What’s It Like to be a Recovering Alcoholic

Many times people who know me, come up and ask me what’s it like to be a recovering alcoholic. The simple answer isIT SUCKS!!! There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about the “Glory days” of being drunk.
Yes, I still remember the days of partying and giving folks a boob shot after a few drinks, but, then again, I never DID like waking up in some strange bed the next morning, laying next to someone who I had just met the night before.
OK, let me clarify that, it was the part about not REMEMBERING who or what I did the night before that was scary. Did he use a condom, what did I say, what did I do, did anyone from my office to see me that way, it was a mess.
Did I enjoy the drinking, Ohhhhhh Yeahhhh!!!! I was on top of the world, nothing could hurt or phase me. I would SAY what I wanted, and DO what I wanted, whenever I wanted.The thing is, the next day, I was ALWAYS being told some of the crazy ass things I would say or do that wellI SHOULDN’T have done or said.
I would start the day off with a couple of drinks, just to clear my head, go to work, have a few more drinks for lunch, and then meet with clients for MORE drinks later that night. I was what you would call a high functioning alcoholic.
The thing IS, I NEEDED that alcohol to just GET me through the dayEVERY DAY. My blackouts would become more and more frequent, and my behavior was slowly becoming more OUTRAGEOUS. When I wrote about being the Wedding SLUT, that was TRUE, I WAS the SLUT. After a few drinks, I would dance around like a fool, and have drunken sex with just about ANYONE who wanted it, male OR female. I ALWAYS was the hit of the wedding, ORSo I THOUGHT.
There just came to a point in my life that I decided I NEEDED to put away the party girl image and GROW upFinally, after 43 years I DID it. Do I miss that part of my life, SOMETIMES, but I realized that within a few more years, had I continued along that path, I would become a homeless, hopeless, and friendless drunk.
I am glad that I did what I did, and would recommend to ANYONE who is on MY former path, to also do yourself a favor, get clean. You may not be high on alcohol anymore, BUT, you will re-discover the benefits of a clear and sober head. God Bless…

Planning the New Year’s Eve Party

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I know what you’re gonna say…Acohol…NOPE…I was gonna say CONDOMS for when the alcohol takes effect. Hehehehe. Of COURSE you need alcohol silly, but you also need some OTHER things too.

How about some Pizza and wings? It just isn’t a party unless you have plenty of pizza and wings to shove into your mouth while consuming LARGE quantities of alcohol. I mean where is the fun if somebody doesn’t consume WAY too much food and alcohol and puke all over the toilet for an hour or so. It’s THEN, and ONLY then, you know you’re getting close to midnight.

 You need lots of games. Oh YEAH….I am a HUGE game player so I need lots of stimulating Stripping games to help move the party along. Twister is actually one of my FAVORITES. Nothing more fun than to see my friends or ME get tangled on top of someone in a drunken stupor and PROCREATING right there on the game board.

 

 Hey, don’t forget the music. No party is complete without ALL styles of music. I’m talkin’ from classic rock and country, to downright NASTY Gangsta Rap and Hard core Metal music. Usually at MY parties, I hire a live group who can accommodate ALL of those styles.

 

Finally, towards 4 or 5 AM, we play the guessing game, who is going home with whose spouse or girlfriend? Another one is WHO can actually DRIVE??? I NEVER let someone drive who has had too much to drink. I have a special person in charge of keys who monitors the alcohol consumption of my guests, and then removes their keys at the end of the evening if they are too drunk to drive.

 

I have plenty of room in my home for several people to stay over so it is NEVER any problem. It’s ALSO advantageous for me because Usually, I just wander from room to room in my drunken stupor and sleep with as many guests who are staying over as possible. Gotta LOVE New Year’s Eve parties, what a blast.

 

I hope you all have a Happy and safe New Year’s Eve and HEY, if you have nowhere to go, come and party at MY home, I can ALWAYS use another drunken person to sleep with. Happy New Year…

 

Until Later…

 

 

Politics Schmalitics

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So…I just thought I would throw MY two cents into the political arena. OK…We have TWO cute guys running this year so it’s gonna be REAL hard to decide WHO to vote for in the Election. That IS this year RIGHT???

I watched the debate the other night while under the influence of my favorite libation, and all I saw were two CUTE guys BICKERIN’ back and forth at each other. I know, I know…that’s why they CALL it a debate RIGHT???

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Somehow though, I never hear anything NEW!!! EVERYBODY wants to SAVE America with a NEW DIRECTION. REALLY??? Then why are we so Freakin’ in the SAME mess that we were four years ago? It seems that EVERY Election somebody has a Great New Way to bail us out of our economic woes. They can put thousands back to work, have great health care for all, AND put extra money in EVERYBODYS pocket through the antiquated TAX system.

HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Does THIS ever really happen??? No, it doesn’t. So WHY do we really have to WORRY about who we have to vote for? It DOESN’T make ANY freakin’ difference. One liar is as good as the next.

Now…What I would like them to talk about are the REAL issues like:

* Giving away FREE condoms to all Hyper Sexual Beings on the planet

* Free Vibrator batteries after every hundred used
 
* Having LADIES NIGHT EVERY Night

* Receiving our Social Security Benefits NOW while the Government STILL has any money left. Let US pay THEM back LATER, we PROMISE we will…Bats EYES!!!

* No waiting in lines or having to book Dr’s appointments a YEAR in advance IF we get (Fat Chance) FREE HEALTH CARE.

* Free Child Care…Oh COME ON…You can TOO do it!!!

But, do we ever hear THESE issues debated??? BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking only for myself here, I am GLAD that the Elections only come once every Four (RIGHT?) years. Do you know WHY? First of all, you have all those annoying conventions which seem like weeks on end. Yes I’m SURE they are all NECESSARY, (Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz), BUT, HEY, they SCREW UP all the good TV shows that are on. RIGHT, Who’s WITH me here? I don’t know, maybe things will change. I’ll tell you what though, I WON’T hold my breath.

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Well, at least THIS year we have two Cuties. It’s gonna be REALLY hard to decide this time. Make sure you ALL get out there and VOTE and I’ll see you in November. That IS when we vote right?

Until Later…