As I stood naked looking into the mirror, I reflected on just what I was. Just what didI see? Did I merely see a naked woman admiring her body, NO, I saw a little girl CRYING out for her mothers love and affection. Was it not here where it really all began?
The more I looked, the more I saw the hatered for myself, the feelings of inadequity, and the burning within my flesh for whoever would satisfy my need.I have struggled with these feelings My entire life, wondering if it was how I was wired, or if by some remote chance my mother was the root of my Nymphomania.
You see, I AM a card carring Nymphomaniac. Driven by a sex drive that will NOT unleash the bonds of it’s demands. I NEED sex, like others need water. I CRAVE the release as those who would seek to obtain the interaction of love.
To what end this has effected my life you may ask, I shall only answer by saying that for those that believe I am “lucky” to have this type of sex drive, I say that I have been condemned to Hell.
While it is true that I crave sex, night and day, I will also say that it is extreemly difficult to have any kind of actual relationship based on this behavior. I am a freak, a freak of Nature who craves a desire SO powerful that it is difficult to determine where LUST starts and LOVE Begins.
A roller coaster ride is the ONLY way I could describe it. I have been with Hundreds of partners, yet, once satisfied, my emotional desire for that person drops. Have I ever BEEN in love, my answer would be to say yes, BUT, with the caveat of saying I couldn’t really tell you for sure.
I live my life of Hell on a day to day basis, ALWAYS searching for love, someone who will LOVE me for who I am. There in lies is the problem, no one really understands my wants, my NEEDS, or my desires. Couple that with someone who gets drunk every night and the plot thickens.
Let me just say this as honestly as I can, I WANT to LOVE, I REQUIRE it. I just never know who loves me for myself, OR, for the sexual pleasure they receive on a contunious basis because of my desire.
It appears that I am on my own here as therapy has simply NOT helped. I am who I am, and I guess that I must LIVE with this demon who drives my life in constant need of Sex.