Common Questions People Write Me

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Am I really a Woman?

I have just consulted my Vagina and it says YES!!! 

Am I really Irish, and do I have red hair?

Let’s just say I could DRINK you under the table, and YES, the carpet matches the drapes. What the F**K does that mean anyway? 

Are you REALLY a nymphomaniac, or is it an act?

Let’s just say my sex drive is like dominos, one down and the rest will fall.…

 

Is it TOUGH having such a strong sex drive?

Let’s just say the people I’ve worn OUT would say YES!!!

 

I see you online a lot, don’t you work?

Yes, I do. I open my computer to this site and just leave it on all day. In the meantime, I work my ASS off. Between home and at work I put in about 60 hrs. + a week.

 

When do you get the time, and inspiration to write?

Usually, I write after 9PM and will often write 2 articles at that time. I’ve been blessed as for the inspiration, the Spirit just writes THROUGH me.

 

Have you ever been in a long term relationship?

I had one for a week and a half once, my drinking always ruined it. I mean, who wants to date a drunk unless it’s just for sex? Don’t get me wrong, the sex is always good for me, but NOW am looking for a lasting relationship.

 

What made you finally want to get into rehabilitation?

A week before I went, I woke up in the Hospital. I had OD’d on alcohol, and they told me I was lucky, I almost died.

 

Are you happy with your life?

Hmmmmm, overall, yes. I love my job and the other ventures I am involved in, but, I have never had an honest relationship. That’s my NEXT goal. It’s hard because I work and travel a lot. I am also worried about my hyperactive sex drive, I feel if I can control the urges, I may have a shot.

 

Can you cook and how do you feel about kids?

Yes, I CAN cook and I love children, especially with eggs and toast. Seriously, at 44 I really don’t see that happening anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why is it When You Visit The Dead, It’s Called a WAKE

This is just one of those things that has always bothered me, I mean WHY do we call it a WAKE when their DEAD? Good question, right???

Well, lucky for you that ONCE again, Sooz has done countless research on the subject and has the answer you’ve ALL been asking. It all started YEARS and YEARS ago, like before there was even toothpaste or soap.

Once upon a time, OK, I just HAD to, people were celebrating at a wedding festivity. As it turned out, ONE of the guests had consumed a LOT of MEAD (Beer), and fell dead to the floor. Many of the guests said…”Ahhh SHIT, Now we have to take care of this DEAD guy and bust up the party. They carried her out, (This COULD have been ME), and laid her body upon a Pyre for all to pay their last respects.

After a couple of days, people were STILL parading around for the viewing, and LOW and BEHOLD, the supposed corpse woke UP, sat up, BURPED, (Cause THAT’s what drunken corpses did back then, and asked “What the HELL is going on?” People stepped back and shouted with amazement, “LOOK, she’s AWAKE.”

From THAT time on, anytime someone passed away, they would wait three days before the actual burial. That way, they could be sure that someone was REALLY dead and not just passed out in a drunken stupor.
Someone then coined the name A WAKE for anytime people would view a dead person before the funeral… “And NOW you know, the REST of the story”, as Paul Harvey would say.
Until Later…

Humorous survey

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I have to admit, I liked these questions so much I just had to steal the Survey from another blogger. The ANSWERS however are totally MINE…Enjoy!!!

1. I’m not easily bothered by things.  

* THINGS usually don’t bother me; it’s the PEOPLE I can’t stand. 

 

 

2. I make friends easily.

 

* Hey…When you’re as horny as me you tend to make “friends VERY fast.

 

 

 

3. I do just enough work to get by.

 

* I’m a mover and a shaker, I move furniture on the weekends and I SHAKE my ass whenever I can….Ohhh Come on…It’s a JOKE…LAUGH!!! 

 

 

4. I respect others.

 

* Just as long as I get paid…

 

 

 

5. I’m not very interested in abstract ideas.

 

* Abstract ideas are fine, abstract PEOPLE…Not so much. 

 

6. I dislike myself.

 

* Only when I’ve been drinking…Gheese!!!

 

7. I make plans and stick to them.

 

* Usually I remove the double sided tape so I DON’T stick to them…

 

8. I tend to vote for liberal political candidates.

 

I tend to vote for MYSELF!!! I am just Soooooooooo the BEST person to run…

 

9. I would describe my life’s experience as somewhat dull.

* Life’s experiences…VERY dull…Oh wait, you mean MY life experiences…Well I would have to say as best I remember…HELL NO!!!

 

 

10. I regularly insult others.

 

* Only when I open my MOUTH!!!

 

11. I have a vivid imagination.

 

* Mine is SO vivid, I see flying pigs sometimes and pink elephants. How’s THAT for imagination???

 

13. I am the life of the party.

 

* Yup!!! I’m always the one with the lampshade on my head or passed out naked somewhere…

 

14. I feel blue or depressed.

 

* Rarely Blue…Red, pink and fuchsia usually

 

15. I have a sharp tongue.

 

* Nah!!! I think it’s softer and more round…Definitely no Ginsu knife…

 

16. I don’t care much for art.

 

* Only if it’s of male or female nudes…You can KEEP that fruit in a bowl drivel…

 

17. I don’t talk a lot.

 

* Define a lot. Like someone who filibusters on the floor of Congress or like Marcel Marisol?

 

19. I accept people as they are.

 

* Absolutely!!! Just as long as they think the same way as ME!!!

 

20. I enjoy hearing new ideas.

 

* I enjoy HEARING new ideas, AND THEN…I use my OWN!!!

 

21. I avoid philosophical discussions.

* Like the PLAGUE!!! I mean their Philosophical…There IS no RIGHT answer…What’s the point???

 

 

27. I panic easily.

 

* Nope!!! I make OTHERS panic…

 

28. I get back at others.

 

* Let’s just say…Don’t CROSS me…

 

32. I believe others generally have good intentions.

 

* Yup…Unless they try and take me to bed…Oh come on…You SAW that one coming didn’t you???

 

34. I often have frequent mood swings

 

* Only during my period and Mondays through Sundays.

 

 

 

35. I like to keep in the background.

 

* Yup…Especially if I am doing something illegal… Just kidding…I have NEVER done anything illegal…Looks the other way…

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhhh the Irish

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Being Irish, I thought this was cute and figured it was something I might have said while in school…

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
‘I asked them, ‘ If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’
‘NO!’ the children answered.
‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, the answer was ‘NO!’
‘If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, they all answered ‘NO!’
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’
A little boy shouted out: ‘YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD.’
It’s a curious race, the Irish.
Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?
 
 

Why Is It That:

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Why is it that–there is MORE (???) than one way to skin a cat. AND…Who would WANT to skin a cat besides a Sociopathic serial killer???

Why is it that–The Queen of England has a billion dollars’ worth of jewelry, yet she keeps most of it stored away??? Come ON Your Majesty, let’s cash ‘em in and feed an entire third world nation for a year.

Why is it that–You get your PANTIES all in a twist but NOT your Jockey shorts???

Why is it that–Many men cam simply NOT learn how to lower a toilet seat??? Let me help you…Lift seat…Pee… Flush…Lower toilet seat…Repeat at each use.

Why is it that–RUSH HOUR traffic is really slower than a snail’s pace???

Why it is that–We BELIEVE we are handy even though we don’t even KNOW what an Allen wrench IS??? P.S. The Allen wrench was NOT named by some guy named Allen but from a manufacturing co. who bought out the rights to produce them…

Why it is that–Men only LISTEN to women when the topic of Sex, Sports, or Beer is mentioned in the conversation???

Why it is that–Excessive drinking makes us FEEL so good even though it is BAD for us??? Yes….Yes….I KNOW the reason, I was just testing you.

Why is it that–An apple a day keeps the Dr. away even though that apple could be ROTTEN to the core??? See the play on words here with the two different sayings??? Ohhhhhh…NEVER MIND…

Why is it that–Everybody and their BROTHER NEED to know why the chicken crossed the road??? OR…What came first the chicken or the egg??? Seriously, with world poverty, hunger, disease, and pestilence, who really gives a flying F**K???

Namaste…

 

10 Questions about cats

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I was reading various blogs the other day and I came about these 10 questions about cats. They of course had DIFFERENT answers but I liked MINE better. I hope you enjoy MY responses.

1. What religious festival is popular with cats everywhere?—None, ALL cats are Atheists. Obviously you don’t know much about their Religious Convictions.

2. What is the country popular with cats?—Katmandu of course.

3. What is the capital of their native country—Catness City

4. What is the name of the first Cat Dynasty?—The Meow Dynasty

5. What is the political leaning of many cats?—They don’t lean. They are well balanced animals. i.e. Agile as a cat.

6.  How most cats travel?—On Catamarans…

7.  What is it called when your person runs out of catnip?—DETOX

8.  A favored name for male kitten?—What do I LOOK like a cat naming LEXICOGRAPHER??? Oh OK…OK…SOUR PUSS…

9.  A favored name for a female kitten?—FiFi Le Meeeeeeeeeew.

10. What a feline domicile is called?—A window sill, the TV, a crate, your bed, The list just goes on and on ad infinitum…I have a good one here I just can’t USE it…Hehehehe…

Until Later…