Funny Things to Say on a Valentine’s Card

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May all of your wishes…I mean…May the winds of… No that isn’t it… May your life be filled…DAMN… Oh HELL…Happy Valentine’s Day.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Daisies are white, and my Valentine’s Day card is red too…Huh!!! Go figure…

May all of your hopes and all of your dreams be better realized, on your MISTRESS you Jerk!!! Happy Valentine’s Day…

This Valentine’s Day I’m buying something you’ve ALWAYS wanted…Batteries for your Dildo…Enjoy!!!

It’s not the GIFT that counts, it’s the THOUGHT. So…I have NO gift BUT…I have GREAT thoughts for later tonight…**SMILE** Happy Valentine’s Day…

Valentine’s Day is like eating a bowl of cherries, the FIRST one is great,but after a while, they all go sour…

Valentine’s Day is my FAVORITE Holiday, right after Christmas, the fourth of July, Easter, Dingus Day, New Years, St. Patrick’s Day, The Ides of March, April Fool’s Day, May Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Arbor Day, Tuesday, and my dog’s birthday. Happy Valentine’s Day…

Valentine’s Day is the day of Love…That’s why I’m LEAVING you cold hearted BITCH!!! Happy Valentine’s Day.

For Valentine’s Day I wanted to give you my Heart…Then, I realized I NEEDED it so I sole a Cadavers for you…Happy Valentine’s Day…

This Valentine’s Day I want you to have the BEST sex ever…Too bad that you’re in Prison and will be getting it from Bubba…Happy Valentine’s Day…

 

 

 

 

 

10 Funny Valentine’s Day Cards

 

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1.  Be my Valentine…Hey, what ELSE ya GOT?

2.  Just wanted to say I Love YOU on Valentine’s Day…The OTHER 364 days I’m busy loving OTHER people.

3.  Would you be my Valentine? Everyone ELSE refused.

4.  Thanks for being my Valentine…Okay, here’s the 250.00 bucks, now, let’s get naked.

5.  I was GOING to get you candy and flowers for Valentine’s Day but the DOG ate them. It’s the THOUGHT that counts RIGHT? Now… get NAKED.

6.  Valentine’s Day is like my Period Fred, Red and usually MADE UP.

7.  On Valentine’s Day, a poem:  Rose are red, Violets are blue, Okay we’ve covered the flowers and the color wheel…NOW can we have sex???

8.  You are sweet like candy and pretty as a rose…How am I doing SO far? Any chance for SEX???

9.  In order to go to bed with me on Valentine’s Day you need 3 things: Flowers, Candy, and 250.00 bucks.

10. When you said “Be mine” did you mean EXCLUSIVELY or just for tonight?

Until Later…

Happy Valentine’s Day