Why is Valentine’s Day All About Women and NOT About Both Parties?


I have heard many men ask this question, and here’s the answer…Because it IS…THAT’S why, there!! Let’s face it, they’re some pretty romantic guys out there, but the true ROMANCE part of them is seen few and far between.

Valentine’s Day is that special time of year that CELEBRATES that romance for us women. We look forward to it, we crave the attention, and of course the flowers, going out to dinner, and candy don’t hurt any either.

Many times, it is a special day where we get asked for our beloveds to marry us. It’s just one of those special days for us where we feel loved and have the attention all to ourselves. Yes, I know there are many who feel that it is just a rip off by the venders, and while that may be true, we STILL appreciate your undivided attention.

I’ve been asked, what would I like as a token of romance on Valentine’s Day? For ME, it’s all about the thoughtfulness. Write me a verse, make dinner for me, bake me something special that will tickle my taste buds, these are what floats MY boat in the romance department. Oh yeah, one more thing, if you DO decide to cook me dinner, please clean UP the mess also. Let me languish in the luxury of romance.

Believe me guys, if you do these little things, no matter WHAT your opinion of the Holiday is, you will be thanked tenfold in the boudoir. Romance Rules…




Valentine’s Day Thoughts


Here we are once again with Valentine’s Day knocking on our doorsteps. I’m sure there are many of you who believe Valentine’s Day is just a huge money maker for the candy stores, flower shops, and of course Victoria Secret.

In truth, it is, but in THIS Redhead’s opinion, it is certainly worth it. I will admit though, being a writer, I have always been fond of the written word, done in longhand by my paramour at the time.

Certainly there is NOTHING wrong with flowers, or candy, or even going out to dinner, I just believe that for ME, it means more on a romantic level when the gift comes from the heart, and NOT the store.

Once I had a woman write me the most romantic poem ever, I read it, and it just melted me like ice. Another time I had a guy sprinkle rose petals all over my house and bed, he had soft, slow music playing on my stereo when I got home, and he had made a wonderful Chicken Parmesan dinner including dessert.

I must say, I was so overcome, well, let’s just say that while he made ME dessert, the favor was returned 10 fold. This year, unfortunately, I will be by myself. No one to make a fuss over me, and or whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

I did buy a little something for my neighbor though,  something sexy from Victoria Secret, I enclosed a card and asked if he would like to be my Valentine. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see on that one.

For all of you who have significant others, I wish you the happiest of days, and hopefully even HAPPIER nights. Happy Valentine’s Day Folks…

Until Later..


Valentine’s Day for Singles


If you’re a single gal or guy like me, you’re probably not looking forward to Valentine’s Day. Let’s be honest, it’s usually just another day where you see everyone who DOES have a significant other fawning over each other.

Luckily Sooz is here to save the day. The first thing we have to do is to put Valentine’s Day into a different perspective. For example, when you wake up on this (not to be mentioned day), you just start the day off with the appropriate mantra; “I HATE VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!!!!!!!” Say it four or five times out loud getting increasingly louder and more pissed off as you say it. AFTER the COPS leave, believe me, you will have already helped defuse the animosity in your soul.

The next thing you do…Call up your other single friends and invite them over for a party. Tell them to come in their PJ’S and plan on staying the night. OK…If you’re a single GUY, you’re probably not gonna do the PJ thingy so instead, tell them to bring over their favorite blow up dolls,  you know, just in case they get LUCKY!!!!!!

Loud music and free flowing alcohol is the answer here folks. The louder the music the better; this, along with the alcohol, will not only help liven your spirits, you may get to know your neighbors a WHOLE lot better. Just make sure if they DO come over and want you to turn it down, invite them in and treat them well. You may NEED them again NEXT Valentine’s Day.

Last but not least, after everyone has had a few, sit together in a central location, like girl scout camp, and have everyone tell their BEST/WORST Valentine’s Day story. It’s surprising what you will hear, some are hilarious, some are sad, but hey…Misery loves company right? Trust me on this one, this beats the HELL outta staying alone at home and cursing at the world…USUALLY!!!!! Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!!!

Until Later…



Funny Things to Say on a Valentine’s Card


May all of your wishes…I mean…May the winds of… No that isn’t it… May your life be filled…DAMN… Oh HELL…Happy Valentine’s Day.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Daisies are white, and my Valentine’s Day card is red too…Huh!!! Go figure…

May all of your hopes and all of your dreams be better realized, on your MISTRESS you Jerk!!! Happy Valentine’s Day…

This Valentine’s Day I’m buying something you’ve ALWAYS wanted…Batteries for your Dildo…Enjoy!!!

It’s not the GIFT that counts, it’s the THOUGHT. So…I have NO gift BUT…I have GREAT thoughts for later tonight…**SMILE** Happy Valentine’s Day…

Valentine’s Day is like eating a bowl of cherries, the FIRST one is great,but after a while, they all go sour…

Valentine’s Day is my FAVORITE Holiday, right after Christmas, the fourth of July, Easter, Dingus Day, New Years, St. Patrick’s Day, The Ides of March, April Fool’s Day, May Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Arbor Day, Tuesday, and my dog’s birthday. Happy Valentine’s Day…

Valentine’s Day is the day of Love…That’s why I’m LEAVING you cold hearted BITCH!!! Happy Valentine’s Day.

For Valentine’s Day I wanted to give you my Heart…Then, I realized I NEEDED it so I sole a Cadavers for you…Happy Valentine’s Day…

This Valentine’s Day I want you to have the BEST sex ever…Too bad that you’re in Prison and will be getting it from Bubba…Happy Valentine’s Day…






Valentine’s Day Shmalantine’s Day


YES!!! I know I’m already writing about Valentine’s Day and it’s ONLY the 29th. of January. I figured I would get a jump on it like Target and all the other stores. I mean what GOOD is it if you can’t buy your candy and roses two weeks ahead of time and then give them to your sweetie on Valentine’s Day?


Sure, the roses will be all withered and about dead, and the candy will be stale BUT…You will HAVE something for your significant other. Isn’t THAT really the point to this whole Holiday?


Let’s be honest here, Men will wait until the day before or the day OF and then go out and get something for us that is supposed to be heartfelt and all gooey romantic…BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! One year when I was in a short term relationship and all I got was some bath salts from the freakin’ drugstore…SERIOUSLY???


I know what some of you are thinking…”Well Sooz, it’s the THOUGHT, not the actual gift that counts.” To THAT I say GOBBLESPLAT… ( Made up word, it just sounded funny). Usually, be honest here guys, you are JUST doing it so you can get a little action that night.


Look, I’m not saying that our guys don’t CARE for us, all I’m saying is that they don’t even THINK of us until the TV starts flooding the screen with ads about it; THEN, they HAVE to go out and get something to keep them in the running for Nookie that night.


How about this guys…Make us dinner with candlelight, do the dishes for us, tell us we are the most important thing in your world, THIS is what we’re looking for, the ROMANTIC gesture. Sure, roses and candy are nice, BUT, it doesn’t really show your romantic side.


This year how about all of you step up, make us FEEL like we are special; take a nice bath with us, TALK to us, let us know that you truly love us, if you do this, we will feel good about ourselves and the Nookie will be a shoe in…


Ohhh….For those of you like ME that may not have a significant other, do what I do, PAMPER yourself, get good and drunk, and fall asleep in the bathtub…


Until Later…


Just Ask Sooz


Seeing how next week is Valentine’s Day, I thought I would focus on a special letter I received about Valentine’s Day Relationships.


Dear Sooz:

Valentine’s Day is almost here. Like every Valentine’s Day, I sit at home, watch TV and then go to bed. I have been trying for years to get myself a sweetheart who cares about me, but to date, nothing. I am not an ugly girl, nor do I have a shy personality.

Don’t get me wrong, I go out on dates but have just never connected with a fella in that way. I so desperately want to have a relationship and have someone who truly cares for me. I want and need someone who I can call My Valentine. What can I do?

Valentine-less Violet


Dear Valentine-less:

I hear ya honey. I have my share of men but ALSO have no one I can call My Valentine. I just call them my Love Shack-ups. Still, I too would like to have that special someone who I can call My Valentine. Someone who whispers they love me; tell me that they worship the ground I walk on, rub my feet at night and hold me close. God, now I’M depressed.

As I see it, we BOTH just need to get out there more and try and formulate a lasting relationship. In MY case, I can do that by being more of a HOE. For YOU, I would recommend having a girlfriend set you up with someone she KNOWS is a warm and caring guy who is ALSO looking.

In the meantime, why not try and spread a little Valentine’s Day Love to others. No…I’m NOT saying go out and stand on the street corner and yell out to strangers as they go by, “Hey there sailor, wanna take a ride?” I mean visit a nursing home and spread some love around to those who are lonely and have NO ONE, or perhaps offer to work at a soup kitchen and help feed the homeless.

I may just take some of my OWN advice and do just that. I wish you much success and I pray that next year you have someone you can call “My Valentine.”

Until Later…





Thoughts for Valentine’s Day


It’s coming up on Valentine’s Day and I have a few thoughts. For those of you who may NOT know the story of Valentine’s Day, it all started back during the Roman Empire.

There are several different versions but let me give you the Romantic one. According to Wiki, (And who DOESN’T believe Wikipedia), Valentinus, a Catholic priest, was imprisoned for marrying soldiers of the Roman Empire. Supposedly, Rome believed that by getting married, the soldiers wouldn’t want to fight as hard for the Empire. All they would want to do is BOINK their wives and eat well… Whatever they ate back then, Curds and Whey I think.

Anyway, as the story goes, Valentinus said to HELL with Rome and secretly married the soldiers anyway. He was caught, arrested, and thrown into some deep dark dungeon somewhere to rot.

Okay, where was I now? Oh yeah…So, there he is sittin’ and rottin’ when the daughter of his jailer, a woman named Asterius, ( I KNOW…RIGHT???), what ever happened to like Delilah  or SUE??? Anyway, she got the HOTS for Valentinus and he for her. I know, he was a priest and all, but dungeons and rottin’ CHANGE a man.

As it turns out, before his execution, he wrote a letter to his beloved and signed it…From your Vanentinus. Ever since, we write “From your Valentine” on our cards because well…Valentinus just doesn’t SOUND as nice now DOES it??? Wasn’t that a romantic story? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………..

So what are YOU doing for Valentine’s Day? Are you going to make a special dinner for YOUR beloved? Will you cover your table with Rose pedals and have long stemmed candles? Just so you guys KNOW, this is what I want. Just in case anyone out there might be thinking of me.

I always thought it would be romantic to make a gift box with coupons with special things in it. For example: A romantic bath for two, or one free week of washing the dishes. Of course a trip to Aruba or Cancun would also be nice, just some thoughts here guys…

What EVER you do for that special Valentine of yours, I hope it will be a ROMANTIC DAY for BOTH of you. **Winks** I’ll be thinking of everyone. Muah!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone…

Until Later…