Touch Me…Feel Me

I am WET, I am HOT, My body is in a raging fire that can only be quenched by the touch of my hand. It has only been two hours since the last time, and yet, I feel the NEED, the CRAVING deep within my loins, crying out for satisfaction.

I am in a state of heightened sexual tension and I NEED to pacify this urge, this addiction that only my touch can accomplish. I lock the door of my office, have all my calls held, and then lie on my couch WAITING for my NEED to be satisfied.

My dress is already raised, and my blouse loosened for the next step, my salvation is forthcoming. My hand takes the lotion that is near me, and applies its creamy texture to my breasts, and my nipples as I squeeze them gently, making them hard.

My loins, already soaked and dripping like drops of rain down my panties, YURNS for my softened hand. Slowly, I part my panties and dive into my sea of pleasure. Slowly at first, making sure that all areas of my pleasure box have been covered.

I am quietly starting to moan in pleasure now as my two fingers slip in and out of my scented garden. I am writhing in pleasure as my fingers find their way around my pea shaped pleasure button. Slowly at first, and then faster and faster until I can NO LONGER contain my pleasure.
Gasping and moaning, I raise my back and explode into ecstasy. Silently, I lay there until my pulsation has been quieted. I am satisfied until the next time. Welcome to MY world…

Until Later…

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I really don’t know how to start this letter. I have been following you, and you seem like you give people good advice. My situation borders on the crazy, I hope you can help me.

You see Sooz, I am a sexual mess. I am a 28 year old bisexual woman who loves to watch others having sex. I “need” to watch porn of others becoming aroused, women getting wet, and then watching as they writhe in passion.

Usually, I start masturbating as I watch because I become just soaked with lusting desire. My partners think I am crazy that I need to do this before I can become aroused. What do you think? Is this normal, and can you help me?

Soaked in Tampa

Dear Soaked:

First, let me just say that you are NOT crazy. Everybody has different sexual needs, wants, and desires. I myself have sexual ODDITIES if you will, that some may think crazy.

My question to you would be, are you able to have normal sex after following this routine? I mean will your partners play along with this and then have sex? If so, I see nothing wrong with you engaging in this activity.

Of courseLet me be clearIf you are engaging in ANY form of child pornography, you need help immediately as there IS a problem. Not only is it illegal, but it is something that would need to be addressed via a Psychiatrist, Trained Therapist, or Sex Therapist.

Otherwise, I would say that you, like the rest of the world’s population is screwed up, go and have yourself a good and healthy sex lifeGood Luck…

Can Nymphomaniacs Have Multiple Orgasms



Hi…My name is Sooz and I am a NymphomaniacYup, that’s right, I am a bona fide sex craving, never ending thinking of, and NEEDING sex as often as I can get it.

OK…I KNOW what you’re thinking, “SERIOUSLY?” It’s true, I CRAVE sex all the time. As soon as I wake up I NEED to have sex. Throughout the day I have to sneak away and cut out some time for masturbation, OTHERWISE, I would go out of my mind.

Now, just so you don’t get the wrong idea, I am NOT a hoe, I prefer the term sexually active woman who will screw anything with pants or a skirt. I also have no LIMITS to what I will do during sex. I LOVE all types. Like many folks, I can also be a little kinky, but that knowledge is only known to my closest friends.

I have been asked several times if I can have multiple orgasms, the answer is YES!!! ThereThe more the merrier. Usually during sex I can have up to 6-8 orgasms. Now, you would THINK this is great, rightBzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! If the truth be told, I would MUCH rather just be a normal Human being with average sexual feelings. OK guysI hear you out there saying “WHAT?”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup, sorry, but it really IS a burden needing sex all the time. So many men and womenSo LITTLE timeHehehehe…

I only write this because people keep asking me about this all the time. One day, through enough therapy, I hope I can be “fixed”At any rate, I thank you all for letting me open up and just spill my guts. I DO feel better now….Kisses to all…

Until Later…

The Difference Between Men and Women


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The Difference Between Men and Women


I just finished reading the book Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus. FINALLY… I understand why we are so different in our thinking. It’s obvious right? We’re from 2 different PLANETS!!! We’re not FROM Earth. Somehow, we were magically transported from our home planets of Mars and Venus and dumped HERE.

I mean if you think about it, the ONLY real Native things from Earth are probably the plants and animals. We’re just VISITORS. I KNOW what you’re thinking…”Sooz, I think you have lost your marbles.” To that I say, “Well, MAYBE, but if you THINK about it, look at all the differences”. Just look at some of the differences and tell me I’m wrong:


1.  Men are Muscular…They have 2 marbles in a sack with an attached trunk.

2. Men Pee and Poop

3. Men love to go camping in the wilderness, drink beer, eat beans from a can and sleep in a tent on the ground.

4. Men like to watch sports, drink beer, and swear like drunken sailors.

5. Men will screw ANYTHING that RESEMBLES a woman just for fun.


1. We are soft and curvy with mountains on the top and a FINE well groomed garden on the bottom.

2. We Tinkle and Sparkle

3. We like to sleep in 4 star hotels, drink fine wine, eat at Michelin stared restaurants and spend money.

4. We like to WATCH men watch sports, drink wine, and talk about how crude, rude, and disgusting they are.

5. OK…We like sex too but only on OUR terms. GO US!!!

There are MANY more things that I could go into here but You would get WAY to bored so I will leave it at these. If you would like to know MORE differences that help explain my theory, please let me know and I will send you a copy of my new book…How the HELL Does THAT Fit in HERE?

Until Later…






Whisper to me on the winds.
Dance with me naked in a raging thunderstorm.
Feel my loins and make me weak with pleasure.
Part my thighs and let Lust’s desire overcome my senses.

Take me in your arms and explore me,
Make my body become your map.
Let me feel your manhood deep within me,
And make me one with your wanton body.

Be not afraid as I am one within you,
Caress me, Hold me, fill my spirit with your Love.



Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:

I read your column and have fornd that you give pretty good advice when it comes to sex. I have two questions to you I hope you are willing and can give me an answer on.
Here are the problems:

1. How can I get my husband to pleasure me orally? He claims that he is uncomfortable with the possible odor and taste. Don’t misunderstand me, he is a great lover, I would just like to be orally pleasured sometimes too.

2. Secondly, my husband only seems to only be able to ejaculate when I pleasure him orally. He gets very excited but just can’t seem to close the deal unless I felatiate him.
What would you suggest I do to try and correct these things? I could really us your help.

Tongue Tied

Dear Tongue Tied:

As for problem number one, really sorry to hear that as orally pleasuring a woman is one of the best things a man can do to drive us crazy. Believe it or not, this is a very common problem with some men. What I would suggest is to make sure that you are well trimmed or shaved. It’s easier hen he can see where he is going and it USUALLY will excite him more.

Then, take a shower together washing each others genitals. Show him that you are extreemly clean and tell him this should eliminate any odor or taste issues. Have him sensually kiss your stomach and your the in and outer thighs. This should help get him in the mood. Nature should take its course from here.

Problem number two could be a little more dificult. Some men are afraid of getting you pregnant and will hold off ejaculation until orally stimulated. Others, have deeper emotional concerns which should be sorted out with a sex therapist.

Try this, talk to him about this when you are both in a relaxed state of mind. Tell him you love hime and want to feel him ejaculate inside of you to make you feel complete. Then orally excite him to the point of ejaculation and then have him finish within you. It may take some time but eventually this should solve the problems. If NOT, please see a liscenced sex therapist. Good luck.

Sue’s Internet Dating Service




How many people out there would like to be in a relationship, BUT, either are too busy to look, OR, just don’t have that get up and go attitude to search 1000 different places until you find someone you’re compatible with? Well, now you can…I’ve created Sue’s Internet Dating Service.


All you need to participate is a PULSE, and the energy to write me with a few of your vital statistics. Here is what I require to HOOK you up…


1.)    Your age within 10 years…NOBODY likes giving their REAL age so this should help matters. Of course, you must be at LEAST 18 years of age or older…OTHERWISE, I would be hooking you up with someone under the age of 8. If you ARE 8, then you must be gainfully employed, (I’m NOT talking about having a Lemonade stand either), be sexually active, and at least know HOW to drive a car.


2.)   Your sexual preference…Male or Female. If you are Bi, then let me know that too as it’s easier to get a date on the weekends that way…


3.)   Favorite foods and drinks…You MUST however like Chinese as I LOVE Chinese and so I am making it a staple food choice. Someone asked me if SPAM was a food choice and I say…Sure!!!


4.    How would you describe your sexual appetite?

          A.   Like a Horny Toad

          B.   Like a snail

          C.   Only on Saturday nights

          D.   When the mood HITS you

          E.    Somewhere between A and E depending how many drinks you’ve had.


5.)   Do you like children and if so how many would you like to spawn?


6.)   How tall are you? Just trying to match you up here with a sexual partner, we don’t want any giants matched to little people here now WOULD we?


OK…That does it…Just answer the above questions and I will have you HOOKED up before you know it. Oh, one last thing, this is a FREE service so there are NO refunds. Once you get a partner…You are STUCK with them…


Come on…Join me today and get started on YOUR whirlwind romance NOW!!!


*** The above was just a humorous piece and NOT really a dating service. If you were stupid enough to BELIEVE this, then you really DO need a partner to HELP you through life***

Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:


I have been reading you now for a long time and I finally decided to write. I have a problem. I am a 35 year old woman who has a loving husband and 2 beautiful kids, the problem is my husband never leaves me alone.


Let me clarify that, he never wants to keep his hands off me. He wants to make love 24/7, he is like a frickin’ rabbit on crack. He says that he is just a horny bastard and that I am such a good looking thing he just can’t resist himself.


Don’t get me wrong Sooz, I enjoy sex just as much as the next person, I’d just like to be able to breathe once in a while, ya know? I’ve tried talking to him about it but he seems to have a very short attention span, what can I do?


Sexed Out in Seattle



Dear Sexed Out:


This one is a tough one for me because in many ways, I am just like your husband. I DO however understand what you mean and have a couple of ideas for you.


First thing is this, get a very small Paring knife, while you husband is sleeping, take said knife and give a quick cut across the soft part of Mr. Happy. If you do it right, you should have made the PERFECT Lorraina Bobbitt cut. I’M KIDDING… Don’t REALLY do that.


If talking about it doesn’t help, try asking him to go to a Psychotherapist. Sometimes this hyper-sexual activity can be lessened through therapy. Talking it out honestly though is usually the best course of action. Sit him down when the kids aren’t around and tell him that you are just not INTERESTED as much as he is. Explain to him that you would like your own time and space once in a while even though you sincerely love him.


If he still doesn’t get it, send him to me…I’ll wear the HELL outta him. Hehehe….I wish you much luck my dear…

Giggle Time–The Sex Talk

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A Japanese couple are having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex:

Husband: Sukitaki
Wife replies: Kowanini
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!

I can’t believe you just sat and tried to read this — as if you understood  Japanese!
You’ll read anything as long as it is about sex. You need help!!




How to Tell if Your Dog is Involved in a Sex Scandal


It seems like in today’s day and age, there is just no getting around the latest SEX scandal. Ways to tell if you DOG is having a SEX scandal.

1.        The Hubris SMILE on his face.

2.        There is more of a spring in his step and his BARK is more confident

3.        You throw the ball and he basically looks at you and says, “ Go get it yourself asshole.”

4.        He SNEAKS around your back yard while YOU think he’s peeing.

5.        Instead of the ball, the ONLY thing he chases now are OTHER female dogs.

6.        His nap times seem be be longer AND he has a hint of cigarette smell.

7.        When he sleeps, he utters the sound Mmmmmmmmm instead of snoring…

8.        He walks around with a CONTINUOUS hard on…

9.        Your neighbor’s dog has been UNUSUALLY quiet lately.

1 0.     Your neighbor’s puppies look A LOT like your dog…