Ten Ideas For a New Reality TV Show

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10. Survivor BENEFITS—A new show starting in the fall which shows how people in different walks of life survive off the income of deceased loved ones.

9.  Who Wants to Become a Millionaire AGAIN—Game show where former millionaires who have lost their fortunes compete against each other. Each are given a million dollars and the one who does the best job of investing the money in fraudulent Ponzi schemes wins.

8.  Divorce American Style—A show that follows 4 divorcing couples over a six month period. Fun ensues by following the trickery of hiding marital assets, constant bickering over who gets what, and the never ending battle of support and maintenance payments.

7.  Drink, Drank, DRUNK—This show follows two alcoholic women and how they function in their everyday lives. Grab a drink or many drinks, sit, relax, and enjoy the antics of a drunkard’s dream. (I invested HEAVILY into this one…)

6.  My Garage, My Castle–HGTV’s new reality show following men who live in their garage. Hosted by W.T. Sluts, the show displays remodeled garages of some of the poor yet HANDY former trailer owners.

5.  Hookers, Whores and Harlots—A new Showtime arrival where women of ill repute are shown in their natural element. The show follows them as they bar hop, display their art of seduction, and the ultimate act of “closing the deal”…No one under 18 admitted here…(UNLESS, of course, you have MONEY)…

4.  Wieners and Beans—A new Triple X rated show starting in the fall on HBO about…Well…Let’s just say it has NOTHING to do with picnics…Watching this show may encourage an urge to use lubricants, have some with you.

3.  NYPD Blue vs. NCIS, Law and Order and The Rookies—Bravo starts the ULTIMATE cop game show. Contestants are presented with several challenges: Donut eating, Shooting while inebriated, Cursing, and chasing fake suspects. Points are allotted and the prize winner gets to play a DR. on Grey’s Anatomy for an entire season.

2.  So You Think You’re Too OLD To Dance—Fox Network introduces its new dance show for OLD folks. Octogenarians compete for a mirror ball trophy they CAN’T even LIFT. Dance routines include all ballroom genres and  contestants are allowed to use canes, walkers and or wheel chairs to compete.

OK….Look… There IS no NUMBER 1…I’m too drunk to think of the last one so the HELL with it…SUE ME…

Until Later…

 

Sexy Tuesday

 

 

Tonight’s The Night.

See me dance Au-natural in the glow of moonlight’s charm.
Holding you in my hands, drinking from thy forbidden fruit.
Wishing that thy nectar would continue to course through my body ’till eternity’s demise.

Spare me no mercy lover, make me drunk from thy strength,
Make me submit to thy powerful come hither spell.
Touch my danger zone with thy forceful poison.
Consume me until mornings light, then let the dance begin again.

 

13 Fun Things to do in an Elevator

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Pretend you’re the elevator operator and call out the floors as you approach them.

Pass gas and then quietly point to someone else and hold your nose.

Sing along with the elevator music.

Dance

Start talking to everyone…WARNING…They may look at you funny and ask if you are on any medications.

Bring some books on the elevator and then ask someone to hold them while you READ one.

Pick your nose disgustingly…Afterwards…Ask if anyone has a Kleenex.

Say…”Is it HOT in here”, and start disrobing.

Ask each person which floor they are going to and WHY.

Yell FIRE and watch to see what happens. Hopefully…There is no one from Home Land Security on board.

Start Praying really loud.

Eat a sub sandwich in front of everyone and ask them if they would like a bite.

Shave your armpits.

Until Later…

 

 

 

Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do

I was sittin’ here thinking this morning what to write about, and then, outta the BLUE comes THIS little Gem. I’m sure we ALL have things we wish we could do in our lives, some profound, and some just simple. I thought I would offer you up a couple of what MY Wants would be.

First and foremost, I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be able to PEE while standing. I mean GUYS have ALL the fun. They can just WHIP it out ANYWHERE, even write the Gettysburg Address in the snow (If they have snow), and then just give it a healthy SHAKE and THROW it back in their pants. WE, on the other hand, are relegated to sitting down all proper, TINKEL, and then wipe ourselves (Daintily of course) with toilet paper.

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            Eyes FRONT Guys

Oh SURE, we CAN do it, but then we get little droplets of piss running down our legs and into our panties. It JUST isn’t WORTH the TIME cleaning ourselves off.

The Second thing I’ve always wanted to do is SNOWBOARD. This would be a very DO-ABLE want except for one thing, I have TWO left feet. Yup, that’s right folks, Suzie Q is EXTREEMLY clumsy. I LOVE to dance but I am usually escorted BACK to my seat after I have RUINED my date’s shoes by stepping all over them.

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               OK…I think THAT”S enough

I’m not certain, BUT, I believe you need two GOOD feet in order to snowboard. Kinda like surfing but on a smaller board right? Somehow, I just don’t See myself doing that unless somehow I was belted, buckled, and BELIEVED I could do the task. I can just picture it now…Me flying down a mountain at 100 MPH with only ONE FRICKIN’ Tree or bench on the whole course and “I” would find it.

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                              Oopsie Daisy

Well, Maybe in my NEXT life when I come back as an Olympic skier I’ll TRY Snowboarding. MAYBE!!!!

Last but not LEAST, (Don’t LAUGH now), I’ve always wanted to be a STRIPPER/POLL DANCER. I said DON’T LAUGH!!! Yup…Go figure huh, I love turning folks on, so… WHY NOT get PAID for it???

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          How LOW can you GO

Hey…It’s something I love doing right, DANCING, and the money can be upwards of a 150K per year. Hmmmmmm….Let me THINK on this one for a while hehehe.  even though these are all GREAT aspirations, I think for now, I’m just gonna stick with what I’m BEST at…SEX!!!

Until Later…

A Night On The Town

 

So…How times has THIS happened to you?

 

 

You’re at a bar with your girlfriends and the next thing you remember, someone is singing Braham’s Lullaby into your ear telling you it’s time to go home. I must admit, I have been this girl far to often than I would like to admit.

Now, does this mean I’m an alcoholic, or perhaps a DRUNK, (An alcoholic who doesn’t ATTEND meetings), I think NOT…At least that’s what I’M going with. I believe that you could call people like the woman in this picture, ME, and others, “Good Timers”…That’s right, say it WITH me…”Good Timers”. We are people that like to go out, have a COUPLE of drinks, DANCE the night away, and well, just have a good time.

 

Personally, I don’t think that is such a big deal, do YOU? I mean it’s NOT like I’m getting drunk every night and sleeping with three or four guys. OK…I did that JUST a COUPLE of times but in my defense….Hmmmm, OK, so I don’t HAVE a defense, but it was STILL only a COUPLE of times.

 

Anyway, if you are looking for a “Good Timer” redhead who likes to party, call me sometime, my phone number is listed under sensual females. I will be dressed ( Or Undressed), and ready to go. Oh, and by the way, make sure you know Braham’s Lullaby so you can wake me when it’s time to go home.

 

Until Later…