Mars and Venus for Dummies

The book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” is a funny book describing the differences on how men and women think. I’ve read this book SEVERAL times now trying to figure out what the HELL Men REALLY mean when they say things. To date, I have STILL not figured it out.

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Don’t misunderstand me guys, I’m NOT bashing you, I’m SURE that you are wondering the same thing about US. WHY don’t we think the same way? I think it must have been a HUGE COSMIC JOKE in the Universe when we were created. “Hey, I have a thought, let’s create Men to think ONE way, and Women another.” “That way, we can watch them BICKER until the Angels come home.”

I think the key here is to just listen to what they say and then do what EVER the Hell we feel like. That’s what THEY do. I know what you’re thinking here guys, you’re saying. “You DO that anyway.”

So…What can be DONE about all this? How can we all just get along? Over the years, it seems to me that when we are in a loving relationship, SOMEHOW, we all seem to just GET on the same page. Have you ever noticed that?

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Maybe it’s the chemicals in our bodies that are ALTERED for this brief time in history. Do you think that’s what makes Both of us ‘UNDERSTAND’ each other better?

Think about it for a minute, for the MOST part, we (Women) don’t like men’s sports. Yet, when we are in LOVE, all of a sudden, in order to be WITH the man we love, we become obsessed with the game. We learn everything we can so we can communicate about it on par with him.

Same thing happens for the guys. Who would EVER think a guy would go to the drug store to get us TAMPONS (Owwwwwww!!!!!!), or hold our dreaded purses when the need arises? I’m tellin’ ya, it’s the LOVE CONNECTION.

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AS I see it, there are only Two possibilities here on how to totally ‘GET’ each other.

* One…We turn Gay, this way we are both of the same gender and TOTALLY understand each other anyway.

* Two…Stay in love CONSTANTLY.

Both of these methods seem to fit the general dynamic. So…Which way will YOU go? Good luck. Hopefully, you pick the one that will give you a LIFETIME full of pleasure.

Until Later…

Astrology for Dummy’s

Astrology of course comes from the Greek word (Ast??st??) meaning “How the FUCK should I Know…I’m not GREEK.” To ME it sounds more like either the study of Asteroids, (ASTR and then OLOGY), OR, The study of the Jetson’s dog ASTRO. Personally, I like THIS one the best.

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                                     RHOM Rorrre

This is an ancient science that believes the stars can interact with our everyday lives. Thank God, because NOW, not ONLY are we NOT RESPONSIBLE when we do bad stuff to others, we can also NOT be held accountable. SWEEEET!!!!! “Hey…It WASN’T MY fault damnit, Mars was being BLOCKED by PLUTO. Oh yes, It WAS a planet back then, and it made me THROW this CREAM pie in his face.

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                   Pie Anyone?

Some of the more common uses of Astrology were predicting the future. This was based on how the stars aligned around our astrological signs. I’ll give you an example. Let’s say that your astrological sign is Pisces, we’ll use that one, because that’s MINE. Now…My sign ruler, or dominate HOUSE, is Neptune. The closer Neptune is to Pisces’s constellation, the more favorable the fortune. If the house is close, I could be in a good mood, or getting money, or possible even getting LAYED.

If however Neptune was distant from my constellation, WATCH OUT, I could be a ROYAL BITCH with a penchant for doing all KINDS of evil things. I remember once…Oh NEVER mind, the FBI and I straightened that little MISUNDERSTANG out a while back.

MY favorite fortune though is the LUVVVV part, OH YEAH!!!! The planets play a VERY important part in determining just WHO we should HOOK up WITH or who we SHOULDN’T become involved.

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My Love connections are Capricorn and Taurus. Oh Yeah baby…You get me next to them and I am SMOKIN’!!! Virgos, on the other hand, like oil and water. If a Virgo gets near me, usually it’s EYE scratching time baby.

Now ALL of our daily lives thankfully are Cosmically planned out. It really doesn’t matter what we feel or THINK, because it just ALL depends on the stars alignments. Personally…I like it BETTER that way, don’t have to waste MY precious time on THINKING.

Well, I have to run now, My SEXUAL urges are PEAKING!!! My friend John, (A Taurus), is coming over tonight and Venus is aligned with Mars. That’s great because we can make love ALL night long and I DON’T have to worry about getting PREGNANT!. Talk to you all later…

Until Later…