Super Bowl Sunday Again

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So today is Super Bowl Sunday and I have invited some of my male friends over to watch the game. I just happen to have a 60” screen TV so the clarity is just like being there. Here’s the rub…I don’t LIKE football. Now I know what some you are screaming at me, “Sooz, how can you NOT like football, it’s an American staple for God’s sake?”

To that I say, “It’s BORRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!” Well, OK, except for the guys in their skin tight pants and bulges showing, (NOT their wallets). Oh, I also like it when they pat their teammates on the Butt when they score.  It seems like you get it all right, nice ass views AND a little harmless male porn, (Butt fondling).

As far as how the game is played…DON’T CARE!!! All it seems like to me is a lot of running in BOTH directions, and then they cut to the sexy as Hell cheerleaders…..Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S why I watch…J

My favorite parts of the whole game are the commercials. Sure, I have an interest there because of my job, BUT, the ingenuity in many of these is second to none and makes me wish OUR Co. had one there. The problem of course is that the average ad runs around 4 million dollars…

I also like to entertain so I always have it catered and make sure there is lots of booze available. Nothing better than sitting back with a bunch of friends, watching tight clothed men with bulges, ass fondling, great commercials and wonderful food.

I sincerely hope all of you have a great Super Bowl Sunday and remember…Don’t drink and drive…Call a cab or have a designated driver…Go Teams!!!! Who’s playing anyway????

Until Later…

 

 

 

Thanksgiving…The REAL Story

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Since Thanksgiving is one of my favorite Holidays, I thought it would be appropriate to re-post my favorite Thanksgiving write. OK…You GOT me, it;s my ONLY Thanksgiving write, BUT…I still Love it…Enjoy!!! Oh…Happy Turkey Day  to all out there that celebrate this day.

Thursday is Thanksgiving, a day for stuffing our faces, drinking till we puke , Oh yeah, and of course being thankful that we CAN eat and drink till we puke.

I thought that today I would take you back to the first Thanksgiving and give you the Paul Harvey version of the event. “What”, you say, “it wasn’t a blissful, and meaningful day of friendship and harmony?” Well, it was, but there were a few kinks in the story here and God forbid…The gathering didn’t even have any Football to watch.

Back in 1621 when it was supposed to have happened, you have to remember, in November in Plymouth Mass, it was “colder than a witches tit”. Plus, the Indians at the time didn’t have Armani clothing like the Pilgrims did. They, (The Indians, Or better known as The Red Man), just wore funny looking little swim trunks, moccasins, and some feathers on their heads. They were freezing’ their ASSES off.

It all started after the planting season had ended and THANK GOD, they produced just enough corn and berries to live through the winter. The pilgrims, always in the mood for a party said, “Let’s have a party with those scantily clothed Red men and have the first Thanksgiving.” Well, of course the red men were delighted to saver some of the bounty from the Pilgrims stash, so they put on their BEST swim trunks and feathers and headed on over to the feast.

Ahhhh, and what a feast it was too…Wild turkey, Pheasant, Goose, even some dead Eagles (ROAD KILL), were rustled up. Now the Indians also brought food to the party. They brought stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberries and of course Pumpkin Pie. Ohhh…I almost forgot, they brought the MOST important thing to the party…BOOZE!!!

The Pilgrims, seeing the Indians dressed in their finest swim trunks, yet freezing their cohunes off, asked the Indians if they wanted to get a little warmer. Of course the Indians being a proud people said they would but ONLY if the Pilgrims took something from them in return. Well…That’s another blog ‘cause the pilgrims decided to take all their LAND. The Indians, (Now a little drunk), eagerly agreed and the party went on until the wee hours (What ever the HELL that is), of the morning. They ate like hogs, drank like fish, and stumbled to their beds.

Sooooo, there you have the TRUE story of Thanksgiving. Oh…BTW…If anyone really BELIEVES this, I have some property I am trying to unload…Call me.

Until Later…

Thanksgiving…The REAL Story

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Tomorrow, (If you’re reading this on Wednesday), is Thanksgiving, a day for stuffing our faces, drinking till we puke , Oh yeah, and of course being thankful that we CAN eat and drink till we puke.

I thought that today I would take you back to the first Thanksgiving and give you the Paul Harvey version of the event. “What”, you say, “it wasn’t a blissful, and meaningful day of friendship and harmony?” Well, it was, but there were a few kinks in the story here and God forbid…The gathering didn’t even have any Football to watch.

Back in 1621 when it was supposed to have happened, you have to remember, in November in Plymouth Mass, it was “colder than a witches tit”. Plus, the Indians at the time didn’t have Armani clothing like the Pilgrims did. They, (The Indians, Or better known as The Red Man), just wore funny looking little swim trunks, moccasins, and some feathers on their heads. They were freezing’ their ASSES off.

It all started after the planting season had ended and THANK GOD, they produced just enough corn and berries to live through the winter. The pilgrims, always in the mood for a party said, “Let’s have a party with those scantily clothed Red men and have the first Thanksgiving.” Well, of course the red men were delighted to saver some of the bounty from the Pilgrims stash, so they put on their BEST swim trunks and feathers and headed on over to the feast.

Ahhhh, and what a feast it was too…Wild turkey, Pheasant, Goose, even some dead Eagles (ROAD KILL), were rustled up. Now the Indians also brought food to the party. They brought stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberries and of course Pumpkin Pie. Ohhh…I almost forgot, they brought the MOST important thing to the party…BOOZE!!!

The Pilgrims, seeing the Indians dressed in their finest swim trunks, yet freezing their cohunes off, asked the Indians if they wanted to get a little warmer. Of course the Indians being a proud people said they would but ONLY if the Pilgrims took something from them in return. Well…That’s another blog ‘cause the pilgrims decided to take all their LAND. The Indians, (Now a little drunk), eagerly agreed and the party went on until the wee hours (What ever the HELL that is), of the morning. They ate like hogs, drank like fish, and stumbled to their beds.

Sooooo, there you have the TRUE story of Thanksgiving. Oh…BTW…If anyone really BELIEVES this, I have some property I am trying to unload…Call me.

Until Later…
 

Things Women Lie About

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I have found that over the years, women as a species MAY have a tendency to LIE!!!
NOW…No way am I saying that ALL women lie or are VAGUE…Oh Hell…YES I am.

We, as women are given certain inalienable rights bestowed upon us by God, Allah, Jehovah, The great Spirit, and, or any other deity out there, NOT counting Satan, (As he is just a big booger face).

For example…If you looked on my drivers license REAL close… You would see that I was born in 1993…making me, lets see….Add two, carry the four, divide by 3, and subtract 6…18…Wait…That can’t be right…Ohhhhh….It’s 1978…Didn’t have glasses on…So I am appearing to be 33…A MUCH better number. I’m just sayin’ that SOMETIMES… birth certificates might just be WRONG (With a little help from your favorite computer), OR… 200.00 bucks to some guy named SKEETER.

Another thing we may not be as truthful as we should be is with our weight. For example…I have weighed 110 lbs since I was 9 years old…BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Does this sound familiar girls??? I mean why should we tell ANYONE what our weight is anyway??? Who cares, it’s nobody’s business but OURS.

Damn those Dr’s scales anyway…They always LIE and say that I am actually heavier than I really am. Why can’t they just take MY word for it anyway? It’s the LEAST they could do at the exorbitant prices I’m paying them. “Oh hello Sue…I see your weight is STILL 110, good for you dear”. Hey…At errr, ah, 33…and 110lbs, I am in GREAT shape, just ask ME!!!

The third and probably the biggest thing we lie about is our feelings. WE… are GREAT actresses. Many times we will just hide within ourselves rather than just come out swinging. Here’s a perfect example:

Your man comes home drunk one night and you are so pissed off you just wanna bend him over your knee and put a screwdriver up his *SS. Notice how I held my feelings in there by putting a star where the A should have gone??? He asks: What’s Wrong” ? You just say: “Oh nothing”… (Which really means if you ever do this again, I’ll hog tie your drunken ass to the bed and pour scalding water all over ya). Was that a good example girls? Or…How about when he’s watching football and you want him to come to the store with you so you can buy some shoes. He says the game will be over in just 5 minutes, BUT… It goes on… and on… and on…I know you’re frustrated as hell, but, what I’ve learned is to ask him how many FOOTBALL minutes it will be…

That way, you’ll be able to figure out your ACTUAL wait time…And… How EXPENSIVE your shoes can be.  😉

Until Later…