Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:
Each year at Christmas I receive many gifts that I just don’t want. I believe  it is OK to re-gift these items, yet my husband, says re-gifting is simply tacky and that I should just donate them. What are your thoughts on this?
Re-Gifting Gerry

Dear Re-Gifting:
Good question. Here is what I think about re-gifting. This is all just a matter of opinion. For example, let’s say you received a Lady Remington Shaver that you didn’t want, rather than take it back, you might actually KNOW someone who would LIKE that gift. Now in THIS case, it wouldn’t be tacky.
However, if you received… I don’t know, let’s say an ugly Christmas sweater, and you re-gifted THAT, THEN I believe, you would be awarded entry into the Tacky Hall of Fame.
Just do what you believe is right in your heart, hey, EVERYONE does it, you might just as well jump on the band wagon. Hope this helped…

Dear Sooz:
My husband of 15 years just gave me some sexy lingerie which he wants me to wear all the time. Honestly Sooz, the garment is just not me. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not a prude in any way, it’s just that every time I wear it, he gets excited and wants to make love. I like making love, just not all the time. How can I explain this to him without hurting his male ego?
Lost in Lingerie
Dear Lost in Lingerie:
First of all, be GLAD that your husband thinks of you as that sexy woman and wants to make love to you all the time. That being said, just explain to your husband that while HIS sex drive is stuck in OVERDRIVE, yours is in DRIVE with a touch of NEUTRAL.
Make sure he knows how sweet it was of him to think of you that way, (Even though it was really for HIM), assure him that you love him, and that you just need a BRAKE (Sorry, couldn’t help the car reference) sometimes. I’m sure if your husband loves you that he will understand. Good Luck…

Just Ask Sooz

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Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:

I was recently invited to an engagement party. I was a little shocked because I have only known the bride to be for a short time. I am wondering if this means I will automatically be invited to the wedding? I was just a little shocked, and am wondering if I should be thinking about buying a wedding gift.

Confused in Detroit

Dear Confused:

Well, I guess it all depends on what your GIFT was for the engagement party, just kidding. Etiquette dictates that if you were invited to the engagement party that you will definitely be invited to the wedding.

I would start shopping for a nice gift now as the invite should be arriving soon. Enjoy!!!

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I am a 34 four year old woman who has a “unique” problem.  For lack of a better term, I “pass the gas station” a Lot. I mean I expel odorous gasses at the most inconvienient times. OK, look, I FART a lot.
I have been to Gastrointestinal Dr’s. who recommended a complete diet change and also to add Beano to my diet. I have tried this Sooz yet nothing seems to help.

The other night when my boyfriend and I were making love, he was satisfying me orally when I let out the loudest sounding fart you have ever heard. No kidding, this fart could have awakened the dead. I was embarrassed as hell because not only did this put a damper on our lovemaking, but the entire room stunk to high heaven.
I am so mortified and I don’t know what to do. Can you offer some encouraging advice?

Skunking up the place

Dear Skunking up the place:

While you have seemed to take the correct approach to the problem, there is still something obviously wrong. My guess…It’s STILL your diet. You say you have changed but MY guess there are still some Pizza’s or Taco’s in your diet. Many foods are just naturally gas producing foods.

Many foods such as beans, cabbage and carbonated drinks are known for producing gas. Try eating more Yogart. This helps digest your food better and cuts down on flatulence.f you are still going to eat gas producing foods, eat yogurt directly afterwards and NO foods within 2 hours before having sex.

Hopefully, in doing these things, you will alleviate your skunk like behavior. Good luck…

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am writing to you today because I have no where else to turn. Both Dear Abby and Ann Landers have passed to the great Barmitzvah in the sky so , guess what, you’re it.

I am a 33 year old woman who has been married for over 10 years and I need your help. My husband, (Let’s call him Harry), even though his name is Irving, is a loving husband but he has one small problem, his DICK

No, no, don’t get me wrong, his dick is not SMALL small , it’s just very difficult to bring to attention if ya know what I mean.

I have tried EVERYTHING from massage therapy to BJ’s and NOTHING I seem to try will get Harry’s dick any better than semi hard. Hell, I have even thought about using a flute and CHARMING the freakin’ thing like a snake if it would help. Any suggestions.

Frustrated Fanny

Dear Frustrated Fanny:

Your husband has something which sounds like a very common problem. We skilled sex therapists call it…Limpus Dickus. OK…I’m kidding here, but, it really isn’t funny.

There are a couple possible quicker “picker uppers.” The first is have him see a Dr. and find out if there is any physical reason for his “weak-end” performance…Sorry, I just couldn’t resist here.
If not, the Dr. may prescribe Viagra or penile injections to help “straighten out” his  “flailing sail.”

Usually, if there is no outside stress in the marriage this should improve his performance immediately. I wish you much luck with this as I realize it can be very frustrating for BOTH of you. Again, sorry about the penis jokes, I just couldn’t help myself. Good Luck.

Just Ask Sooz

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Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I have a question that probably plagues a lot of women who are afraid to ask.  My boyfriend continually wakes me up at 4 AM and starts rubbing his “YOU KNOW” on my ass. This is followed by him stroking my breasts and then asking, “Are you awake baby?”

Seriously? It’s fucking 4AM…I am sleeping numb nuts. Don’t get me wrong Sooz, I love him to bits but, at 4 AM all I wanna do is sleep. I don’t want to dissuade him from sex but at this hour, I need my beauty sleep. What would you suggest I do?

Early Riser

 

Dear Early Riser:

I feel for you ‘cause I once had a man who did the exact same thing. Now remember, *I* am a Nympho who LOVES sex, BUT, at 4 AM, I am usually drunk and NEED my sleep to RECOVER.

Here’s what I did…I just sat him down and said….LOOK Mr. MAN…When I said I like sex 24/7, it was really more like 20/7. At 4 AM, I don’t want to be feeling Mr. Happy up my Cooochy. I LOVE and RESPECT Mr. Happy’s needs, But, at 4 AM…I need to be ASLEEP baby….

Then I said, “ If you can’t respect this boundary, then I suggest you take your fishin’ pole and find ANOTHER drunken fish to hook. After THAT talk….I slept like a baby….

Have the talk baby, if he respects and loves you, he will honor this request. If he doesn’t, then send him to a DIFFERENT fishing hole….Good luck…

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I have a concern that I really need your help with. My boyfriend frequents this Restaurant/Bar he has been going to for years with his friends and one of the waitresses that works there is getting married.

She has invited him but not me. Here’s the thing, my boyfriend doesn’t really dance. He has only slow danced with me a couple of times and when I asked him not to slow dance with anyone, he became all indignant and told me I was being controlling.

I have spoken to both my male and female friends about this and they say that I am in the right. What do you have to say about this?

Dancing in the dark

 

Dear Dancing:

You ARE being a controlling BITCH. A dance is just that…A dance. Get off his ass about it. If you expect your relationship to go any further, get OVER your insecurities and let him have a FREAKIN’ dance. It’s not like he’s gonna pull Mr. Happy out right there on the dance floor and NAIL her to a wall.

I suggest you see someone about your insecurities unless your boyfriend has done something that causes you to feel this way. If he HAS, I would rethink the relationship. If he hasn’t, get off his F**KING ASS…

Look at it this way; if he is such a bad dancer, he will probably just end up  being a wallflower anyway so…GET OVER IT…Have a nice day…

 

Dear Sooz:

When my daughter and grandson visit my house looks like Hurricane Ike hit after they leave. I always taught my children manners, to respect adults, and their property. My daughter just let’s my grandson run wild and he gets into everything he can think of. When it’s time for them to go, she doesn’t even bother to pick up his mess. I would say something here but I don’t want to create a rift. What can I do?

Hair pulling Harry

 

Dear Hair Pulling:

It’s YOUR house and YOUR rules buster. If you taught your children so well, WHY is she disrespecting you so? Law down the law, if she lets him run rampant then SHE should be the one to clean up the mess. Sit her down calmly and explain what this is doing to you and your health. I’m sure that she will understand and be more respectful in the future. If she isn’t, then cut remind her that this is YOUR house and you should NOT have to clean up someone else’s mess. Good luck…

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

My wife and I have been happily married for 8 years now. A week ago we went to my sister’s wedding and my wife got terribly drunk. She did some things that were very embarrassing. My wife actually started a Conga line and while dancing, started flashing her boobs all over the reception.

She also danced with my best friend and was way too friendly, (If you get my gist). This behavior made me wonder if my wife is cheating on me with my best friend. The next day, I confronted her about it and she said she was sorry and that I had nothing to worry about, she was just drunk. What do you think and what should I do next if anything?

Worried Willy

 

Dear Worried:

Ohhhhh boy…My first impression is that it was the drunkenness that brought about this behavior. Believe me, I KNOW this behavior WELL. I AM this behavior. The difference being, I’m not married.

 I really wouldn’t worry about her; anyone can be a wedding slut after too many drinks. I KNOW because I have played this role MANY times. Hell, I once actually fell INTO the wedding cake.

Now that in itself was embarrassing ENOUGH…The thing is, I was dressed in my BRA and PANTIES at the time. Someone bet me I wouldn’t strip to my undies and being drunk, I WON the bet. Thing is, I don’t even REMEMBER how the cake TASTED. Some  dreams are better than others.

Again after eight years, you would KNOW if something was going on with your spouse and your friend. There would be obvious signs like smelling his cologne on her, or her working late more than usual. Her paying more attention to him than usual when you guys are together is a RED flag.

Cut her some slack THIS time and watch her drinking habits, she seems a lot like ME. Plus, I know from experience; when you have great BOOBS, you NEED an excuse to show them off and a Wedding reception is a GREAT time and place to exhibit this behavior.

I feel she truly loves you and believe me, SHE feels worse about this than YOU do. Hope this helps you.