both very much in love.

I have always liked older men, and I must say, I consider myself a very young looking 56. Even though the’re others out there who criticize us, we are both glad we decided to get married and become lifelong partners.

I just wanted those out there who would consider me someone taking advantage of a younger man wrong. Thank you for letting me air my voice in your forum.

P.S. The sex is amazing.

In the Beginning

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In the beginning, there was a Light, or a Spirit, or something or other that said,”Let there be Man”, and man was to be. Next it said,”Let there be an Earth, so that man can have land to fight over, and for me to watch over as entertainment”, and there appeared a planet called Earth.

 

Then, being tired out after such a horrendous feat said, “ I shall now create evil”, and he created woman, to tempt and to twist man into a pretzel with her devilish ways.

 

Soon god grew tired of watching men and woman bitch at each other, so he created politicians for a NEW source of entertainment. This proved to be a wonderful accomplishment as the politicians lied, cheated, and seemed as if they would do ANYTHING to get what they wanted. God LOVED to watch them as they lived their lives differently each day.

 

God was always amused at how they would act to get what they wanted. Some called themselves Democrats and some called themselves Republicans, but BOTH even though they swore had their party values, would connive and deceive to secretly get what THEY wanted.

 

Meanwhile, the countries they served went to Hell in a hand basket and god laughed and laughed. God knew they were better than ever sending some slithering snake and have Eve bite an apple as an evil gesture, this was just pure gold.

 

Now, god could always do what he wanted to do and destroy the Earth in a big ball of fire. You see, God always did like shooting off missiles. So one day, when he was a little bored, god had the politicians of one country point and fire their missiles at all the other countries. There was a HUGE explosion, which wiped out ALL the population of the Earth. This time, god would create the perfect world, so he rolled up his sleeves, and said, “Let there be women, and ONLY one man”, who would act as a stud.

 

And god was happy, and the world flourished.

The End…

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

For a while now, I have wondered how broken you have be before you’re too far gone to be saved. I used to think I was too far gone, but then an old friend came back into my life we’ll call him guy x,  and he showed me that I could be loved.

I started to fall for him, but he was stuck between me and another girl. For a while, he flirted with both of us and said he didn’t know which of us to choose. At first, we overlooked it because, well, he was a guy and you know how guys can be.

After I became friends with the other girl, and realized how great of a person she was, that’s when I realized how much pain it was really causing us. At first, I didn’t notice my pain, but when I did,  I pushed it back inside.

I knew I needed to do something for myself, but it still shattered my heart. Now, I am starting to get to be friends with this other guy, we’ll call guy m. I told guy x that we should just go back to being just friends because the other way was causing too much pain.

The other girl introduced me to guy m, and we are still getting to know each other. He is very kind, and funny, and I think I’m starting to like him. Here’s the thing, he likes me, but I’m afraid… What if I fall for him and get hurt, or, what if I’m not good enough? What if he deserves better? What should I do Sooz?

Broken Girl 18

 

Dear Broken Girl 18:

Here is what I have learned through many relationships in life. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” Life is a crapshoot my dear, being only 18, you will probably get your heart broken several more times before finding Mr. Right.

Don’t let the bad taste of one bad apple sour you on the other apples in the tree. You deserve to be happy, take a chance, fall in love, lust, and have some fun. If it works out, great, if it doesn’t, well,  move on and go to the next man.

Take a chance with guy M and be happy while you can. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

Hello Dreamshadow, I have a question to ask Sooz. It is for my friend, of course. “I work in sales at a company that sells, office supplies. It is a decent job and my coworkers are pretty cool for the most part, but there is this one sales guy who is always very serious and way over the top about everything. 

 My BF also works here and we have been pranking this, “way too serious guy” for years. Keep in mind that these are never truly harmful pranks and he generally takes it well. This one time, we left a voodoo doll on his desk with one pin in it on the right thigh. 

 What he didn’t know is that the metal pin was actually a touch-sensitive contact that activated a small remote vibrating buzzer device that my BF had in his pocket. When the pin was touched, the small device buzzed silently and my BF would yell, “OUCH!” from anywhere in the office and grab his “boo boo”. 

Then BF would rub his thigh and say things like, “I really need to get this checked out.” Mr. Oh-So-Serious began to think he had power over my BF. After a couple days we left a doll that resembled the guy on my BF’s desk. 

 When BF got into the office, he picked it up and when the serious guy noticed, he looked panicked. Later in the day, BF got a cancellation over the phone, and pretended to be upset about it. He jabbed the doll mindlessly with a pair of scissors, missed the torso, and stuck it in the doll’s upper-right arm.

 

The man walked around rubbing his bicep for several hours. This went on for quite a while, and the guy actually ended up stealing the doll. We caught him, and he was super embarrassed, but as you can see it was a truly harmless prank. Lately, we have been running short on pranks. I mean after 10 years of this thing has gotten a bit stale. What should we do SOOZ?

 Devious Prankster

 

Dear Devious Prankster:

Hey, I’ve played MY share of practical jokes on people, but never any that really messed with someone’s head. Why don’t you and your best friend just invite the guy out for a few beers, get to really know him a little better and end all of this tomfoolery.

One of these days you or your best friend may need him for something and would want him to be on YOUR team. Play nice boys, remember, “KARMA is a BITCH”…

 

 

Sooz’s Diary

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Dear Diary:

As I write these words I am curious to that of Human Nature. Some people see me as a former captain of industry, and now a student redefining her life, others, see me as a drunken whore and a woman without conscience.

It’s almost as if I have two separate personalities, and yet, I am merely a woman, nothing more and nothing less. Yes, I have faults and talents like the rest of Humanity, and yes, my feelings can be hurt, and believe it or not, cut me and I bleed just like you do.

Why is it that MANY want my persona to be the drunk and sexual Nymphomaniac? Is it because I am easy after I am drunk, and they can just have their way with me? Helene, perhaps I should send a letter to Just Ask Sooz and find out.

The truth is I AM an alcoholic who IS a Nymphomaniac. I have had my ups and downs with the alcohol, but my sexual response is one in which I have never been able to quell.

Does this mean I don’t have a conscience…NO. I DO have a conscience, one in which I wrestle with each and every day. Why, because it is BECAUSE of my increased sexual arousal that I have created many unhappy people.

If there is a Hell will I burn there for eternity, I HOPE not, and yet, I still can’t seem to control my urges. Should I be doomed for something that is incurable? I don’t know, I wonder about these things a lot.

All this worry is probably just for naught however. If there is a final judgement, I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out the fate that surrounds me. If there is NO final judgement, then I guess I won’t have to worry about these matters.

I guess the best thing I can do is to live my life the best way I know how, and help those who are less fortunate than I am. This way I can at least hedge my bets… Hehehehe.

Until Later Diary…

 

 

The Scripe

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Thought I’d try a little Dr. Seuss style on this one. Let me know what you think.

 

Away in the forest and over the hill,

Lies a quiet little town whose name is Bree Mill.

It has mountains and streams, and buildings with beams,

It has people with pipes, and one Hobbit named Scripe.

 

Scripe, they say, is smaller than most,

His skin tone is pale, as white as a ghost,

But, he is happy and friendly, say his friends who are close,

And he is happiest when seen giving a toast.

 

He hobbles around the town with a cane,

From an accident he had, where no one was blamed.

He works in confection, makes sweet things galore,

Yet he would rather, you see, be dancing on the floor.

 

Indeed a dancer, he was, till that ill-fated day,

When a Trolley Bombaster would take it away.

His leg was impaired, yet his spirits were bright,

For now he could TEACH others to dance through the night.

 

So this is his story, and this is his tale,

The Scripe teaches on, and refuses to fail.

Let this be a lesson to those who are down,

Follow the Scripe, and turn that frown upside down.

 

 

 

 

 

Sooz’s Diary

 

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** Erotic Content**

Pent-up, tense, and wild like a cat, that’s how I felt. School had been going well, but I was tired living like a NUN. Sometimes the urge just gets to be too much, and I just need that release. I KNEW how to satisfy that itch,   so I called Madame Olga and made an appointment.

Hotter and wetter I got just thinking about the pain and the pleasure awaiting me. I must admit, while I enjoy ALL sex, S&M has always been one of my favorite varieties. The whack of the riding crop on my ass followed by the gentle kissing and feathering technique has ALWAYS brought me to orgasm.

Olga met me at the door and kissed me hard while gently feeling my breasts on top of my white silk blouse. I smelled whiskey on her breath and it made me wish I had never quit. You haven’t been drinking; she said as she removed her hand from my tits and placed one on my ass.

“I quit”, I said. “Oh NO”, she said with a smile, “that won’t do, I like you nice and drunk, now come and drink with me”. She disappeared and in a couple of minutes, she brought out a whole pitcher of Vodka and Cranberry.

“But I…” “Nonsense”, she said, “my house, my rules”. I took a long pull from my drink and it was like Heaven. Warm sensations ran from my lips to my Nether Region and I knew that this was NOT going to be my last drink.

We drank for an hour, and once again, ALL my inhibitions were gone, the world was my oyster, I was drunk. Olga, what a beauty, long flowing blond hair, luscious thicker lips and a body that wouldn’t quit, I WANTED her. Her tight leather outfit accentuated all her charms like honey on a bee hive.

She undressed me slowly while teasing me with those beautiful lips. For tonight, I was hers, and she knew it. She tied my hands with rope and made me get on my knees. “You’ve been a BAD girl Sooz, you need to be punished”. She took out her riding crop and laid it against my ass. Again and again the angry whip flew until the pain had been offset by a tool made entirely of feathers. God did that feel good. Again with the whip followed by gentle licking kisses. Then, something I wasn’t expecting, she stood me up, went and got a hot towel and placed it between my legs while holding it on both sides.

“Piss yourself”, she commanded, and I did. Warm, comforting yellow piss ran from my taint into the towel and onto the marks on my ass. I was just about to Cum when Olga removed the towel and started kissing and licking my dripping piss.

Nothing more to say, I came till there was no tomorrow. Olga smiled at me and said, “Feel better now”? “OMG”, I panted out, “that was amazing”. She untied my hands, gave me a robe and said, “You’re too drunk to drive, you’ll stay here tonight with me”.

I happily agreed and returned the favor for HER in the morning. “I needed that”. I wanted a drink, but decided against it and we said our good-byes. I returned to school happier and with a lot less nunnery on my mind.

Until Later…

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

OK, here is the situation, “I work in an office with a woman who mumbles as she types and reads. She hisses her exaggerated s’s, she’s a tattletale, and likes to sabotage the rest of us. On top of that, she is always doling out unsolicited advice on health and diet.

 I thought I would write and ask before doing something passive aggressive like eating lots of beans before work, refilling her white out with mayonnaise, or dipping her pigtails in the paper-shredder.

Yes, I have tried talking with her, but she refuses to listen to sense. The bosses know she is a pain in the butt, but she just isn’t getting it. I mean she does her work well enough, but replacing her isn’t really an option. “Please let me know how you would handle it.”

~Annoyed

Dear Annoyed:

I must admit, your thoughts on this are all very well thought out; remind me NEVER to piss you off. This actually happened to me years ago when I was just starting. Here’s what I did that seemed to work wonders.

First, get a card, something that has to do with the office, then, type your grievances down, and have it signed The Office Staff. Then, place it on her desk when she isn’t there. If she has ANY brains at all, she will absorb the message and then shut the Hell up.

If this doesn’t work, I’d go with YOUR ideas. The bean remedy was absolutely hilarious….

Good Luck…

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

My problem is I am not getting enough sex from my wife. We started out like gangbusters and would have sex every night and twice on the weekends. Now, however, we are only making love about once per week.

We are both still young Sooz, my wife is 32 and I am 33. The sex just started to diminish since the arrival of our son.

I realize that taking care of a household (She doesn’t work outside the home) is tough, but I feel rejected and lonely without our lovemaking. What can we do to re-kindle our relationship again like it used to be?

Sexless Husband

 

Dear Sexless Husband:

Let me say this, if your relationship with your wife is strong, then you have a good chance of working this out. Understand that taking care of a baby is HARD work, that, plus the housework, you wife is probably physically exhausted by the end of the day. I am sure that the only thing she is feeling is a nice warm bed and 8 hours of sleep.

That being said, there are many things you can do to help rekindle your sex relationships. First of all, TALK to her about it. Let her know how YOU feel and I am sure she will be a willing listener. More than likely SHE already KNOWS and was feeling terrible about it herself.

Try helping her out a little more than you already may be doing, let her KNOW you love her by seeing what you can do to help her feel less tired. Schedule sexual appointment times, whether it’s in the mornings or at night.

Sometimes boredom creeps into the bedroom. Try spicing things up a bit, change your routine, touch her for a longer time before jumping into lovemaking, let her know that she is the most beautiful woman who ever walked this planet. Many times, this will help rekindle the relationship.

Try and schedule at least 1 night a week for date night. It doesn’t have to be fancy, perhaps just a movie and some wine together where it is YOUR time together. Make the most of that time by catering to her and giving her the attention she needs.

Will you ever be up to 7 times a week again…NO, kiss that goodbye, things are different now. Just make the times that you do get together special, and rely on each other’s love to get you through the tough times. Good Luck!!!