Silly Answering Machine Messages

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1.  If you leave your name at the beep I’ll see if I like you enough to call you back.

 2. I’m not in right now but if you leave a 100 dollar deposit to account number 2 *&^%$#(*&, I will be sure to thank you call you back.

3.  I can’t come to the phone right now as I’m in the bathtub. I’m all HOT and nice and WET, soaping up my sexy feminine wilds, and feeling myself SOOOO  SOOOO gently. I’ll be glad to call you back AFTER I’ve orgasmed. Talk to you later.

 4.  Hi there, I AM home but I’m currently too DRUNK to come to the phone and have an intelligent conversation. Leave your name at the beep and I will TRY and remember to see who called.

 5.  Hello, this is Sooz’s phone. If you are a sexy man or woman and want to have your way with me, dial 1 now, I’ll call you RIGHT back. If you are bill collector, dial 2 but DON’T hold your breath. If you are a relative, just leave me the amount you want and I will drop it off to you. If you are a phone solicitor, GO “F” yourself. There is NO NEED to leave a F**CKING number ‘cause I WON’T be calling your sorry ASS back. CLICK…

 6.   Hi, this is Sooz, I’m not home right now but if you leave your NAME, NUMBER, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, CREDIT CARD NUMBER WITH PIN, DATE OF BIRTH, and BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER with PIN, I will be sure to call you back…TRUST ME…

 7.  Sorry I’m not home right now but if you leave your name and number I will call you back. If this is Betty, hold on a minute, I really AM home but was screening my calls. For everyone ELSE, SERIOUSLY…I am NOT home…

 8.  This is Sooz, If you leave the proper reply to “The Eagle has left the nest”, I will call you back. If you don’t, I may STILL call you back but I will probably be speaking in TONGUES. (That’s clever talk for I’m drunk and can’t form words correctly let alone form rational sentences.

 

Until Later…