I GOT My Early Xmas Present

YES…YES…YES…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That explains my dinner date for Saturday night past. For those of you who have never read me before…AND WY NOT…I had an earlier post where I declared all I wanted for Xmas was my next door neighbor.

He is a VERY cute guy who just recently moved into the house next to me. Now, since I have been taking it easy for the last 30 days recovering from a heart episode, I haven’t engaged in the carnal pleasures of the body, and BOY, was I ready, willing, and anxious to be ridden like a wild filly gain.

I had gone over to his house dressed to the nines, welcomed him to the neighborhood, and then invited him for dinner. He was very pleasant, looked at my low cut gown, (Actually, he was staring at my boobs), and readily accepted my invitation.

Saturday night at 7:00 PM the doorbell rang, and there was my cute unsuspecting fly, just ready to enter the spiders lair. He was wearing a very expensive suit, WITH vest,(???), and I countered him with my REALLY low cut red dress with matching ruby necklace and rings. Underneath, he would later find a pair of red lace panties and a sexy red bra.

I made him a nice dinner and he told me all about himself. He is 34, a graphic designer, and was unmarried or otherwise attached…BINGO…GAME OVER!!! Soft dinner music was playing and I had the room lit with candles everywhere. I had sprayed just a touch of Joy perfume in all my delicate areas, and then made sure he was close enough to smell it.

After about 2 bottles of wine (for him), I asked if he would dance with me. He readily accepted and held me close as we danced to Hero by Enrique Iglesias. The night was perfect as I leaned in, closed my eyes, and kissed him.

As I said above…GAME OVER!!! We danced, we kissed, we……………. The next morning I made him an everything omelet with some coffee and a bit of ME… He smiled, I smiled, and he asked me if I would see him again. I gave him my number and told him to call me… Xmas indeed came early for me this year…

Until Later…

 

 

10 Unlikely World News Events

·      Putin has RELIGIOUS epiphany
·      Snakes DISCOVERED in Ireland
·      Pigs CAN Fly
·      Obama realizes ISIS doesn’t stand for Instant Success Is Superior
·      McCain FINALLY becomes PresidentOpra tapped for VP job
·      Kim Jong-il OFFICIALLY pronounced the missing link to Evolution
·      The Dollar Store BUYS Wal-Mart forA Dollar…
·      Tweety Bird is EATEN by Sylvester-Cousin Big Bird morns
·      Disney Buys RussiaTurns into a Major Theme Park
·      World Peace is voted through by all NationsKremlin wants a recount

An Apology and a Thank You

Usually, on a Friday and Saturday night, I would go to the bars or clubs and just drink the night away. Usually, after the fifth Vodka and Cranberry, I would become light headed, disoriented, and wellHow do I say thisOh yeah, the biggest slut there was.

I would get into a conversation with just about EVERYONE as they would gravitate towards my stool, I would laugh, and carry on, and usually this would involve me inadvertently touching someones penis, or feeling a loving breast here and there.

I would wake up the next morning, check my phone, and usually there would be between 50 to 100 texts, MOSTLY saying what a great time they had with me the night before.The PROBLEM was, I had NO idea who ANY of these people were. I must have touched MORE Penisus, and felt MORE breasts while at the clubs in my time than Donald Trump has money.

Sure, it didn’t hurt being a Nympho, I think my Libido must have just given up and said “Go For It Sooz” after a few drinks. Many a strange call I would get the next day at work from folks I had absolutely NO idea who the F**K they were, asking me to meet them for a drink or 10 after work. NOW, I see WHY!!!

In step five of AA, It says to “Admit to God, to ourselves, and another Human being, the exact nature of our wrongs” While I don’t KNOW if there really Is a God, I HAVE admitted to myself that there certainly have been wrong doings because of my drinking.

While I am NOT sure of WHAT all of these are yet, TOO many names, not enough time, I am blanketing my apology to everyone out there who I ever wronged by touching your penis, or feeling your lovely, soft, gentle breast.

I would also like to take this opportunity to THANK you for NOT pressing charges, and for giving my ego a HUGE boost. Those were the good old days EH??? Should you see me at the clubs in the near future, buy me an Iced Tea, we’ll TALK, but don’t expect a penis touch or a breast feel as I only do this by REQUEST now…

Until Later…

Ten Qualities Woman Find Attractive in Men


In my Dear Sooz letters, men constantly ask me what can they do to attract the ladies. Usually, I will be flip at first and tell them to have a big bank roll and a very prestigious job like a king, or possibly someone who has found the cure for AIDS. For many women, these things would be great, but, seriously, how many of this type of man are out there?
I have done countless hours of research, (Talked to some of my friends), and this is what we all agreed on.

1. Have a sense of Humor— I mean seriouslyWho doesn’t like someone who is funny and can keep you entertained? He doesn’t have to be a comedian, just someone who has a quick wit and can keep your smile on.

2. Be confident— I have said this before, but it is well worth repeating, WE (women), like guys who believe in themselves. Now I DON’T mean, arrogant, just someone who is sure of himself, who knows what he wants and then how to get it.

3. Someone who is Spontaneous— We LOVE being surprised guys. It’s always nice to get those little unsuspected gifts or TRIPS to EUROPE, (Just a thought here guys for future reference)Surprise us…We LOVE it!!!
4. Be Open-minded— This shows us that you are willing to LISTEN to what we say and then discuss it. ***This is a BIGGIE guys***

5. Kindness— I know this should go without saying, but it’s actually getting harder and harder to find someone who is “really” kind…

6. Intelligence— OKYou don’t have to be a rocket scientist (Although, it wouldn’t hurt either), but at least have the ability to add the 20% to the restaurant bill without a calculator.

7. Compassionate— This is also an important trait as it seems that both men AND women over the past decade seemed to have lost this important quality. Believe me, it is VERY endearing to us…

8. Cleanliness— When you take us out where something approach. Fashion changes all the time and that’s fine, but don’t take us to the Ritz and wear ripped jeans and a Tee shirt. Wear deodorant, shave, (Unless you have a beard of course), and for God’s sake brush your teeth and use breath mints if you have Godzilla breath.

9. Initiative— We LOVE a guy who will step up to the plate and be able to make decisions. There is nothing I hate worse than having to make all the decisions or have a guy flip/flop over just about every issue that comes up. MAKE a DECISION for goodness sake…

10. A good Conversationalist— Let me be clear hereBoth parties should carry a conversation, please don’t make us handle it all though. Be well read, find some topics that you feel is interesting and run with it. NO…..NOT Nuclear Physics and how the atom can be split by a cyclotron… Now, if it’s being split by two Popsicle sticks, then by all means carry on…

I’m sure that women have many, many more, but these seemed to be the most brought up qualities….Let’s be fair here folks neither men nor women are going to possess ALL of these traits, however, a few of these would be great. Thanks for listening and I will catch you all later…
Until Later…

Things That Could Go Wrong At a Teenage Birthday

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10.   Someone decides to play pin the tail on the Danielle

09.   Kid replaces candy and inserts condoms in the Pinata

08.   Clown gets drunk and starts blowing obscene balloon figures

07.   Kids start playing STRIP spin the bottle

06.   Someone spikes the punch and the new game is hide and go seek to find where Sooz is passed out

05.   Kids sing Happy Birthday to Kara….Birthday girl is named Carrie

04.   Cake is missing and Arfie the dog has a big frosting smile on his face

03.   Birthday girl gets a free pregnancy test kit as a gag gift

02.   Loaded mother starts flirting with cute guests

01.   Turns out Uncle Dave is a Narcparty ends with all guests running and hiding                  
   

Ten Things I am NOT Going to Do Today

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10. Wake up on the floor…AGAIN…

 9.  Talk to my drinking buddy that is NOT really there.

 8.  Clean up the Piss in my pants from that Damn Pink Elephant.

 7.  Waste time searching for my lost keys that I KNOW are still attached to the zipper of my jeans.

 6.  Apologize to the immediate world for lewd, crude, and unattractive things I did and don’t remember from the night before.

 5.  Spend the night again with The Ringling Brothers Circus Clowns. 

 4.  Call in sick because I am too hung over to find my car…AGAIN…

 3.  OK….I MY have lied about the clowns…They were a good lay…Hehehehe…

 2.  Have breakfast with the Drunk Tank cop…

 1.  Lie like I did on the above Nine answers….Hmmmm….or DID I?????

Until Later…

Ten Things Men Wished Women WOULDN’T Do

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 10. Write a blog about 10 things Women wished GUY’S knew about SEX.

9.   Ask them questions that have no REAL answer so they get into trouble.

8.   Bitch about that they NEVER ask for directions. (Even though they DON’T)…Oh wait….Was THAT considered BITCHING????????????

7.   Talk till Men’s EARS fall off.

6.   Make them hold our Purses.

5.   Send them to the store to buy our “Female” Products…

4.   Change the TV channel to Dancing With The Stars when THEY are watching something FRIVOLOUS like SPORTS.

3.   Name our cars ( What’s wrong with THAT??? )

2.   Nag… Nag… Nag…WHAT??? ( Looks the other way )…

1.   Bitch that all men want is ONE thing…………….BEER……….Got ya with that one didn’t I…Hehehehehe…

Until Later…

 

Ten Things NOT To Do If You Wanna Get Laid

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10.  Only having a four word vocabulary…Nuff said…

 9.  McDonalds is NOT a FINE dining restaurant…Just Sayin’.

 8.  Honking your horn to let her know you’re there.

 7.  Smelling like you just came from cleaning the fish market.

 6.  Dressing like you just came from a Woodstock Concert (Look it up)…J

 5.  Burger King and a Porn film does NOT count as dinner and a movie.

 4.  Trying to impress us with your BURPING prowess.

 3.  Talking about your MOTHER all the time while on the date…  

 2.  Listening to Gangsta RAP to “set the mood”.

 1.  Having your date ask you if you take CREDIT cards.

Until Later…