Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

Last night, my husband of 15 years came home drunk as a skunk and said he was out with the boys. Well, Sooz, if the boys were wearing perfume and lipstick, maybe. Perfume was all over his shirt, with an added bonus of lipstick on his collar.

I was extremely hurt, but also angry. I couldn’t talk with him then, as he was too drunk. The next day I asked him about it and he said that the waitress “accidently” got her lipstick on his collar as she was delivering the drinks. To me, this sounded like b**shirt!!!

We have been married for 15 years, some ups, and some downs, but this is the first time he has ever done something like this. I am really beside myself and could really use your help.

At my last straw

 

Dear at my last straw:

I KNOW this sounds bad, but, I would give him another chance. After all, it COULD have happened that way, (although I agree with you). Let him know how you feel and explain this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, THIS TIME, but if it repeats itself, kick his womanizing ass out. Remember, communication is the key here. Talk to him and see what’s under his craw that makes him act like this.

Talk first, act second…Good Luck.

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am writing for my boyfriend as he is too embarrassed to write. The problem is Sooz, he is a pre ejaculator. It seems every time we make love, within a minute, he shoots his load, turns over and falls asleep, leaving me frustrated.

I have heard this is a common problem and wanted to see if you could share some advice with me? We make love at least three times a week, so anything you’ve got to help would be greatly appreciated.

Frustrated Frau

 

Dear frustrated Frau:

You’re right, it IS a fairly common problem. You didn’t say how old he was which sometimes can make a difference. You’re in luck though, as I know a sure fire way to fix this. Here is what you do:

Take his penis and stroke it like you want him to cum, before he does, back off and let it deflate a bit. Then, repeat as before. Do this four or five times over a ten-fifteen minute period.

Try this daily for five consecutive days. Each time, extend the time before ejaculation by a minute or two. By the end of the week, he should be as right as rain, and YOU should be satisfied once again. Good Luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

Before I begin my Dear Sooz column, I must admit THIS letter really hit home. It made me more determined than ever to go and try to repair the damage I have done to my ex, Bella. It was actually painful for me to write a response, yet, ALL letters must be answered. I share this now with all of you.

Dear Sooz:

I, like you, have just lost the absolute love of my life. My boyfriends name was Johnn he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Like you Sooz, I met him abroad, he worked in a café in France as a waiter while I was visiting on Holiday.

I was hungry and wanted to sit and take in all the ambiance of the city, so, I decided to go to a nice café and get something to eat. Sooz, it was love at first sight, he asked me what I wanted with the sexiest French accent and I just melted.

When he returned with my meal, he noticed I was looking right through him, he commented how the sun paled in its beauty next to me. That was all she wrote, I blushed, got wet, and luckily, he asked me out.

We went out, walked along the Seine, held hands, and I instantly fell in love. He was loving, tender, and had such a deep strong voice, I felt almost slave like when he placed his glorious mouth on mine.

We dated for six months before that awful day. Johnn had asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes. I was never happier Sooz. We settled into a small apartment and things were going great until that one morning in June.

Birds were singing, and the usual sounds of hustle and bustle of the day filled the streets like music fills your ears. He had gone out early that day to surprise me with croissants and coffee before I got up.

 According to witness accounts, as he went to turn the corner to the local bakery, a car jumped the curb striking and killing my Johnn. I learned of the tragedy from a knock at my door. Two gendarmes appeared there to break the news, and as they did, I collapsed in their arms. My world ended that fateful day. I have cried at least once a day thinking of our beautiful love.

 Broken, I returned home to America and have tried to get on with my life, but, to no avail. I miss him, and shall never forget what we once rejoiced. My suggestion Sooz, get on that plane now, find Bella, and do whatever it takes to get her back. Life indeed is way too short to miss a life changing opportunity.

Molly

 

Dear Molly:

Tears fell like rain as I read your letter. What you had, seemed like the “REAL DEAL”. I THANK YOU for your letter, I am sorry for your loss, and I promise you, I WILL seek to regain the love I so quickly dismissed, God Bless You.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am a 25 year old woman who reads your column all the time. My problem is, for two years I have been going out with my boyfriend, he has been attentive, thoughtful, and is a great lover. Recently, he has been distant. I can’t put my finger on it, although recently, he has been a lot less interested in sex.

I enjoy making love with him and when he refuses me, it makes me feel unloved. This has been going on for about a month now. I don’t know how to address this without him getting angry, and or him just ignoring it.

If you could give me some insight I would really appreciate it.

Confused

 

Dear Confused:

While I have my suspicions, my guess would be he is seeing someone else. Ask him right out about why your lovemaking has diminished.

If he doesn’t have a great reason, then I would start looking for the tell tale signs; his phone, credit card receipts, him being on the internet more than usual,  secret phone calls, or late nights at work.

Sorry babe, this is how I see it. I HOPE I am wrong, but, more than likely I am NOT. Good luck and here’s hoping I’m wrong.

 

 

 

New Years Resolutions

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Well, it’s the new year again, time for those who make New Years Resolitions to start thinking about what you will change to make your life healthier and happier. Personally, I usually don’t make resolutions because usually I break them at 12:01AM on New Years Day.

This year, however, I have decided to make a few, JUST in case I might actually do a little changing. As unlikely as it seems, I actually MIGHT make a few changes. The following are MY resolutions:

  1. Stop Drinking—Yeah, like THAT is gonna happen. After 40 something years, I have had an off again, on again, love with alcohol. While I agree it would be beneficial for my health, I have always had a defeatist attitude towards this one. I WILL give it a try however, and if I fail, screw it, I will never make this one again.

 

  1. Get Healthy—Since I am already in tip top condition, I guess I will try to eat less. Hmmmm, maybe I will substitute WINE instead of food, oh no, wait, that goes against resolution number 1. Damn!!!

 

  1. Pick Up a Useful Skill or Hobby—I know, how about adding a six pack? I WAS talking about my Abbs, but now that I think about it, that DOES sound GOOD, (Licks lips sexily)

 

  1. Take a Trip—This year, I will plan a trip to Europe, I went last year and met the love of my life. I decided to release her because I felt she was encouraging me to continuing my alcoholism. I will look her up and see if I can get her back. If I become re-addicted to alcohol, it may be worth it to regain my forever love. Time will tell.

 

If you have made any resolutions, good for you. I wish you all the fortitude to stick with, and fulfill your goals. For all of you, may you see a successful and happy new year. Muah!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Past

Hi everyone. I hope your day is going as well as mine. I am curled up by the fireplace that I hardly ever use, with of course my favorite bottle of Vodka with cranberry.

I am actually a bit pensive today, just dreaming about some of my best Christmas experiences. I remember one Christmas Eve, I must have been about 5, our home was decorated to the nines, as my Daddy did so love Christmas, and the smell that came from our kitchen as Mom was making our Christmas dinner was AMAZING.

My dad was the most loving, and kind man on Earth. That year, he had called down to the City Mission, and invited all the homeless to visit US for a wonderful Christmas dinner.

Seriously, he did. One by one, there would be a knock at the door, and our home would quickly come alive with the wanton of our Society. Mom had prepared an amazing repast, Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casseroles, freshly baked rolls, and of course a HUGE Figgy Pudding for dessert. OH MY!!!

I remember my daddy greeting the less fortunate at the door like they were all FAMILY, and he welcomed them ALL into our home. He would play Xmas songs on the piano while everyone would join in and sing. Good times.

People would eat and eat as my mom quickly replenished the food for everyone. Memories like this filled my soul full of joy, and they have transformed ME into a better Human being.

Oh sure, I still have my faults, but I ALWAYS remember the poor, and how happy they were, at least for a night when they regained their love for each other. To this day, I go to the mission, and invite the downtrodden for dinner. They are indeed the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

Sorry, I seemed to have rambled on a bit here, I do that after tipping a few pops. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed my Christmas past, and I urge you all to at least say a prayer this Holiday Season for those who are less fortunate than you. Believe me, you will be blessed 7 Times 7.

Good night, Happy Hanukkah, a very Merry Xmas to all.

 

 

 

Naughty or Nice

Bless me WordPress for I have sinned. I went shopping today with a buzz on and did the following:

  1. I yelled at 3 people that tried to buy something I wanted when there was only ONE item of each left. They called me a drunken Biatch, but, I still wound up with the items I wanted so THERE F**k heads. 
  1. I waited in line to see Santa and gave him a Lap Dance…What??? Hey, Not my fault, I was buzzed. I must say though, Santa had a BIG present for me, and I liked it. I tried to get his number for later, but he said he was married so I thought better of calling him. 
  1. I gave the Salvation Army Santa a hundred dollar bill, and when I asked if it was OK to feel his ass, he agreed. See, money CAN buy you SOME things. Man, I LOVE ASSES. 
  1. I stopped at a couple of bars for some Xmas cheer, and I must admit, I was VERY cheerful when I left. I had kissed at least 3 patrons, including the female bartender. Will I burn in Hell??? 
  1. I got home, staggered in the door, fell to the floor, and decided I might just as well Masturbate while I was there, I was very HORNY!!! 
  1. After the deed was done, I crawled to my bar, grabbed a bottle of Vodka and drank it till I passed out. I just woke up now. I am somewhat sober still, BUT, I can surely fix that. 

OK, how many prayers am I going to have to say to FIX all of that, 10, 50, 100, WHAT??? That was MY day folks, I hope YOURS went a lot more smoothly. Until next time…

P.S.—In case you were wondering, I have a driver that takes me around. I do NOT Drink and Drive!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing While Drunk

Image result for drunk woman writing

Hi there everyone, my name is Sooz and I’m a drunk. Yup, that’s right, I guess I should say I am a recovering alcoholic, however, today, I am NOT so recovered. I am indeed drunk as a skunk.

Now, what does this mean, nothing really, you see, I used to be drunk most of the time and would sit down and write until I couldn’t see straight anymore. It’s just been a while since I’ve been drunk, so this morning, I got up, poured myself a couple of shots and then downed it with some wine. Yuuuum, what a great breakfast.

I have continued through the afternoon, so I am quite blottoed right about now. I just thought I would share that with you. God, I feel good, I think I’m going to call my cute hunky neighbor next door and see if he would like to come over for a quickie.

That’s one thing about me, when I’m sober, I have a voracious sexual appetite, but, when I’m drunk, I have an INSATIABLE sexual HUNGER. I NEED SEX and I need it NOW. Excuse me for a moment while I make that call.

I’m back, he answered and he immediately KNEW I was drunk. He said he would be over in an hour, I hope it isn’t too much longer than that as I am nearing a critical point here in my drunkenness.

So, how is everybody here doing on this WONDRFUL Saturday? Anyone else drunk today? Don’t worry folks, I will be straight as an arrow tomorrow, I just wanted to remember how I used to feel when the alcohol drifts through my system like a fast flowing river, and takes complete control of my mind and body. AMAZING!!!

I know, I shouldn’t say that being an alcoholic, but I can’t help it. Well, here’s looking at you all. I love each and every one of ya. Cheers!!!!

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I realize this sounds stupid coming from a 25 year old woman, but, none the less I would like your opinion. The other night, my boyfriend and I went to a club and came home a little drunk.

We were on my couch with just our tops and underwear on. I was on his lap pretending to give him a lap dance, when all of a sudden, he ejaculated. My question here is this, my panties got wet when he ejaculated and so did my Vagina.

Is it possible for his semen to have penetrated me, and do I have to look forward to a possible pregnancy? Some of friends tell me yes while others say no. I am currently one week overdue and I am in a frazzle right now. Just so you have all the facts, this is the first time any type of sex where ejaculate has occurred.

Feeling Down

 

Dear Feeling Down:

Good news my friend, unless he delivered a load of oh, let’s say a DUMP TRUCK full onto your panties, the “odds are in your favor”. You are about 99.999% guaranteed NOT to have gotten pregnant.

Semen going through clothes, then entering the Vagina and travelling up the Cervix, is just about impossible. You are probably overdue because of your angst. Sit back, CLOSE your legs, and keep your feet up. You dodged a bullet.

Since your boyfriend has experienced sexual climax with you, it might be a good idea to be a little more careful next time, unless of course you WANT to have sex. Good luck to you and Happy Holidays.

 

Dear Santa

Image result for sexy xmas outfit

Dear Santa

Once again, it’s time for all of us “Good Girls” to write Santa for our Xmas requests. I, for one, have been a VERY good girl so I believe having a 125 page list is JUSTIFIED!!!

I’ve decided to only ask for the top five on my list because, well, let’s face it Santa, you are a busy guy and may not be able to fit ALL my presents in your sack along with all your other good girls and boys. 

OK, so here goes Santa: 

  1. I want a Pink Cheery Pro 40 Clitoral Stimulator in magenta—For those long and lonely nights. Cum on Santa, wink, YOU know what I’m talking about. 
  1. A 10 function little black panty thong—This little baby when worn, can bring you to the “BIG O” while shopping, or in the boudoir with your favorite date. A MUST have for EVERY sexy gal. 
  1. How about a sustained loving relationship, either girl OR guy, (As long as he has a big dick). I could really USE one. Hey, how about you, are you tired of the old ball and chain yet? Maybe she is baking you sugar FREE cookies these days, or using SKIM milk? What do ya say baby, give me a go? 
  1. I would like all my friends here to become rich and famous. There, who SAYS I am NOT generous. 
  1. Peace to ALL Nations—I REALIZE this is a tall order Santa, I am just afraid that Humanity cannot solve all the problems we have by themselves. Your helpful, smiling ways would certainly make a big difference throughout the planet. Please see what you can do, OK? 

 I want to thank you for reading this, and I hope you can accommodate me on my wish list. I sincerely hope that you, Rudolph, and all the other elves and reindeer have a very Happy and Merry Christmas. 

  1. P.S. —When I said I was “A Good Girl” this year, I meant to say as good as I could be.

Muah Santa,

 Love ya.

Sooz