Bad Pick Up Lines and Lines That Really Work

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We’ve all been there, you’re at a bar or nightclub with your girlfriends and all of a sudden this guy comes up and starts hitting on you.

Now I’m not a hard woman to pick up, BUT, I just DESPISE Cheesy, or just plain STUPID pick up lines. Here are a few that I’ve found and SOME of these I have actually heard before that actually made my skin crawl.


As a piece of advice, I wouldn’t care if you look like Johnny Depp or Jennifer Aniston, if you USE these lines on me, you’re HISTORY.

1.  Excuse me, did your skirt come from space, because your ass is from another planet?

2.  Someone told me you don’t know how to kiss; do you wanna practice on ME?

3.  Be unique and different, say YES.

4.  Come home and make love with me tonight or I will tell everybody we did it anyway.

5.  I’m not REALLY this all; I’m sitting on my wallet.

6.  Damn, you have more curves than a Formula 1 racing car.

7.  Nice skirt, can I HAVE it?

8.  Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and me together.

9.  Are your legs tired, because you been running through my mind all day?

   10. Are you LOST, ‘cause it’s so strange to see an ANGEL so far from Heaven?

 

I don’t know if any of you guys out there have used any of these, but I’m pretty sure you Ladies have certainly heard one or more of these crazy lines. Here’s a clue guys, we like the polite, confident, truthful approach. Here’s an example that will win you points with ME every time.

“Excuse me, I have been watching you from across the bar and I would very much like to get to know you better. Will you give me a chance?” Try it guys, it WORKS. We LIKE guys who show a true interest in getting to KNOW us FIRST before undoing our skirt zippers.

Just be yourself. I would say that unless you are drunk, or dress like a Hobo, we will certainly give you a chance. Next lesson: How to Woo a Woman.

Until Later…

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

Helpful Pick Up Techniques For Guys

Pick up lines

 Guys…You need some help in the art of picking up a woman so I’m gonna help ya. I’m writing this with the hope that I can put an end to all the silly lines you give us just so you can get into our pants. Now, I don’t profess to be a sex goddess, or pick up artist, BUT, as a woman who has a lot of girlfriends, this is what I have found that works for US.

No matter where you plan on picking us up, PLEASE don’t use a corny pick up line. First of all (for the most part) ,they don’t work, and second, they make you look like you’re about 14 years old. We like our men just a tad older (mentally) that’s all.

The most important thing you can do to impress us (without having a huge wallet stuffed with cash), is just BE YOURSELF. Seriously, it works…TRY it. We don’t care if you’re an Astronaut or a Hollywood movie producer,(But if you really ARE…go ahead and use the pick up line), we would be just as happy if you were say a PIG farmer, or a Ditch Digger, (Do they still have those jobs…Assuming you make good money doing this), just be YOURSELF.

We play along with your big and important act, BUT, it usually only takes just a couple of minutes before we catch on. It’s just that Female trait we all have ya know,…It’s called a BRAIN…

Next…Be confident. Don’t approach us if your not, ‘cause you’re gonna get your feelings crushed when we say we would rather eat GLASS than be with you. Take a couple of courses on self assuredness first, Then try again. We Love men who are confident and self assured. It helps our sense of security and it’s something many of us look for in a man.

Talk about US and OUR feelings. OK….I know many of you are not into talking about touchy feely stuff, but TRY it…I’m telling’ ya…It works guys. Again we feel like you really ARE concerned about us and how we feel and that makes us well…Let’s just say we wanna get to know you more intimately.

Last but not least are your listening skills. Again, I know you are the hunter types and this is something only used while listening for wild Buffalo, BUT, again, if you DO listen to us, you will show us that you indeed really care about what we’re saying. By doing this, and the other things talked about, almost any guy can become a pick up artist.

Now…Here’s the kicker, if you DO sleep with us, (And understand, we sleep with YOU because we really like you and have an emotional attachment), You better remember how to use the F**KING phone the next day or the next time we see you, we may inadvertently bump into you and CUT OFF YOUR BALLS. I meant that in the nicest possible way though.

There is nothing more rude than sleeping with us, getting all our hopes up of Marrying your ass, and then you don’t call us. I realize that at times WE want it just as much as you do but still, would it KILL ya to call us and say what a great time you had the night before? NOT that I’m saying this has EVER (God Forbid), happened to me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So…There you have it guys, use it wisely cause… We still know how to access your NETHER regions…Just Sayin’.

Until Later…

Things NOT to Say On a Date

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As many who read me know, I have not been the luckiest person when it comes to dating. What I CAN tell you however are some things that you should never say to your date.

* Never say: “You look like a hippo in a thong”.  Even if it IS true it really dampens the mood.

* NEVER call his mother a whore. Again, even if she is one, keep it to yourself.

* If he asks you how many sexual experiences you’ve had, Never say “Hmmmm, more than a rabbit“, (Hint…always say ONE).

* Don’t mention how you would love to be married on the first date…or second….or third…Nuff said here.

* Never mention that his bell bottom jeans went out in the 60’s.

* Never say he dances like Fred Flintstone and offer to pay for some dance lessons…(BIG MISTAKE).

* Don’t mention how handsome he is if he looks like Fred Flintstone…It MAY lead to dancing.

* Never mention that eating chocolate was more exciting than his dinner conversation….EVER!!!!!

* If he asks to go back to your place after for a little nookie, tell him it’s your time of the month. ( Guaranteed you will NEVER hear from him again.

* Don’t ask how old he is ’cause you already KNOW the answer….Emotionally…5.

These are just a few I’ve found usually don’t lead to a second date. Now, that being said, “Anyone wanna date me”  ?????

Until Later…