What’s It Like to be a Recovering Alcoholic

Many times people who know me, come up and ask me what’s it like to be a recovering alcoholic. The simple answer isIT SUCKS!!! There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about the “Glory days” of being drunk.
Yes, I still remember the days of partying and giving folks a boob shot after a few drinks, but, then again, I never DID like waking up in some strange bed the next morning, laying next to someone who I had just met the night before.
OK, let me clarify that, it was the part about not REMEMBERING who or what I did the night before that was scary. Did he use a condom, what did I say, what did I do, did anyone from my office to see me that way, it was a mess.
Did I enjoy the drinking, Ohhhhhh Yeahhhh!!!! I was on top of the world, nothing could hurt or phase me. I would SAY what I wanted, and DO what I wanted, whenever I wanted.The thing is, the next day, I was ALWAYS being told some of the crazy ass things I would say or do that wellI SHOULDN’T have done or said.
I would start the day off with a couple of drinks, just to clear my head, go to work, have a few more drinks for lunch, and then meet with clients for MORE drinks later that night. I was what you would call a high functioning alcoholic.
The thing IS, I NEEDED that alcohol to just GET me through the dayEVERY DAY. My blackouts would become more and more frequent, and my behavior was slowly becoming more OUTRAGEOUS. When I wrote about being the Wedding SLUT, that was TRUE, I WAS the SLUT. After a few drinks, I would dance around like a fool, and have drunken sex with just about ANYONE who wanted it, male OR female. I ALWAYS was the hit of the wedding, ORSo I THOUGHT.
There just came to a point in my life that I decided I NEEDED to put away the party girl image and GROW upFinally, after 43 years I DID it. Do I miss that part of my life, SOMETIMES, but I realized that within a few more years, had I continued along that path, I would become a homeless, hopeless, and friendless drunk.
I am glad that I did what I did, and would recommend to ANYONE who is on MY former path, to also do yourself a favor, get clean. You may not be high on alcohol anymore, BUT, you will re-discover the benefits of a clear and sober head. God Bless…

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

My wife and I have been happily married for 8 years now. A week ago we went to my sister’s wedding and my wife got terribly drunk. She did some things that were very embarrassing. My wife actually started a Conga line and while dancing, started flashing her boobs all over the reception.

She also danced with my best friend and was way too friendly, (If you get my gist). This behavior made me wonder if my wife is cheating on me with my best friend. The next day, I confronted her about it and she said she was sorry and that I had nothing to worry about, she was just drunk. What do you think and what should I do next if anything?

Worried Willy

 

Dear Worried:

Ohhhhh boy…My first impression is that it was the drunkenness that brought about this behavior. Believe me, I KNOW this behavior WELL. I AM this behavior. The difference being, I’m not married.

 I really wouldn’t worry about her; anyone can be a wedding slut after too many drinks. I KNOW because I have played this role MANY times. Hell, I once actually fell INTO the wedding cake.

Now that in itself was embarrassing ENOUGH…The thing is, I was dressed in my BRA and PANTIES at the time. Someone bet me I wouldn’t strip to my undies and being drunk, I WON the bet. Thing is, I don’t even REMEMBER how the cake TASTED. Some  dreams are better than others.

Again after eight years, you would KNOW if something was going on with your spouse and your friend. There would be obvious signs like smelling his cologne on her, or her working late more than usual. Her paying more attention to him than usual when you guys are together is a RED flag.

Cut her some slack THIS time and watch her drinking habits, she seems a lot like ME. Plus, I know from experience; when you have great BOOBS, you NEED an excuse to show them off and a Wedding reception is a GREAT time and place to exhibit this behavior.

I feel she truly loves you and believe me, SHE feels worse about this than YOU do. Hope this helps you.

The Wedding Slut

You’ve all been there and you’ve all seen me, (I mean HER), she comes up out of nowhere and does EVERYTHING she can to steal your significant other. Man, Woman, it really doesn’t matter to the wedding Slut, all’s fair in love and when you’re at a wedding.

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                        Come ON boys…OR Pole…DANCE with me!!!

A Wedding slut is CALLED that, because well, she IS a drunk, philandering, partner stealing WHORE.  There, was That too strong of a statement??? Hey…I’ve been to a LOT of weddings and EVERY wedding, (Unless it’s DRY, Has one).

They’re usually single, drink WAY too much, and try and get laid with basically ANYONE who will pay them ANY attention. I KNOW this, ‘cause well, I’ve BEEN the wedding slut on SEVERAL different occasions. It’s not that I WANTED to be deemed with this prestigious honor, it’s just that SOMEBODY has to play the part and I, (for some unknown reason), happen to be GOOD at it.

Now, does this mean I’m a slut in everyday life…Of course NOT, (Looks the other way), it just HAPPENS to be mainly at weddings. I REALLY think this is WHY I get invited to so many weddings. I mean, EVERY wedding NEEDS a wedding slut and SOMEHOW, I just seem to fit the bill… It’s actually gotten to the point where I’ve been thinking to PROMOTE myself as a FREELANCE wedding slut for a few extra bucks. I mean, it’s ALWAYS good to have a SIDE job right, just in case the 9-5er doesn’t work out.

OK…At THIS point in the blog you’re thinking’…Man…WHY would Sue write something like this exposing herself as a wedding slut? The answer is simple… Its pure and simple marketing folks, if you want or NEED a wedding slut at YOUR wedding, I’m your gal. Just give me a call at 1-800- Wedding Slut today and I can BE at your wedding.

Money back guaranteed folks, I will be GLAD to get way WASTED, and cavort with EVERY guest at the wedding in order to draw the attention away from you. Just call me today, again the number is 1-800- Wedding Slut and I will BE there for you in your time of need. Call Today!!!

Until Later…