Astrology for Dummies

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I was going to write something a sweet and lovey in observance of Valentine’s Day coming up, BUT…I decided to write something Schlocky instead. I thought I would talk about Astrology. A lot of folks read their astrology’s every day. As for me, I read it when I can. I mean I personally don’t believe that the STARS can tell us when we need to get LAID and by WHO.

For those of you who MAY not know, my Birthday is on March 15th. 19…Bla Bla Bla…Being born on this date makes me a Pisces. My COMMON name is Fish. So, you may just call me fish if you like, (NOT that I’m COMMON).

The traits of my sign say that I’m:

  • Loveable
  • Sexy
  • Smart
  • Prosperous
  • Good Looking
  • Extremely well organized
  • I can F**K like a rabbit
  • I can leap tall buildings in a single bound
  • I’m faster than a speeding bullet (In Bed)

OK…You caught me…I lied…I am NOT faster than a speeding bullet, But, I do have the numbers of PI memorized up to the 12th. digit. See, told you I was quite the catch, (Get it??? Fish…Quite the catch??? Oh never mind).

My Zodiac element is water, (DUH…A FISH), my Sign ruler is Neptune, (No surprise THERE right), my Detriment is Mercury, (Whatever the HELL that means), my Exaltation is Venus, (WTF???), and my Fall is Mercury.

Just suffice it to say that I have NO F**KING idea what the HELL this means. No…Don’t bother explaining it to me ‘cause I won’t understand it anyway nor would I care. My horoscope for today is as follows:

MY Horoscope for Wednesday, January 30th

This is a time for making long-range plans, seeing the big picture, and thinking about what is really important to you in the long run. The trivial details and business of day-to-day living does not dominate your attention now. This is also an excellent time for business functions, negotiations, and communication.

 

Love:

 

 

60%

Emotions:

 

 

95%

Intuition:

 

 

54%

Creativity:

 

 

27%

Work:

 

 

23%

Money:

 

 

9%


Power Numbers: 34, 43, 27, 30, 2, 33

 

Now I suppose if I play these numbers I will also win the Lottery right? Well OK, let’s see here…My LOVE meter is in HIGH…My Emotions are on RED alert and my Intuition is good…Well, lookie here, it IS right…Maybe I was wrong. Sorry folks but I have to go; I have to play the lottery before the store by me closes. Talk to you all later.

 

Until Later…