I GOT My Early Xmas Present

YES…YES…YES…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That explains my dinner date for Saturday night past. For those of you who have never read me before…AND WY NOT…I had an earlier post where I declared all I wanted for Xmas was my next door neighbor.

He is a VERY cute guy who just recently moved into the house next to me. Now, since I have been taking it easy for the last 30 days recovering from a heart episode, I haven’t engaged in the carnal pleasures of the body, and BOY, was I ready, willing, and anxious to be ridden like a wild filly gain.

I had gone over to his house dressed to the nines, welcomed him to the neighborhood, and then invited him for dinner. He was very pleasant, looked at my low cut gown, (Actually, he was staring at my boobs), and readily accepted my invitation.

Saturday night at 7:00 PM the doorbell rang, and there was my cute unsuspecting fly, just ready to enter the spiders lair. He was wearing a very expensive suit, WITH vest,(???), and I countered him with my REALLY low cut red dress with matching ruby necklace and rings. Underneath, he would later find a pair of red lace panties and a sexy red bra.

I made him a nice dinner and he told me all about himself. He is 34, a graphic designer, and was unmarried or otherwise attached…BINGO…GAME OVER!!! Soft dinner music was playing and I had the room lit with candles everywhere. I had sprayed just a touch of Joy perfume in all my delicate areas, and then made sure he was close enough to smell it.

After about 2 bottles of wine (for him), I asked if he would dance with me. He readily accepted and held me close as we danced to Hero by Enrique Iglesias. The night was perfect as I leaned in, closed my eyes, and kissed him.

As I said above…GAME OVER!!! We danced, we kissed, we……………. The next morning I made him an everything omelet with some coffee and a bit of ME… He smiled, I smiled, and he asked me if I would see him again. I gave him my number and told him to call me… Xmas indeed came early for me this year…

Until Later…

 

 

10 Ways to Know if Your GoldFish is Dead

10.   The other fish in the tank are crying.

 9.    He’s bloated…Well, like a dead fish.

 8.    The other fish are eying him as lunch.

 7.    He’s not responding to your calls…”Are you alright”.

 6.    Your cat looks at him with a hungry smile on it’s face.

 5.    His eyes are glazed over like when he’s drunk.

 4.    Your significant other keeps yelling Ewwwwwww!!!!!

 3.    The other fish ask you to respect his will and bury him at sea.

 2.    His rainbow color has turned to a beautiful blackened hue.

 1.    The other fish are holding a funeral service for Scales.

10 Ways To Order a Pizza

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Occasionally, I just like to do things for fun. The following represents just SOME of the ways that I have ordered a pizza.

10.  Pretend or BE EXTREMLY inebriated…This is fun because it puts the burden on the order taker. Usually I will be slurring and I order SEVERAL different ingredients on my Pizza. Always fun to see what I get.

9.   Order a made up ingredient…I LOVE this one, sometimes I will order cheese, pepperoni, and Turnabager. Keep insisting that you want it and talk to the manager if necessary.

8.   In Italian…See how long it takes before they can find an interpreter.

7.   Ask if you can super size it with Fries and a drink…When they say NO, ask WHY and just keep asking like you don’t understand why.

6.   Tell them you want a THICK crust on just HALF of the Pizza and THIN on the other.

5.   After a lengthy order is taken, ask if you can pay by the barter system, when they say NO, tell them you have done it that way there before.

4.   ASK if they deliver…If yes, tell them you want it delivered UNDER the bridge in a ghetto section of your choice.  

3.   Order a Pizza’s and then have it delivered to another Pizza joints address.

2.   Tell the order taker you re playing a joke on your boss, would they add LOTS of Cayenne pepper and jalapeno peppers cut up really small. If Yes, have it delivered as a gift to your boss from XYZ co. I LOVE this one…Hehehehe.

1.   Call and ask if they could make a specialty ‘Hen Way’ Pizza for you, when they ask “What’s a Hen way, you tell them about 3lbs. And hang up…

Oh…If you ever need a Pizza ordered…Just call me…I’ll take good care of you.

Until Later…