The Afterlife Ooooooooowww


I read a writing prompt from Writers Digest with this topic and I thought…Hey…What the Hell…

People are always wondering about the afterlife right, IS there one, do we come back as animals, or insects, is there really BEER in Heaven, all these things that we NEED to know.

Well, I still can’t answer any of these questions, although I sincerely HOPE that there IS beer; I know….I know… the song says… In Heaven There Ain’t No Beer, but I’m still hopin’.  Anyway, I thought I would give you MY rendition of EXACTLY what happens once we cross over into that big scary beyond.

Now, of course for all you devoted Atheists out there this may be a boring read as you believe that NOTHING happens, you die, Batta Bing…Batta Boom…Finis… Well, I’m asking you to use your imagination as I am here and just play along with me.

So…here’s what I think happens. You “buy the farm”, (Gotta do that first right), and then you walk through a long ass tunnel with a light at the end of it ‘cause that’s what’s supposed to happen. NOPE…No  St. Peter or pearly gates, you get there and you’re welcomed by a guide, some think it’s your wife, husband, or significant other, but I think you are greeted by a more nondescript guide like Homer Simpson.

He takes you around showing you all the wonders of Heaven like the Spa, the Pool Room, the 18 Hole Golf course, tennis courts, the massive banquet hall, and THEN…he takes you to the bar. Oh YES!!! There IS alcohol in Heaven…Now of course if you DON’T drink, you can have any number of assorted sodas or Virgin beverages. OK….I KNOW what you’re thinking…Hey, you’re dead, you’re a spirit now, you don’t eat or drink…BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While it’s true you don’t HAVE to eat or drink, if you enjoyed these pleasures in life, you can enjoy them in Heaven…So OWWWWW!!!!!

Next, he shows you to your quarters—WOW!!! A 15 bedroom suite, just in case you wanna have Angels over. I mean this place is opulent, crystal chandeliers, more bathrooms than you could EVER use, Gold appliances, and the finest crystal glasses and settings Angels could make…Did I mention servants…Oh yes, all the servants you have wait on you hand and foot. They are all the people who treated YOU mean in life. Ex. Your Mother-in-Law is the floor washer, your ex-wife or husband is the chauffeur, the people who never invited you over for New Year’s Eve, they’re your gardeners. This is THEIR HELL for eternity…SWEET!!!!!! Just shows ya that turn about is fair play…

I could go on and on here but it might get too long and boring after a while so I’ll leave you with this thought…”Now you know why people are just “DYING” to get here” …OK….I’ll stop now….

Until Later…