Drinking and Writing Oh My

 

I really haven’t written anything funny of my own in a while, so, I sat down at my computer and said to myself…”Sooz, you are GOING to write something funny.” Myself replied, “F**K YOU, I will write something FUNNY when I am good and ready and not until.”

 

Then, it said, “And another thing, WHERE is my ALCOHOL?” “You almost ALWAYS write something FUNNY (OR what appears to the writer to be funny), while drinking.” NOW, I was worried ‘cause I haven’t had any alcohol in a week and I thought, MAYBE myself is right. Maybe I DO need alcohol to see the funny in things.

 

So here I sit….And sit….And sit, trying to think of something funny to write. Then, like a lightning bolt striking my brain, I got an idea. Oh no, not just ANY ordinary idea, but a FUNNY one. I decided that I would write about being sober. Yup….Now THAT’S funny…

 

I haven’t been really BEEN sober in so long, I forgot what it was like, or maybe because of the alcohol, I just couldn’t remember what it was like. ANYWAY, to make a long story short, (No longer possible), I thought I would explain just HOW it feels to be sober. IT SUCKS!!!!!

 

I know, I know, you hear all those amazing stories about how people lost 200 pounds, Got more energy, could actually REMEMBER their names, and other great stuff. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….First of all, IF I lost that much weight, I wouldn’t EXIST, secondly, I already HAVE enough F**KING energy, and thirdly (Oops), I mean finally, I always remembered my name. I have it written down as a tattoo on my hand so OWWWWWWWWW…

 

Truthfully, I feel nervous, you know like when you wanna RIP someone’s THROAT out? I don’t know, maybe I have ALWAYS felt that way but just never acted on it ‘cause I was DRUNK. I also feel like I wanna EAT EVERYTHING in the house, thank God I really don’t HAVE anything except alcohol and chips.

 

Oh well, maybe when I go to the Dr.’s on Monday he will FINALLY come to his senses and see it MY way. If he does…I’m immediately going to ask him out for a drink or six. We’ll see…

 

Until Later…