Giggle Time–Rednecks

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, “They’re lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Look ’em over and pick the one you want.”

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man’s opinion.

“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly
notice…pigeon-toed. The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.
“Well,”the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell…cross-eyed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect. She’s the one I want to marry.”

So they were wed right away.
Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

“Well,” explained the Redneck… “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell… pregnant when you met her.”

Until Later…

Southern Confidence

 

 

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MISSISSIPPI DECLARES WAR ON U.S. GOVERNMENT


President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.”Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. “This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Bump’s Catfish Shack, in Vicksburg , and I am callin’ to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on y’all!”

“Well Jimmy Boy,” Barack replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”


“Right now,” said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation “there is myself, my cousin Tom, my next-door-neighbor and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD’s Bait Shop. That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store.


Barack paused. “I must tell you Jimmy Boy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”


“Wow,” said Jimmy Boy. “I’ll have to call ya back!”
Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”


“And what equipment would that be Jimmy Boy?” Barack asked.


“Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike’s farm tractor.”


President Obama sighed. “I must tell you Jimmy Boy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.”


“Lord above”, said Jimmy Boy, “I’ll be getting back to ya.”


Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war.”


“I’m sorry to hear that” said Barack. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

Well, sir,” said Jimmy Boy, “we’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there’s just no way we can feed that many prisoners.”

SOUTHERN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN


 

 

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Giggle Time–Redneck Medical Terms

 

I thought this was HYSTERICAL…..Enjoy….
Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.
Medical Term

 

Redneck Definition
Artery
The study of paintings
Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria
Barium
What doctors do when patients die
Benign
What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section
A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan
Searching for Kitty
Cauterize
Made eye contact with her
Colic
A sheep dog
Coma
A punctuation mark
Dilate
To live long
Enema
Not a friend
Fester
Quicker than someone else
Fibula
A small lie
Impotent
Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain
Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff
A Doctor’s cane
Morbid
A higher offer
Nitrates
Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node
Outpatient
A person who has fainted
Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative
A letter carrier
Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery
Rectum
Nearly killed him
Secretion
Hiding something
Seizure
Roman Emperor
Tablet
Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport
Tumor
One plus one more
Urine
Opposite of you’re out
 
Until Later…