Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:

I have an age old problem I would like to discuss with you. Every time I go into the bathroom to pee, the toilet seat is ALWAYS left up. The problem is, the toilet has pee on it which I have to clean BEFORE I sit. I have tried and tried talking to him about this; he just says he keeps FORGETTING to put the seat back down. What should I do to break him of this annoying habit?

Soiled Sue


Dear Soiled:

This has been a bee in our bonnets ever since the toilet was invented. I mean WHAT’S so freakin’ hard about putting a little piece of porcelain down again once lifted? Not only that, but the fact that he doesn’t even AIM Mr. Happy so that it actually goes IN the water is another subject…Don’t get me started.

Here is what I suggest. First buy him some Gingko Biloba. This is a good MEMORY enhancer and may help with his “FAILING” memory. Next, I would suggest hanging a VERY SEXY picture of yourself in a flimsy neglige above the toilet. Underneath place a note that says:

“If you WANT some of this later, Put the FARGIN’ seat DOWN.”

Hopefully, this will help with your problem. Good luck.


Dear Sooz:

My neighbor’s dog keeps taking his dumps in MY yard. I have politely informed my neighbor of this but it hasn’t done any good. What should I do?

Down in the DUMPS

Dear Dumps:

This actually happened to me about a year ago. Being in the season of Christmas and all, why don’t you try this? Go out in your yard, pick up all of the dogs mess, and place it a box. Wrap the box with some very nice wrapping paper and bow, and then send it to your neighbor. Include a very nice Holiday card thanking him for all the things his dog has done for you. This should send the correct message and hopefully this won’t happen again. Hey…It WORKED for ME. Good Luck…

Until Later…