Sooz’s Letter To Santa

Dear Santa

First off, let me say that I have been a VERY good girl this year. OK, there was that ONE time that I got drunk and flashed my boobs at that traffic cop, but he was cute and he whistled at me. Well, OK, it was his Police whistle, but STILL, he looked RIGHT at me when he did it.

Luckily, I wasn’t in the driver’s seat; otherwise, instead of getting an indecent exposure ticket, I would have lost my license from a DUI charge. Anyway, as you already know, (Since you know EVERYTHING), I paid the fine and promised NOT to get drunk and flash again, *WINK*…

If you could see your way clear of this past incident, then I believe the rest of the year I have been as good as gold. So…I am asking for just a few measly presents if you would be so kind. I was GOING to ask for world peace, but THAT one I believe needs to come from a higher authority. So instead, I will ask for just a few Earthbound Presents.

I would really appreciate it if you could bring me a bra that supports my boobs WITHOUT cutting into my skin. Something from Victoria Secret would be great, BUT, could I have 3 pair, one in Red, Black, and Lace. If you wanna throw in some nice sexy panties that would be great too, even though I never wear them for very long because they keep getting’ taken off.

Oh, I could also use a nice Jet Ski. I realize that this would be heavy for you to carry in your sleigh, so, if you would rather leave me CASH under the tree that would be OK by me.

Just one more thing Santa, I really would like to know HOW you are able to CARRY all those presents in your sleigh. The weight would be tremendous, and the speed at which you would need to accomplish such a feat would certainly put so much stress on your sleigh that it would burst into flame based on physics principles.

Again, I just want to thank you in advance for bringing any or ALL of these items, and I will make sure I leave you some milk, cookies, and Pepto Bismol. I am so excited and can hardly wait for Xmas..

Yours truly,