What’s It Like to be a Recovering Alcoholic

Many times people who know me, come up and ask me what’s it like to be a recovering alcoholic. The simple answer isIT SUCKS!!! There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about the “Glory days” of being drunk.
Yes, I still remember the days of partying and giving folks a boob shot after a few drinks, but, then again, I never DID like waking up in some strange bed the next morning, laying next to someone who I had just met the night before.
OK, let me clarify that, it was the part about not REMEMBERING who or what I did the night before that was scary. Did he use a condom, what did I say, what did I do, did anyone from my office to see me that way, it was a mess.
Did I enjoy the drinking, Ohhhhhh Yeahhhh!!!! I was on top of the world, nothing could hurt or phase me. I would SAY what I wanted, and DO what I wanted, whenever I wanted.The thing is, the next day, I was ALWAYS being told some of the crazy ass things I would say or do that wellI SHOULDN’T have done or said.
I would start the day off with a couple of drinks, just to clear my head, go to work, have a few more drinks for lunch, and then meet with clients for MORE drinks later that night. I was what you would call a high functioning alcoholic.
The thing IS, I NEEDED that alcohol to just GET me through the dayEVERY DAY. My blackouts would become more and more frequent, and my behavior was slowly becoming more OUTRAGEOUS. When I wrote about being the Wedding SLUT, that was TRUE, I WAS the SLUT. After a few drinks, I would dance around like a fool, and have drunken sex with just about ANYONE who wanted it, male OR female. I ALWAYS was the hit of the wedding, ORSo I THOUGHT.
There just came to a point in my life that I decided I NEEDED to put away the party girl image and GROW upFinally, after 43 years I DID it. Do I miss that part of my life, SOMETIMES, but I realized that within a few more years, had I continued along that path, I would become a homeless, hopeless, and friendless drunk.
I am glad that I did what I did, and would recommend to ANYONE who is on MY former path, to also do yourself a favor, get clean. You may not be high on alcohol anymore, BUT, you will re-discover the benefits of a clear and sober head. God Bless…

Life in the Asylum (I mean Rehab,) Part 2


Day Two—OMG!!! Detox symptoms had kicked in. I NEEDED a drink, no, LOTS of drinks. My body started to shake, my heart rate rose until I thought it was coming out of my body. All I wanted to do was vomit and crawl up into a ball and die.

Luckily, the place was CRAWLING with Dr.’s, so when I cried out, they came. Drug after drug entered my body in the hopes to relieve some of my suffering. This was really the first time that I realized the severe damage I had done to myself.

Eating was impossible. Even trying to drink liquids became a thing of the past. Ginger Ale seemed to be the ONLY thing I could keep down, and even THAT burned like the strongest acid, turning my stomach to mush.

Anxiety was daily and my mind, once sharp as a tack, became muddled like Jell-O on STEROIDS. Needless to say I was a mess. At this point, I wondered if I had made the right decision, but then, I remembered my mother dying of this horrible disease and realized that I did NOT want to go through the same horrible nightmare.

Day after day, I experienced the same routine; get up, puke, try and eat, puke some more, CURSE like a DRUNKEN sailor not getting sex, and then back to the drugs. Life was just a bowl of cherries. Was I REALLY doing this?

Group therapy I enjoyed, it was very helpful hearing the different trigger points causing others to drink. Interestingly, people came here from all walks of life, from the wealthy celebrities, to regular working people, alcoholism plays no favorites.

 What I thought was interesting was almost everyone here came from a background of alcohol abuse in their immediate family. The information I gained from these sessions was invaluable and helped me to realize that I was where I NEEDED to be.

To be continued…


Dreamshadow59’s Brush with Mortality


It was Friday night in a crowed bar, friends, Booze, and music playing. People laughing, dancing, and the signs of a drunken evening were quickly unraveling. George Thoroughgood’s Bad to the Bone was playing on the juke box, and mindless chatter and laughter were heard throughout the bar.

I was on my 7th Vodka and Cranberry when I began to feel nauseous. Assuming I was drunk, I let it go and continued drinking my drink. It wasn’t until my chest felt like an elephant sitting on it, and my increased shortness of breath continued that someone called for an ambulance.

I was rushed to the Hospital, where I was immediately worked on by the cutest ER Dr. imaginable. He looked like a young Eric Estrada with huge arms and what appeared to be in my drunken state a six pack tighter than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s. If I wasn’t in so much pain I could have F**KED him right there on the gurney.

Long story short, (No longer possible), They did some kind of blood work on me, and when it came BACK…Seemed like HOURS…They said I had a “little” heart attack. Of course they wanted to run about 4000 tests on me so the gurney and I became fast friends…I called it Boris…Don’t ask me why…I was DRUNK people…

Anyway, after running what seemed to be a 1000 tests on me, the conclusion was that although my arteries were “partially” blocked, I didn’t need any surgery at this time. Their advice…STOP ALL drinking and take a week off from my pressure cooker stressful job.

OK…The job I can understand, but, the DRINKING, (considering that I am a high functioning alcoholic), was devastating. The Dr. told me that in no uncertain terms was I to drink a DROP of alcohol within the next week. So, here I sit, Bored out of my skull, SOBER, for the first time since the Yankee’s started playing, and wishing I was in Oz, cause that’s where I feel like I AM.

If there are ANY cardiologists out there that say I can drink IF I watch my stress level, CALL ME…We will have a “little” party, just sayin’… Lighten up here people… Until Later…

Sooz Out…