Twas The Night Before Xmas Parody

I wrote this last year but I liked it so much I thought I would re post it. I hope you enjoy it.

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Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring except for a couple of rats in my walls and the bat which came down my chimney.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but NOT carefully enough because the long assed stockings caught fire and nearly burned down my mantle.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, at least THIS is what the parents thought. The crafty little bastards were already stealthily searching the house for their presents.

And mamma in her kerchief, and me in my hat, were drunk as a skunk and ready for a nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed and called the cops. “Hey…I’m trying to sleep here.”

Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and dropped all my Hash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow seemed to rise and to fall like freshly baked dough. Hey…They can’t ALL be funny…”Give me a freakin’ break will ya??????”

When what to my wondering eyes should appear a HUGE ass sleigh and eight big as elephants Reindeer. I quit drinking Scotch shortly after that.

With a little old driver so lively and quick, I saw Santa Clause; the booze had done its trick.

More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

“Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer, and Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.” Hearing this I shouted out “WTF!!!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, (???), when they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky. (SERIOUSLY????) So up to the housetop, the coursers they flew, (Why didn’t they just call them the f**king Reindeer?),with the sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. I hope that red suited old man doesn’t expect ME to clean up that Reindeer Poop on the roof.

As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He ruined my WHOLE freakin’ chimney too that fat bastard.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his feet, (Sale on at Macy’s), and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. Serves the A hole right for comin’ don my chimney.

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And I thought…GREAT…This guy stole from the Toys for Tots shelter.

His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry, his cheeks were like roses his nose like a cheery. No WONDER… His breath smelled like he had just come from a major WINE tasting Vineyard.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow. I think he colors it…

He had a broad face and a round little belly, that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly. OK…I’m being KIND here…The guy HAD to weigh in at over 500 lbs.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, (I never KNEW that Santa WAS an elf), and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, he scared the livin’ bejesus out of me, kinda like the exorcist. Oh wait…This doesn’t rhyme…Oh well…!?!

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the remaining BURNT stockings then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose, he picked out the booger and up the chimney he rose.

He staggered to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him explain, as he drove out of sight, “DON’T tell anyone and have a good night.”

Happy Christmas!!!

Until Later…

Alone

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Alone…

Silence moans the sound of peace as my mind drifts along empty plains.

Endlessly drifting, quietly floating among the realms of silence.

Oh contented spirit, fill me with thy presence.

Lift me to thy majesty, and let me soar among the eagles.

Condemn these evil thoughts to the lowest depths of Hades.

Grind them into mill seed, and let the winds of change blow them forever gone.

Fill me with thy wisdom,

And may your divine peace be placed upon my mind.

Amen…

The Blanket of Love

Hold me close.
Let me feel your loving arms close around my shoulders.
Whisper sweet nothings, and let me feel your breath.
Pull me in, touch my lips, move me.

Wrapped within a dream, I must not awake.
My head is spinning, my body, in kind, responds with sensual delight.
Love me on Forever’s path, as I am comforted within your arms…
Stay with me in Heavens glory, and forever, let me bask in thy embrace.

Lonely Is the Night

                                       The sound of silence

The sound of silence, cold, lonely, covered in a seplecure’s shadow.
Wind howling through a swinging gate sets Night’s mood, as darkness fills the sky.
Time for sinners, Shadowless figures that roam the night, content in suffering’s pain.
Play on, shadow of darkness, for it’s YOUR time to wallow in despair.

The hand of comfort knows no welcome here.
Dance to the music-less tunes, and let the sigh of despair engulf you.
Begone Light of reason, for only the insane are welcomed.
Death welcomes thee, be content in his abode.

Scribbles Challenge #109–Fallin’ Wings–

Scribbles is a challenge where you write something associated with the picture provided. I hope you like it.


Once a god, I owned the Heavens.
Once a KING, I RULED the world.
Woe to thee you fallin’ wings.
Gone is the hope, betraying MANY, and yet, I became a legend.
Woe to thee you fallin’ wings,
I have LOST eternity.

Sexy Tuesday Poetry-Summer Love

 


Speak to me, oh winds of Summers glory,
Let me mark this breath upon my bosom.
Feel my skin, as soft as velvet,
And let thy lips caress my gentle body.

Your smile speaks volumes upon my wanton heart,
While your eyes caress my very soul.
Make me NOT beg for thy loving touch,
Yet, devour me, as the bird does the seed.

My love is steadfast and true, my darling,
And my heart doth beat like a child, who awaits a Christmas morn.
Take me in your arms, love me like no other,
And forever, let me remain within your sweet embrace.
 

Desire

           Desire

 

 

Whisper to me on the winds.
Dance with me naked in a raging thunderstorm.
Feel my loins and make me weak with pleasure.
Part my thighs and let Lust’s desire overcome my senses.

Take me in your arms and explore me,
Make my body become your map.
Let me feel your manhood deep within me,
And make me one with your wanton body.

Be not afraid as I am one within you,
Caress me, Hold me, fill my spirit with your Love.

 

 

Sexy Tuesday–Once

           Sexy Tuesday–Once

 

Once, I had a dream. A dream so very real.
I heard the softness of your voice, and the whisper in your smile.
I felt the gentleness of your loving touch consume my very soul.
Your arms, grasping me in a loving embrace, send me into a fever’s pitch.

Silence like a rain-soaked night quiets my lusting spirit.
I search for the light in a dream filled stupor, aching so badly not to come to conscientiousness.
Let me LIVE the dream, I pray,
and forever be ensnared within your love.

The Evening Mist

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Once upon a summer’s eve a vision came to be,

A beauty in the evening mist did cast her spell on me.

Head held high and statuesque, her eyes as black as coal,

As though an angel cast from Heaven, she peered into my soul.

 

Her beauty was divinely pure, her grace in Ballerina’s style,

Lips that glowed upon her face, as she began to smile.

She glanced my way with batted eyes, and flipped her hair around,

The room was still as deafened night, the crowd made not a sound.

 

Slowly she sauntered across the room, giving me her grin.

As she walked, I knew forthwith, that I was reeled in.

She took my had so effortless, and placed it on her breast,

My body tingled from the rush; your imagination can fuel the rest.

 

I never saw her from that night, remembering our tryst,

The girl who shared my dreams that night, together in the Evening mist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wandering Thoughts

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Time flies like the wings of a Hummingbird, fast and yet still in one dimension,one mind.

Fleeting is the love that we make, acquired, yet always sifting like sand through an hourglass.

Why can we learn NOT from past transgressions, but turn our souls inward to the peace and tranquility of loves domain.

Why must we be sheltered by our inner thoughts and feelings, drawn to those we cannot posses, even though we would be bettered by their presence.

Alas, I speak to thee my crippled heart, let my bonds of meekness be purged from the fires of thy imprisoned Hell.

Let me speak thy tongue filled with love for thy requited soul.

Fortify my courage and emancipate my soul.

Let me waiver NOT within my committed thoughts, and may thy strength encourage me to speak thy needed truth.


Until Later…