Sue’s Quotes

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You can’t blame gravity for falling in love…. Albert Einstein

 

It’s all the MOON’S fault!!!…Sooz

 

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. Albert Einstein

 

I disagree, I say that in order to KEEP your balance, you need TRAINING WHEELS!!!…Sooz

 

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value… Albert Einstein

 

I say, Strive for BOTH!!! OK, I’m greedy!!! …Sooz

 

Light Bulb Jokes

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How much does it cost to have an Electrician change a light bulb?

 

1.   Think of a plan on how to do the job-100.00.

2.    Hire someone to go and pick UP the light bulb–20.00..

3.    Gas money used in the transaction… 10.00..

4     Cost of the Light bulb–8.00

5.    Hire someone to get ladder from the truck–10.00…

6.    Screw in the light bulb-50.00 by electrician. Total Cost:—198.00…

Customer cursing–Priceless!!!

Giggle Time–50 Shades of Grayish–

I have been a little down in the dumps lately so I haven’t felt much like being on line. I came across this joke though and it made me smile, I hope it does the same for you…

Sooz

50 shades of grayish
He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face  as his wife moved forwards
then backwards, forward then backward, again and  again.
Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, a little to the  right, a
little to the left, she could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts, and
trickling down the small of her back, she was getting
near to the end.
Her heart was pounding, her  face was
flushed, she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan  louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream
and shouted; “OK, OK, you smug bastard, I  can’t parallel
park, YOU do it!!!!

Trick-or-treating in danger from wild hogs

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Being a humorist, I am always looking for funny or unusual News stories….When I saw this one, I just HAD to pass it along.

Oct 28, 2014

MELBOURNE, Fla. (UPI) — A Florida homeowner’s association says trick-or-treating is under threat from the wild hogs overrunning their neighborhood.

The homeowners association for the Sawgrass at Suntree neighborhood, located just north of Melbourne, said it is concerned the wild hogs could pose a threat to trick-or-treaters and a trapper is working this week to remove the swine in time for the holiday.

The trapper, James Dean, said he has captured eight hogs so far this week. He said the animals have been accused of digging up 17 lawns in the area.

“Some of the homeowners are telling me they’re walking out on the sidewalk, they’re pooping, they’re crossing the road,” Dean told WESH-TV.

He said a final push is being planned to clear the hogs out before Halloween.

“What we’ll do is come in Wednesday or Thursday with a pack of dogs that will actually catch the hogs and at least scare them further away from the residents around here,” Dean said.

Dean told Florida Today the hogs come from a nearby wildlife area and have caused problems in previous years.

“This year is the worst I’ve ever seen,” Dean said.

I guess that spoils my Halloween costume for this year, I WAS going to go Trick Or Treating dressed as a Hog. I guess NOW, I will have to go as Trapper JohnGeese!!!!!!


Read more at http://www.arcamax.com/entertainment/weirdnews/s-1580239?ezine=11#XbbZe5GseUsP1lS5.99

Deer Runs Buck Wild Through Furniture Store

I’m always up for a good news story so when this one broke, I just couldn’t resist. On October 26th. In Cedar Falls, Iowa, A Buck with a cornucopia of horns, busted through a furniture store window and began his shopping.

I guess he just couldn’t wait until the store opened. He wanted to get a “run” on all the sales before the REAL animals, the people, came running through, and started to grab all the sales before THEY could.

No one was hurt, according to UPI, the Buck just came in, did his shopping, and then exited through the back door, using his antlers to pry it open. I guess the proverbial “Bull in a China Shop” now has some competition.

The Buck was not hurt and appeared to have NOT purchased anything. I guess the sales were either NOT that good, or, the Buck just couldn’t find anything he really liked.

The store owner, Deb Emmert, said everyone was just yelling,”Get out of the way” and laughing as the Deer went his merry way, pushing furniture everywhere and then, just exiting through the back door.

It appears that EVERYONE had a good time, except for the deer who wound up with nothing but a bruised head and a bit of excitement.

Ten Things NOT To Do On Halloween

1. Bob for apples in a tub filled with Vodka—You may not only GET the apple, but SOMETIMES, an unexpected “date!!!” 2. Go trick or treating with a garbage can on wheels….TACKY!!! 3. Being 43, dressing up as a Hooker, … Continue reading

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

Last year I dated someone from a dating site and fell in love with him. The problem is, he is a mama’s boy. I love him Sooz, he is fun, caring, and even respectful with me sexually. I would like to continue the relationship, but I am afraid that with him being a mama’s boy, I am always gonna be playing second fiddle.

He says he loves me, and would like to move in with me, but I am afraid. What do you think I should do?

Mama Mia

Dear Mama Mia:

Let me ask you a question first, have you MET his mother. Many time your fears are unfounded and you may find his mother just an absolute delight. If THIS is the case, don’t sweat it, even if he IS a Mamas boy you can always TALK with mama and help square him away.

IF, on the other hand, you HAVEN’T met her, I strongly suggest you do. TEST the waters, if she is strong willed and just dotes on her little boy, You’ve got BIG problems. Run for the hills as quickly as possible, OR, plan on moving FAR AWAY from mama.

This type of overbearing personality NEVER bodes well for the daughter-in-law and will ultimately put a major strain on your marriage. Just be careful and make SURE you make the RIGHT decision to insure your continued romance. Good luck…

Ten Things you should Never Do While Shopping in a Grocery Store

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Some time you just have to be careful what you do while out in public. Here are a few NOT to do while in a grocery store…

1. Never ask someone to squeeze your melons when picking up cantaloupe….Sure you mean well by seeing if they are fresh but SOMETIMES people might get the wrong idea.

2. Bend over to pick up an item you dropped while wearing a Miniskirt with no panties. I have done this and it NEVER turns out well…

3. Yell out…”CLEAN UP IN ISLE 4″ and then Run like Hell…Employees tend to get pissed off…

4. Tell the cashier at the checkout the the man BEHIND you is paying for YOUR items…WAIT…WHAT???? Of course I have PERSONALLY never done this…..Looks the other way…………

5. Take stuff out of someone elses cart while they shop and add the items to YOUR cart…Oh come on!!! It is TOO funny!!!!

6. Shop while very drunk….You end up with ALL junk food items…Trust me….:hungover:…..

7. Shop while very hungry….Your bill is 3 times higher than usual….YIKES!!!:arghh:

8. Tell the cashier to “Put it on my tab”….This inevitably will bring the Mgr. over…

9. NEVER ask a male employee how much his meat is…..You won’t BELIEVE the crass responses you’ll get….

10. Try and get free food by unbuttoning your 3rd blouse button and flirting with the cashier….. Every once in a while…..???????,,,,,……??????!!!!!! ;)

Now….In all truth…I have only done a few of these….Guess which ones…;)
Until Later…

10 Unlikely World News Events

·      Putin has RELIGIOUS epiphany
·      Snakes DISCOVERED in Ireland
·      Pigs CAN Fly
·      Obama realizes ISIS doesn’t stand for Instant Success Is Superior
·      McCain FINALLY becomes PresidentOpra tapped for VP job
·      Kim Jong-il OFFICIALLY pronounced the missing link to Evolution
·      The Dollar Store BUYS Wal-Mart forA Dollar…
·      Tweety Bird is EATEN by Sylvester-Cousin Big Bird morns
·      Disney Buys RussiaTurns into a Major Theme Park
·      World Peace is voted through by all NationsKremlin wants a recount

Giggle Time–MURDER AT THE WAL-MART…


MURDER AT THE WAL-MART…


Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie.’

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plot, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband, who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared…

(You’re going to hate me for this .…)

‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!!’


Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you!