Tomorrow, (If you’re reading this on Wednesday), is Thanksgiving, a day for stuffing our faces, drinking till we puke , Oh yeah, and of course being thankful that we CAN eat and drink till we puke.
I thought that today I would take you back to the first Thanksgiving and give you the Paul Harvey version of the event. “What”, you say, “it wasn’t a blissful, and meaningful day of friendship and harmony?” Well, it was, but there were a few kinks in the story here and God forbid…The gathering didn’t even have any Football to watch.
Back in 1621 when it was supposed to have happened, you have to remember, in November in Plymouth Mass, it was “colder than a witches tit”. Plus, the Indians at the time didn’t have Armani clothing like the Pilgrims did. They, (The Indians, Or better known as The Red Man), just wore funny looking little swim trunks, moccasins, and some feathers on their heads. They were freezing’ their ASSES off.
It all started after the planting season had ended and THANK GOD, they produced just enough corn and berries to live through the winter. The pilgrims, always in the mood for a party said, “Let’s have a party with those scantily clothed Red men and have the first Thanksgiving.” Well, of course the red men were delighted to saver some of the bounty from the Pilgrims stash, so they put on their BEST swim trunks and feathers and headed on over to the feast.
Ahhhh, and what a feast it was too…Wild turkey, Pheasant, Goose, even some dead Eagles (ROAD KILL), were rustled up. Now the Indians also brought food to the party. They brought stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberries and of course Pumpkin Pie. Ohhh…I almost forgot, they brought the MOST important thing to the party…BOOZE!!!
The Pilgrims, seeing the Indians dressed in their finest swim trunks, yet freezing their cohunes off, asked the Indians if they wanted to get a little warmer. Of course the Indians being a proud people said they would but ONLY if the Pilgrims took something from them in return. Well…That’s another blog ‘cause the pilgrims decided to take all their LAND. The Indians, (Now a little drunk), eagerly agreed and the party went on until the wee hours (What ever the HELL that is), of the morning. They ate like hogs, drank like fish, and stumbled to their beds.
Sooooo, there you have the TRUE story of Thanksgiving. Oh…BTW…If anyone really BELIEVES this, I have some property I am trying to unload…Call me.