Odd but True Xmas Gifts

Sexy woman in panties

OK, here’s the low down, it’s getting time to buy all your Xmas presents, as Black Friday approaches. Sure, you can buy aunt Ghirta her FAVORITE socks again, and certainly let’s not forget Uncle Clyde’s favorite booze so he can STAY pickled, OR, you can shop at Sooz’s home delivery facility and use some of MY gift ideas.

Mine may be a little offbeat, however, I’ve been told there is a niche for everyone, right? Here are just a few of my ideas for Xmas that will wet ANYONE’S whistle.

  • Disappearing Hair Mug –Yup that’s right, it starts, showing a full frontal view of my pussy. As you drink your favorite beverage, my pubic hair disappears until I am as shaved as a brand new spankin’ baby. Just imagine the possibilities? Only 15.99

 

  • Trip the Light Fantastic With Sooz Handbook—People, you don’t wanna miss out on this. This will show you HOW to get a date, where to go, and what to DO when the timing is right. The perfect handbook for every guy and gal. A steal at only 22.95.

 

  • Masturbation Handguide for Dummys—Yes, yes, I can hear you now, “But Sooz, I KNOW how to masturbate”. Believe me folks, you may know how to choke the chicken, or make yourself pulsate like a river, BUT, I guarantee UNBELIEVABLE MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCES after you read my book. Who doesn’t want to CUM 6 or 7 times a day like I do? Read my book and become a masturbation EXPERT like me. Today thru next week, only 25.99.

 

  • A Date with Sooz—OK folks, this was a last minute decision, but, I NEED to get LAID. For only 250.00, you can date me, converse with me, and if your lucky, take me to your place and show me a good time. (Wink…Wink).

 

OR, those socks are still available. The choice is YOURS, I’m SURE you will make the RIGHT one. Muah!!!

 

 

             

 

Sensationalized News Story

Sexy woman in panties

I just finished reading an article stating someone, (Name withheld), accused George Bush SR. of grabbing her ass while at a photo shoot with him and former first lady.

The press statement released claimed that President Bush apologized “if” he caused any embarrassment to said party, and that it was NOT done to sexually harass her but as a friendly gesture.

OK, I must admit, I am getting sick to death of hearing all of this he touched who news. As a woman, let me state, I do NOT think men in power should take advantage of women JUST because they THINK they can, HOWEVER, I also hate it when they try and leverage this kind of story for a buck.

Am I saying Bill Cosby, or Harvey Weinstein didn’t assault all those women, no, what I AM saying is why wait 20 plus years to expose it? That pisses ME off. Somehow, whether it was just a harmless pat on the ass, or a full fledged assault, they should have come forward DURING the time of the alleged assault.

Here’s the rub, since our nation began, some president or another has been messing around with a mistress or five, look it up. Now, however, in the days with sensationalized news stories, when exposed, the “harmed” party can make thousands of dollars for telling THEIR side of the story REGARDLESS whether it is true or not. It’s just NOT right in MY thinking.

Am I against being sexually harassed, yes, Do I think what the “harmed” parties are doing is wrong, yes. At least accuse the blamed party right after the harassment happens as opposed to waiting, and then ruin a man’s reputation regardless if he is guilty or innocent.

Remember, here in America, a party is INNOCENT until PROVEN guilty. That’s all I am saying. Just MY thoughts. Let me hear from YOU.

Soapbox Sooz

 

 

Sex, Masturbation and Master Slave

 

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Dear Internet

 I use you each and every day and I don’t understand why you give me prompts for writing that suggest- Sex, Master Slave, and Masturbation. Yes, while it is true that I occasionally talk about Sex and Masturbation, I hardly EVER discusses my Master Slave proclivities.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t MIND talking about Master slave situations, it’s just that I don’t write about it that often to have my writing suggestions use this subject. I would much rather have my suggestions include Just Ask Sooz, or perhaps Sooz’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

Hell, even those stories about getting drunk or having drunken sex would be better. Preferably, the best suggestions would be about-Rainbows, Unicorns, and World Peace. OK, look, I would probably sprinkle these subjects with Sex, Masturbation, and perhaps Master Slave proclivities, BUT, I would much rather see the above in print as suggestions.

 I am finished bitching now, I realize you are just doing your due diligence when it comes to offering suggestions for all your writers. I promise to play nice from now on and will just take your suggestions as written. I humbly apologize for being a sexy depraved woman, who loves engaging in continuous masturbation, and will write more about my sexual Master Slave occurrences to live up to my suggestive matter.

 

Regards,

Sooz

P.S. My hands are in my pants as we speak… FU!!!!

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I have a question I would like you to answer. My father owns a motel and he and I have a different opinion about something. I am 21 and sometimes I like to have my boyfriends come over and stay with me in my room at the motel.

My father says that it is “his” motel, and that I should be paying to have a sleep over just like anybody else. I, on the other hand, believe that since it is “my” room, I should be able to do what I want to free of charge.

What do you think? I really want your input.

Motel Prisoner

 

Dear Motel Prisoner:

While I understand your thoughts on this, I must agree with your father on this one. Since he IS the owner of the motel where you reside, in essence, it is HIS house and you should abide by his rules.

Perhaps you could ask him for a discount when you bring male friends over for a “visit”, just a thought. Good luck…

 

 

 

 

A Tale of Two Women

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A glorious night in Paris, sitting in a small cafe, drenched in the moonlight of love, and soaking up the ambiance of the most romantic city in the world, she happened. I could tell by the smell of her perfume, and the clothes she wore, like a woman possessed to make a mark on my heart, that I would be a goner.

She came up and introduced herself as Bella, (A name meaning beautiful), and said she had been watching me. I seemed to have a forlorn look upon my face as if I needed a friend. I replied,”I can ALWAYS use a friend, please sit down”.

We talked and laughed and she suggested we go back to her flat for some wine. Normally, I would have refused the wine, but I KNEW this evening would wind up being a night to remember so I quickly accepted.

Her flat was small but very well decorated. She mentioned she worked for one of the local television stations as a producer, and I gave her MY life history the more wine I drank.

After 4 bottles of terrific Merlot, we were both pretty wasted. She asked if I liked fruit and I said “sure, who doesn’t”. She poured me another glass of liquid love and she disappeared into the kitchen.

About 5 min. later, she came back with an assortment of delicious fruit stacked onto a beautiful serving dish. “Wow”, I said as I reached for a strawberry.

Bella reached and caught my hand as I was about to place the fruit into my mouth. “That’s MY job”, she said with a sexy look and removed it from my hand. She took the strawberry, squeezed it a little so some of the juice ran down her hand and she said “close your eyes and let ME feed it to you”.

Drunk and ready for love, I closed my eyes and she teased me with the fruit. Sticking it in my mouth from her lips, she twirled her luscious tongue around the fruit and then around my tongue sending chills down to my Pussy.

I was as wet as the river Seine, and I wanted her. Earlier, while she was in the kitchen, I had removed my pants and unbuttoned my top buttons to expose my best assets and spread my legs wide open for her to hopefully notice and get hot also.

The message I sent was clear, she took a banana and slipped it inside my panties. She played with that banana, touching and rubbing my clit  all over, until finally inserting it in my vagina.

Oh my God, I wanted to cum so bad, but I tried the best I could to hold it together. Then, she took the banana out ever so slowly, put it in my mouth and said “SUCK ME”.

I did as she said, placed my hands on her firm but small breast, kissing them and rotating my tongue around her nipples, and then right down to her clit I went, kissing and sucking it while inserting my tongue into her wet pussy.

I took a cherry from the tray, placed it in her love canal, took it out, and sucked it before I devoured it. I took my middle finger, sucked it, and wet her anus with my love juice.

While sticking my finger up her anus, I licked her, and sucked her, until she screamed out with pleasure. She collapsed in ecstasy while fingering my clit. She then came down on me and with a vengeance stroked and sucked until I also came into the night with a scream of pleasure.

We saw each other for two weeks while I was in her fair city, unfortunately, I had business dealings in other cities, and had to say good bye. We exchanged numbers and have talked since. Who knows, one day I might just move to Paris.

 

Sooz’s Diary

Dear Diary:

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To write, or NOT to write, that is my dilemma today. You see, I want to tell about my adventures while in Europe, but some of them are extremely steamy. It seems that my pussy just never wants to quit.

I’m going to pass this over to my readers and let THEM make the decision for me. If you DO want me to write, then I must warn you, some of the content should be rated triple X.

It’s all in the reader’s hands now, let’s see what THEY decide.

P.S. Guess where my HAND and fingers are right now???

J

 

A List of Things You Can do When Bored

Image result for drunk woman masturbating

Let’s face it, lists are fun. Being bored is NOT fun, so, I decided I would list some things you could do when you are bored. Hopefully, you will enjoy this list.

  1. Masturbate- A fun and simple way to relieve boredom, AND relaxing too.

 

  1. Go Skydiving- This is a real ass kicker and unbelievable experience, hey, “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it”.

 

 

  1. Make paper dolls out of an old newspaper…Go on, TRY it.

 

  1. Play with paper dolls after making them. Hehehehehe…I CAUGHT you.

 

 

  1. Try reading a book longer than “War and Peace”.

 

  1. Take a walk in the rain, OR, if you have an arid climate, take a long shower and pretend you are walking in the rain. Hell, you might even make it better by masturbating while you’re in there.

 

 

  1. String paper clips together and see how long of a chain you can make.

 

  1. Eat something, regret what you ate, and repeat.

 

 

  1. Sleep, but, then you would be missing all of the fun activities I’ve already listed.

 

  1. Drink-OK, I KNOW I shouldn’t list this, but, it has always been a good boredom reliever for me, and then, Usually, I masturbate.

 

Limerick by Sooz

Related image

 Limericks have long been used in a more “sensual” manor and being that I love the image, I thought I would write one. Hope you like it… 

 

There once was a woman from Fargut,

Who displayed all her “charms” in the market.

When asked about Clap, She spread open her lap,

Said Penicillin was placed there to trap it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I am an 18 year old young woman who would like your opinion on something. Recently, my friends who have also just turned 18 got fake ID badges and use it to go out to clubs, get drunk, and carouse with guys.

I must admit the thought has also crossed my mind, but, I am a little afraid to join the club. I have never been drunk, but to hear my girlfriends talk about it, there is nothing better.

While going to the clubs and dancing sounds like fun, my moral compass airs on the side of caution. What do you think? I would like to but am a bit afraid.

Sober Teenager

 

Dear Sober Teenager:

I must tell you, what I wouldn’t give NOT to have had my first drink. At 18, you have your whole life ahead of you. I’m sure you will think of MANY ways to get yourself into trouble, wait a while.

Getting drunk eases your inhibitions, and makes you think you are invulnerable. Just ASK me, I’ll tell you. Many times, date rape occurs after a night of heavy drinking. Early pregnancy can occur and then you will have to worry about being a parent, then, you WON’T have time to get to the clubs.

Keep your current moral compass and let your friends worry about the consequences. You will be the smarter woman. Good luck.

Sooz’s Diary

 

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** Erotic Content**

Pent-up, tense, and wild like a cat, that’s how I felt. School had been going well, but I was tired living like a NUN. Sometimes the urge just gets to be too much, and I just need that release. I KNEW how to satisfy that itch,   so I called Madame Olga and made an appointment.

Hotter and wetter I got just thinking about the pain and the pleasure awaiting me. I must admit, while I enjoy ALL sex, S&M has always been one of my favorite varieties. The whack of the riding crop on my ass followed by the gentle kissing and feathering technique has ALWAYS brought me to orgasm.

Olga met me at the door and kissed me hard while gently feeling my breasts on top of my white silk blouse. I smelled whiskey on her breath and it made me wish I had never quit. You haven’t been drinking; she said as she removed her hand from my tits and placed one on my ass.

“I quit”, I said. “Oh NO”, she said with a smile, “that won’t do, I like you nice and drunk, now come and drink with me”. She disappeared and in a couple of minutes, she brought out a whole pitcher of Vodka and Cranberry.

“But I…” “Nonsense”, she said, “my house, my rules”. I took a long pull from my drink and it was like Heaven. Warm sensations ran from my lips to my Nether Region and I knew that this was NOT going to be my last drink.

We drank for an hour, and once again, ALL my inhibitions were gone, the world was my oyster, I was drunk. Olga, what a beauty, long flowing blond hair, luscious thicker lips and a body that wouldn’t quit, I WANTED her. Her tight leather outfit accentuated all her charms like honey on a bee hive.

She undressed me slowly while teasing me with those beautiful lips. For tonight, I was hers, and she knew it. She tied my hands with rope and made me get on my knees. “You’ve been a BAD girl Sooz, you need to be punished”. She took out her riding crop and laid it against my ass. Again and again the angry whip flew until the pain had been offset by a tool made entirely of feathers. God did that feel good. Again with the whip followed by gentle licking kisses. Then, something I wasn’t expecting, she stood me up, went and got a hot towel and placed it between my legs while holding it on both sides.

“Piss yourself”, she commanded, and I did. Warm, comforting yellow piss ran from my taint into the towel and onto the marks on my ass. I was just about to Cum when Olga removed the towel and started kissing and licking my dripping piss.

Nothing more to say, I came till there was no tomorrow. Olga smiled at me and said, “Feel better now”? “OMG”, I panted out, “that was amazing”. She untied my hands, gave me a robe and said, “You’re too drunk to drive, you’ll stay here tonight with me”.

I happily agreed and returned the favor for HER in the morning. “I needed that”. I wanted a drink, but decided against it and we said our good-byes. I returned to school happier and with a lot less nunnery on my mind.

Until Later…