Just Ask Sooz, the Christmas Elf


Dear Sooz:

Rudolph here…Yeah, the Reindeer. As you must realize, this is my busiest season. While flying through the sky, travelling over 6 million miles, and landing on too many rooftops to count is fun, it STILL takes its toll. I’m exhausted.

Here’s the rub, Santa doesn’t care. It’s RIGHT back to the routine again the next day. Flying practice, teaching the young to be good reindeer, mating, and then those damn Reindeer games, don’t get me started.

I mean the Elfs all get a week off, why can’t we? Look, we ALL have our faults Sooz, I get it, but Why on God’s green Earth does Santa have to be such a F**KING slave driver? Don’t get me wrong, the guy is Merry, laughs like a bowl full of jelly, and Ho Ho Ho’s with the BEST of ‘em, he just doesn’t see the need for us to get a little break and have some DOWN time once in a while.

All of us feel the same way, Donner, Blitzen, etc., we’re just too afraid to confront the old boy. We’re afraid he might just get pissed off, open that Jug which keeps his nose continuously red, and tell us all to F**K Off, we’re fired. Any magical thoughts on the subject that might help our plight Sooz?

Wrecked Up Rudolph


Dear Wrecked Up Rudolph:

Yikes!!! Had no idea Santa was such a slave driver? OK…Here’s what you do. You and the other Reindeer invite Santa out to the Pub for a few “SODAS” one night soon. Get him good and liquored up, you know, when he’s REALLY happy and starts spouting off the Ho Ho Ho’s, and then just address your concerns straight out.

Explain to him that you guys have been doing this for hundreds of years now and that you’re NOT getting any younger. Let him know how much you respect him and the Mrs. and while you LOVE your job, you just need a little break.

I believe in doing it this way he will see your point of view and give you guys the time off. If NOT, tell him to “GO TO HELL”…Disneyland is ALWAYS looking for flying Reindeer. Good Luck…