MURDER AT THE WAL-MART…
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie.’
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plot, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband, who was also quickly arrested.The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared…
(You’re going to hate me for this .…)
‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!!’
Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you!
I asked my Aunts son what he wanted for Christmas and he advised me that he would LOVE a pair of Designer Sneakers. He said he had always dreamed of owning a pair of Alexander McQueen Navy Blue Scalloped Leather Toed beauties. Now bear in mind that I have NEVER purchased men’s sneakers.
I had NO idea of the cost for these pieces of GOLD. I mean when my Aunts kids were growing up, they would just drive around to an area where they would see sneakers thrown over a power line and just search for the SIZE.
I SHOULD have known when my Aunt said WOW…That’s really generous and smiled as wide as the Cheshire Cat, I was in for a surprise. Not wanting to disappoint, I started my online search. When my eyes caught the price, I think I lost 4 lbs.…In my PURSE. Are you KIDDING me??? The price tag on these sneakers from HELL was $405.00.
AFTER my heart re-started, I decided to search around for a better price. Seriously??? Sneakers at Wal-Mart are only about $30.00…What’s the price difference? Do these sneakers last for LIFE? Are they GUARANTEED for teenage boys to SCORE with women? Do they make you run FASTER than a speeding bullet?
Nooooooooooooooooope!!!!!!!! It’s because they are made by specialized cobblers from Santa’s workshop. Seriously??? Can you think of a better reason other than pure and simple GREED? Bottom line…I got them for $387.00. I felt much better now. I got a great deal. For buying the sneakers, I also got a Mercedes Benz as a free gift. Just kidding but I thought I should have after taking THAT fleecing.
If the truth be told, I DO pay that kinda money or more for MY shoes but hey, they go on MY feet, not some teenage boy who will wear them out in a year. Well, at least he will get a present he won’t forget…Until NEXT year.