Dreamshadow59’s Brush with Mortality

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It was Friday night in a crowed bar, friends, Booze, and music playing. People laughing, dancing, and the signs of a drunken evening were quickly unraveling. George Thoroughgood’s Bad to the Bone was playing on the juke box, and mindless chatter and laughter were heard throughout the bar.

I was on my 7th Vodka and Cranberry when I began to feel nauseous. Assuming I was drunk, I let it go and continued drinking my drink. It wasn’t until my chest felt like an elephant sitting on it, and my increased shortness of breath continued that someone called for an ambulance.

I was rushed to the Hospital, where I was immediately worked on by the cutest ER Dr. imaginable. He looked like a young Eric Estrada with huge arms and what appeared to be in my drunken state a six pack tighter than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s. If I wasn’t in so much pain I could have F**KED him right there on the gurney.

Long story short, (No longer possible), They did some kind of blood work on me, and when it came BACK…Seemed like HOURS…They said I had a “little” heart attack. Of course they wanted to run about 4000 tests on me so the gurney and I became fast friends…I called it Boris…Don’t ask me why…I was DRUNK people…

Anyway, after running what seemed to be a 1000 tests on me, the conclusion was that although my arteries were “partially” blocked, I didn’t need any surgery at this time. Their advice…STOP ALL drinking and take a week off from my pressure cooker stressful job.

OK…The job I can understand, but, the DRINKING, (considering that I am a high functioning alcoholic), was devastating. The Dr. told me that in no uncertain terms was I to drink a DROP of alcohol within the next week. So, here I sit, Bored out of my skull, SOBER, for the first time since the Yankee’s started playing, and wishing I was in Oz, cause that’s where I feel like I AM.

If there are ANY cardiologists out there that say I can drink IF I watch my stress level, CALL ME…We will have a “little” party, just sayin’… Lighten up here people… Until Later…

Sooz Out…

 

 

Drunk Texting

For those of you who may NOT know, I’ve been off for quite a while with a broken ankle. By the way, I HEARD that comment about “She’s OFF ALRIGHT…” Anyway, my point is, there really hasn’t been much for me to do lately except watch TV and Drink.

Now when I drink, I SOMETIMES, (OK ALWAYS), have a tendency to OVER DO it. By the way, I am a VERY happy drunk. I will sing, dance, (Well, not now), laugh, and just generally be the life of the party.

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     The FIRST drink OK, the 15th. BAD

 The problem IS…I also seem to have a tendency to become VERY loveable and I LOVE to do me some DRUNK TEXTING.

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     Now, WHO can I text tonight that I won’t REMEMBER texting tomorrow

Here’s a few NON MEMORABLE comments I made while drunk texting:

ALEX:     I just wanted you to know…THE RABBIT DIED…No you asshole, I don’t HAVE a pet rabbit.

Marci:    I had a great time last night, did I leave my WHIP there?

TONY:   When I said, “Your mother wears Army boots, AND they’re 2 sizes to small”, I meant that your mother is an asshole.

Jen:      Just because I tied one on last night DOESN’T mean that I’m easy or you can sleep with me. Unless of course you WANNA sleep with me.

Jason:    When I said I would give you a BLOW JOB I meant I would help you blow out the CANDLES on your cake. Anything ELSE will cost ya 500.00. Hehehehehe.

Mary:     Sorry I couldn’t make the 3 way you planned for Tuesday but I was already booked into a 4 way at Asters house.

Bob:       Yes my boobs are a 36D, just so long as your Dingleberry is 10” long as PROMISED. 🙂

Cynthia:   No Cyn. I DIDN’T say I’m coming DOWN with something, I  said, “I’m just coming DOWN…”

Rich:       You were SERIOUS about shivering my TIMBERS!!! Ohhhh RICHARD!!! …SMILES DEVILISHLY…

The CLUE here is… When you drink, Don’t drive, but DON’T EVER Text. It’s just not worth the embarrassment later… TRUST ME!!!

Until Later…