Funny Things to Say on a Valentine’s Card

Image

May all of your wishes…I mean…May the winds of… No that isn’t it… May your life be filled…DAMN… Oh HELL…Happy Valentine’s Day.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Daisies are white, and my Valentine’s Day card is red too…Huh!!! Go figure…

May all of your hopes and all of your dreams be better realized, on your MISTRESS you Jerk!!! Happy Valentine’s Day…

This Valentine’s Day I’m buying something you’ve ALWAYS wanted…Batteries for your Dildo…Enjoy!!!

It’s not the GIFT that counts, it’s the THOUGHT. So…I have NO gift BUT…I have GREAT thoughts for later tonight…**SMILE** Happy Valentine’s Day…

Valentine’s Day is like eating a bowl of cherries, the FIRST one is great,but after a while, they all go sour…

Valentine’s Day is my FAVORITE Holiday, right after Christmas, the fourth of July, Easter, Dingus Day, New Years, St. Patrick’s Day, The Ides of March, April Fool’s Day, May Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Arbor Day, Tuesday, and my dog’s birthday. Happy Valentine’s Day…

Valentine’s Day is the day of Love…That’s why I’m LEAVING you cold hearted BITCH!!! Happy Valentine’s Day.

For Valentine’s Day I wanted to give you my Heart…Then, I realized I NEEDED it so I sole a Cadavers for you…Happy Valentine’s Day…

This Valentine’s Day I want you to have the BEST sex ever…Too bad that you’re in Prison and will be getting it from Bubba…Happy Valentine’s Day…