If I Could Only Remember Where I Left My Pants

Image

 

If I Could Only Remember Where I Left My Pants

For those of you who read me, you know that on occasion, like Monday through Friday and SOMETIMES on the weekends (looks other way), I have a tendency to let’s just say get HAPPY…Sometimes I get SOOO happy, I forget what Happiness I had the night I was getting happy. Boy…THAT was a confusing sentence wasn’t it???

Anyway, since I’m going for the “cure”, I thought I would relate a sort of funny story that happened to me one night when I was in Vegas. This was ohhhh, about 3 years ago I think, I had had enough of the pressures of work and since I like to gamble, I decided I would go to Vegas.

I Love Vegas…Lights everywhere, wall to wall people, cheap food and all the free drinks you can swallow while playing in the Casinos. I usually stay at the Bellagio because I’m comped, so I packed my things, hopped on a plane and headed for Sin City…You KNOW why they call it Sin City don’t you…It’s because I’m there…Hehehe…

Well…I got there in the afternoon, checked it, and immediately went to the Black Jack table. I love Black Jack because it’s a game of percentages and I am ever so good with math…PLUS…I’m LUCKY!!! I sat down, put my chips on the table, ordered a Vodka Cranberry, and away I went.

I started this around 3PM and never left before Midnight. To say that I had had ONE too many would be an understatement, it was really about 8-10 too many. All I remember is riding some kind of Merry Go Round, (At least I THINK it was), and yelling out I’m WINNING…I’m WINNING…Things became a little fuzzy from there.

I remember meeting SOMEONE…Can’t remember whether they were male or female and I THINK I fell in the waters at the Bellagio ‘cause I remember (SORT of), saying Help me I’m drowning. Now remember, the actual water depth there is probably ONLY about 2 feet. I can’t really remember anything from that point on except waking up naked, in my bathroom, in the bathtub.

I got out of the bathtub, and on the mantle there was a note that read, “ Sooz…had a wonderful time last night, let’s do it again sometime.”, no name, no nothing. I went to the bedroom, looked for my clothes and NOTHING was there. No pants, no panties, no Bra…WTF??? Where were my clothes??? The only think I could THINK of was that this person wanted trophies…Yuck!!! Sicko!!!

The only other think I thought was funny, (BUT EMBARRASING), was when I went down to the Lobby to check out, the clerk said to me in a softened voice… “ Did you enjoy your SWIM”??? I turned BEET red and sheepishly check out to raise Hell another day…Yikes!!! Anybody wanna go to Vegas with me???

Until Later…

P.S. I have NO idea why this is so big…Yikes!!!

 

Diary Of A Yo-Yo

Image

Dear Diary:

I woke up today as I usually do in Harry’s toy box. No…Not PRINCE Harry, HE’S into the running around naked thing, NOT Yo-Yos. Anyway, as I was saying, there I am just sittin’ in the box waiting for Harry to pick me up when I notice that my STRING is all knotted.

There is nothing I hate worse than a twisted knotted string because THAT means that Harry is gonna diddle me until it’s all straightened out. God I hate being diddled. His hands are always like ice, what does he do, put them in the freezer before he get me…Gheese…

I hear the box open and I just KNOW that he is gonna pick ME because I’m his favorite toy. Oh sure, he plays with G.I. Joes, his wrestlers, and EVEN a Doll named Barbie, but hey…I don’t JUDGE, I’m a freakin’ Yo-Yo.

When he finally grabbed me, his hands were FREEZING.….Oh MAN those hands were cold….Burrrrrrr!!! OK now, I hope he doesn’t tickle me when he unknots me….Hehehehehe…Hey Harry, I TOLD you, “Don’t TICKLE ME.” Hehehehehehe…

Finally, he got the string unknotted and started to wind me up. The winding part is also very uncomfortable because it feels like a noose being wound around your neck. I was thankful that he didn’t wind me TOO tight because then he may have heard me gag. God…Wouldn’t THAT have been embarrassing?

Being a “Sleeper” Yo-Yo, I can do a LOT of tricks. I can of course go up and down, BUT, I can also “Sleep“, “Walk the Dog” and sometimes if he spins me FAST enough, I can EVEN do what they call “Around the World”. No People…This is NOT a Sexual term used by some. GUTTER MINDS!!!!

Image

He played with me for a good hour and it REALLY tired me out. I was actually very glad when he put me back in the box till another day.
Well, I’m pretty tired now so Ill say goodnight, I’ll write more about my adventures tomorrow…Nite Nite…

Image

Until Later…