What do Teachers do When They are not Teaching

82954629 / School

 

I have been through a LOT of school and the thing that I have always wondered about is what DO teachers do when they are NOT teaching? Are they regular people just like me, (Well, not like ME but you know what I mean), or do they turn into Super Hero’s after school?

I once pictured my Physics teacher, (Mr. Bath), as a crazy ass scientist who would go home, go into his laboratory, and design secret weapons for the CIA. What, it could have happened. Then there was my English teacher, (Mrs. Devonshire), I always pictured her as writing a bestselling novel at home. As it turned out, however, she was later arrested for selling crack cocaine and sent down the river for a dime.

My Math teacher, (Mr. Drew), conceivably was a renowned Mathematician who stayed in front of his blackboard all night thinking of ways to solve the problems of the Universe. Again, he was later discovered having a tryst with one of his students and is now joining Mrs. Devonshire in let’s say a less comfortable resort for the next several years.

Sure, some of them went astray, I’m sure most of them, however, are just regular people with families who pay taxes like everybody else in the Universe. It’s funny, isn’t it, how we look upon these teachers as gods, those who sit high upon Mt. Olympus and peer down at us poor students with disdain.

Today, of course, I realize that they were just like us, hardworking, underpaid, professionals who, after a long day of teaching, go home, drink like fishes, and raise as much Hell as they can without being sent to jail.

I applaud you all, and God Bless you for the thankless jobs you do.

Until Later…

 

My Drunk Diaries—More Than an Education

When I was sixteen, I developed a crush on one of my teachers. I was always a good student, and as such, they all liked me. Coming from a “troubled” home environment, I would often stay after school and talk with this one teacher about my home life.

 She was always so nice, I would babble away about this or that and she would sit there attentive, just listening, and hug me when I needed a hug. Now, I had ALWAYS had a very intense sex drive, and having a beautiful teacher that actually LISTENED to me made it go into overdrive.

Miss Jones, (Not real name), as I said was a beautiful young woman, oh say around twenty five, and had ALWAYS takin’ a liking to me. One day, after school, she invited me over to HER house so we could TALK without any interruptions.

I said SURE, I called my mother, no answer. Well, it was around 3:30 so I figured she was already passed out drunk, so I left her a message and away we went. Miss Jones was always such a happy go lucky person, she was quick with a smile that made sunshine pale in comparison, and was always there with a joke to lighten the mood.

She had such a beautiful apartment. Hardwood everywhere and a baby grand piano in the foyer that would have Beethoven’s mouth hanging to the ground. She looked at me as if I was the only one on the planet and she offered me a drink. What was I gonna SAY….NO?????

She brought out a bottle of wine, red if memory serves me well, and we sat and talked, and drank and drank. Without going into a long dragged out sex scene, she approached my lips and kissed me. By NOW, I was intensely inebriated, (As we drank two full bottles), and I just fell into her arms.

I was hers and she was mine. I didn’t care if the moon even rose that night, at MY young age, and in the state I was in, I loved her. She and I did things that I never had experienced before, and I enjoyed EVERY second of pleasure I could feel.

Afterwards, she offered me coffee while I stayed languishing in her bed. I was in Heaven. She explained that I should NEVER speak to anyone about what happened and that she would LOVE to keep seeing me. I spent MANY drunken nights with her and it was a time I shall never forget.

Two years later, she was convicted of endangering the welfare a minor and was imprisoned. I never saw or spoke with her again.

Until Later…

Ahhhh the Irish

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Being Irish, I thought this was cute and figured it was something I might have said while in school…

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
‘I asked them, ‘ If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’
‘NO!’ the children answered.
‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, the answer was ‘NO!’
‘If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, they all answered ‘NO!’
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’
A little boy shouted out: ‘YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD.’
It’s a curious race, the Irish.
Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?
 
 

Nun Sensual -I Mean Sensical

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In one of my former comments in my Truth or Dare post, I spilled that growing up I always wanted to become a Nun. After all, I Am Irish Catholic. I mean being Irish Catholic there are only two professions that the priests wanted you to go into:

  • Teaching-Not really my thing, I would rather eat GLASS than teach.
  • Nundom

Of the TWO, I chose Nundom. As a child, I always thought that Nuns were like gods. They wore all those cool ropes and stuff and wielded RULERS like Light Sabers. No one EVER talked back to them because we were all afraid that GOD would intervene and with His mighty Lightning Bolt and send us all to Hell.

As I grew older and wiser, like around the teenage years, I discovered two important reasons for NOT wanting become a Nun:

  • They didn’t DRINK (Well at least that I could see).
  • They didn’t have SEX!!!!! SERIOUSLY????????

Since I had done BOTH of these things at a very early age, I decided that Nundom was NOT the thing for me. Don’t get me wrong, I STILL respect them, Hell I STILL would NEVER CROSS them ’cause who knows…Those Lightning Bolts might STILL be in play.

Instead…I became what I am today, a Workaholic, Nymphomaniac, DRUNK…Don’t judge me here folks as I am VERY competent at ALL of my professions. I consider ALL of the above to be my professions as they are ALL a part of who I am, and all of them take up quite a bit of my time. Oh well…It IS what it is…

It really IS too bad in a way about the lack of sex and drinking as a Nun though, I really use to DIG those cool rulers…

Until Later…