Silly Warning Labels

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Digital Thermometer—Warning:  Do NOT operate heavy Machinery while using rectally. Thermometer may cause soreness of the anus if inserted improperly. Thermometer will NOT work without batteries. Change batteries if NO reading is given.

WII Game System—Warning:  Game will NOT operate if TV is NOT on. Do NOT play while drinking Heavily, Fighting may ensue and cause severe injury. Do NOT operate game while soaking your feet in water as this may cause possible injury or SEVERE DEATH.

Viagra–Warning:  Take ONLY as directed. Only ONE tablet at a time…DID you HEAR me? I said only ONE tablet at a time Bubba. If erection should last for more than 4 hours, CALL MORE HOOKERS, this should alleviate the BONER.

Aspirin—Warning:  Do NOT take if you have bleeding ulcers, severe abdominal pain, (Probably caused by those damn annoying severe bleeding ulcers), muscle spasms, hoof and mouth disease or severe rectal or mouth bleeding. You are SICK JACK-OFF…SEE a Dr.

Alcohol—Warning:  May cause severe drunkenness and contribute to lack of inhibitions, coordination, and good old common sense. May cause giddiness, the urge to dance on tables, form Conga Lines, the need to remove articles of clothing, sexual arousal, and PREGNANCY. Use sparingly…YEAH RIGHT…

Dog Crates—Warning:  Use ONLY as a sleeping space for your dog. Do NOT allow your children, your grandchildren, the neighbor’s kid, or any other child to play in this crate. People have been known to be visited by child protective services, the Police, or other Federal agencies if someone notices this is happening. Jail time is imminate. Just sayin’…

Until Later…

 

 

 

 

Does You Age Affect Your Sex Life

 Does Your Age Affect Your Sex Life

Over and over I have heard people tell me that as they got older, their Sex lives changed. Now, I’m sure for THEM this was true, but HONESTLY, in today’s world of Medical Science, there is NO reason to think your Sex life will go the way of the dinosaur.

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                               KISS ME MY FOOL!!
Oh SURE, as we age, we lose some of our hormones like Testosterone and Estrogen, BUT, we still can be “Lean Mean Fucking Machines.” The KEY here people is Spontaneity and Repetition. Studies have shown that the more you “DO IT” The More you CONTINUE doing it!!!

It’s TRUE, to keep that Sexual tension alive, you have to continue dancing the “Horizontal Mambo”, “Knocking Boots” or Having your partner “Play the Preverbal Skin Flute” on a Regular basis. So, why does this CHANGE as we age? It’s because we either get too busy with Other things, we stop loving our partners as we used to, OR, we are just TOO FUCKING TIRED to engage in ANY kind of Sexual activity.

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               I”M THINKING ABOUT SEX REALLY!!!

 

Yup, usually the TIRED part comes when we have a child or 12. There is NO doubt about it, Children contribute to the MAJORITY of Sexual Dysfunction in the World today. Now, does that mean we shouldn’t HAVE any children, YES, (Just kidding), No, we should just be MORE attentive towards our Spouses.

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 OK, I KNOW what you’re thinking, “ Sooz…What are you, a Freakin’ Sexual Psychiatrist?” The answer here is NO. I am just a Freakin’ NYMPHO who has done RESEARCH into this BUBBA so PAY ATTENTION!!!

All I’m saying here folks is this, Love one another as when you were first met. Wine her/him, dine them, and pay ATTENTION to them. It’s Usually the FIRST thing in a partnership that breaks down. EVERYBODY wants attention people…Give It To Them!!!

By Spending time with your significant other, Showing them that you LOVE them, and making PASSIONATE love with them on a regular basis, there is NO reason Why anyone should feel a lack of Sexual response. If there IS, There is ALWAYS Viagra and Estrogen supplements people.

Until Later…