Ten Things NOT To Do If You Wanna Get Laid

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10.  Only having a four word vocabulary…Nuff said…

 9.  McDonalds is NOT a FINE dining restaurant…Just Sayin’.

 8.  Honking your horn to let her know you’re there.

 7.  Smelling like you just came from cleaning the fish market.

 6.  Dressing like you just came from a Woodstock Concert (Look it up)…J

 5.  Burger King and a Porn film does NOT count as dinner and a movie.

 4.  Trying to impress us with your BURPING prowess.

 3.  Talking about your MOTHER all the time while on the date…  

 2.  Listening to Gangsta RAP to “set the mood”.

 1.  Having your date ask you if you take CREDIT cards.

Until Later…

Sex and The Single Gal

Today I want to talk bout what’s near and dear to all of us…SEX. Being single in today’s fast paced world is definitely NOT easy. Getting LAID is NOT as easy as everyone assumes by watching TV.

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                          CAN I Get LAID Tonight?

Let’s face it, EVERYBODY on TV is getting it, EVERYBODY. It really doesn’t matter whether you’re watching a Dr. show, or a Cop show, EVERYBODY seems to be doing it in some unusual places. Tell me, am I RIGHT?

Storage rooms, supply closets, I men YOU think about it and someone is getting their NETHER regions slapped and tickled. Guess what, in REAL life…HELLLLLLLLO, it’s NOT like that.

Take ME for instance, (PLEASE), I couldn’t resist, I absolutely LOVE SEX, BUT, do you see me with MY skirt up over my head in some dirty supply closet??? NO!!!

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So what’s the REAL truth here folks? Getting Laid is HARD. Oh I know what you’re thinking, “But Sue, just show us you’re interested and we would be HAPPY to oblige you.” BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!

OK, I am not the most SUBTLE woman in the world, (Could you tell), But even ‘I’ have a hard time getting Mr. Happy to come out to play. You know WHY, Society that’s why. Yup, even though we have just about every pill and tool out there known to man so we can’t get pregnant, Guys are still a little shy.

Oh sure, sometimes we may FORGET to take our birth control pill a day or so a week but Hey, THAT could happen to anybody RIGHT? Guys, for the MOST part are still shy around women. If you are LUCKY enough to get a womanizer, GREAT, if not, if ya wanna get some ACTION, you have to TAKE some action.

Now, just WHAT do I mean by that? Well, you have to SHOW the guy you’re interested. Laugh at all his silly jokes, keep eye contact, touch his shoulder with your hand, OR…You can just GRAB HIS DICK. Just kidding, sort of, but show him that you WANT it. Whisper in his ear. Say things like… “Hey, I’m horny as HELL and I’d like to get LAID.

OK, again I’m just kidding but GIVE him that “Come On” look in your eyes. Ask him if he’d like to come up for a drink and then change into something a little more comfortable, like your SEXIEST lingerie.

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If THAT doesn’t work folks, NOTHING will. Tell him what a great time you had as you stand there with your undies sopping wet, and bid him adieu. Maybe NEXT time will be YOUR time to get LUCKY. I HOPE you found this enlightening.

Until Later…

Disclaimer: The above post was written by a HORN DOG and should NOT be perceived to have the above events taken other than with a grain of HUMOR!!