Sneakers…Are You Kidding Me

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I asked my Aunts son what he wanted for Christmas and he advised me that he would LOVE a pair of Designer Sneakers. He said he had always dreamed of owning a pair of Alexander McQueen Navy Blue Scalloped Leather Toed beauties. Now bear in mind that I have NEVER purchased men’s sneakers.

 I had NO idea of the cost for these pieces of GOLD. I mean when my Aunts kids were growing up, they would just drive around to an area where they would see sneakers thrown over a power line and just search for the SIZE.

I SHOULD have known when my Aunt said WOW…That’s really generous and smiled as wide as the Cheshire Cat, I was in for a surprise. Not wanting to disappoint, I started my online search. When my eyes caught the price, I think I lost 4 lbs.…In my PURSE. Are you KIDDING me??? The price tag on these sneakers from HELL was $405.00.

AFTER my heart re-started, I decided to search around for a better price. Seriously???  Sneakers at Wal-Mart are only about $30.00…What’s the price difference? Do these sneakers last for LIFE? Are they GUARANTEED for teenage boys to SCORE with women? Do they make you run FASTER than a speeding bullet?

Nooooooooooooooooope!!!!!!!! It’s because they are made by specialized cobblers from Santa’s workshop. Seriously??? Can you think of a better reason other than pure and simple GREED? Bottom line…I got them for $387.00. I felt much better now. I got a great deal. For buying the sneakers, I also got a Mercedes Benz as a free gift. Just kidding but I thought I should have after taking THAT fleecing.

If the truth be told, I DO pay that kinda money or more for MY shoes but hey, they go on MY feet, not some teenage boy who will wear them out in a year. Well, at least he will get a present he won’t forget…Until NEXT year.

Until Later…

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I have an age old problem I would like to discuss with you. Every time I go into the bathroom to pee, the toilet seat is ALWAYS left up. The problem is, the toilet has pee on it which I have to clean BEFORE I sit. I have tried and tried talking to him about this; he just says he keeps FORGETTING to put the seat back down. What should I do to break him of this annoying habit?

Soiled Sue

 

Dear Soiled:

This has been a bee in our bonnets ever since the toilet was invented. I mean WHAT’S so freakin’ hard about putting a little piece of porcelain down again once lifted? Not only that, but the fact that he doesn’t even AIM Mr. Happy so that it actually goes IN the water is another subject…Don’t get me started.

Here is what I suggest. First buy him some Gingko Biloba. This is a good MEMORY enhancer and may help with his “FAILING” memory. Next, I would suggest hanging a VERY SEXY picture of yourself in a flimsy neglige above the toilet. Underneath place a note that says:

“If you WANT some of this later, Put the FARGIN’ seat DOWN.”

Hopefully, this will help with your problem. Good luck.

 

Dear Sooz:

My neighbor’s dog keeps taking his dumps in MY yard. I have politely informed my neighbor of this but it hasn’t done any good. What should I do?

Down in the DUMPS

Dear Dumps:

This actually happened to me about a year ago. Being in the season of Christmas and all, why don’t you try this? Go out in your yard, pick up all of the dogs mess, and place it a box. Wrap the box with some very nice wrapping paper and bow, and then send it to your neighbor. Include a very nice Holiday card thanking him for all the things his dog has done for you. This should send the correct message and hopefully this won’t happen again. Hey…It WORKED for ME. Good Luck…

Until Later…