Ten Things you should Never Do While Shopping in a Grocery Store

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Some time you just have to be careful what you do while out in public. Here are a few NOT to do while in a grocery store…

1. Never ask someone to squeeze your melons when picking up cantaloupe….Sure you mean well by seeing if they are fresh but SOMETIMES people might get the wrong idea.

2. Bend over to pick up an item you dropped while wearing a Miniskirt with no panties. I have done this and it NEVER turns out well…

3. Yell out…”CLEAN UP IN ISLE 4″ and then Run like Hell…Employees tend to get pissed off…

4. Tell the cashier at the checkout the the man BEHIND you is paying for YOUR items…WAIT…WHAT???? Of course I have PERSONALLY never done this…..Looks the other way…………

5. Take stuff out of someone elses cart while they shop and add the items to YOUR cart…Oh come on!!! It is TOO funny!!!!

6. Shop while very drunk….You end up with ALL junk food items…Trust me….:hungover:…..

7. Shop while very hungry….Your bill is 3 times higher than usual….YIKES!!!:arghh:

8. Tell the cashier to “Put it on my tab”….This inevitably will bring the Mgr. over…

9. NEVER ask a male employee how much his meat is…..You won’t BELIEVE the crass responses you’ll get….

10. Try and get free food by unbuttoning your 3rd blouse button and flirting with the cashier….. Every once in a while…..???????,,,,,……??????!!!!!! ;)

Now….In all truth…I have only done a few of these….Guess which ones…;)
Until Later…

10 Unlikely World News Events

·      Putin has RELIGIOUS epiphany
·      Snakes DISCOVERED in Ireland
·      Pigs CAN Fly
·      Obama realizes ISIS doesn’t stand for Instant Success Is Superior
·      McCain FINALLY becomes PresidentOpra tapped for VP job
·      Kim Jong-il OFFICIALLY pronounced the missing link to Evolution
·      The Dollar Store BUYS Wal-Mart forA Dollar…
·      Tweety Bird is EATEN by Sylvester-Cousin Big Bird morns
·      Disney Buys RussiaTurns into a Major Theme Park
·      World Peace is voted through by all NationsKremlin wants a recount

And You THOUGHT You Knew It All



The  liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a  substitute for 
       blood  plasma. 
No  piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7)  times.
Oh go aheadI’ll wait… 
Donkeys kill more people annually 
than  plane crashes or shark attacks.  
You burn more calories sleeping 
Than you do watching television. 
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty  (50) years of age or older. 
The  first product to have a bar code 
was  Wrigley’s gum. 
The  King of Hearts is the only  king 

Without a mustache 
American  Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive 
from  each salad served in  first-class. 
Venus  is the only planet that rotates clockwise. 

(Since  Venus is normally associated with women, what  does this tell you?)
(That women are going in the ‘right’ direction…?)

Apples, not caffeine, 

are more  efficient at waking you up in the morning  . 
************************************  *********************************** 
Most  dust particles in your house are made from 

************************************************************************  **** 
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. 

So did  the first ‘ Marlboro  Man’. 
Walt  Disney was afraid 

     OF MICE! 
The three most valuable brand names on earth: 
Marlboro, Coca  Cola , and Budweiser, in that order. 
It  is possible to lead a cow upstairs… 

but not downstairs. 

A  duck’s quack doesn’t echo, 

and no one knows why. 
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at  least six (6)

Feet away from a toilet to avoid  airborne particles resulting from the flush. 

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!) 

And  the best for last…. 

Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don’t YOU?)


So pass it onand go move your toothbrush!!! 


 And throw away that piece of folded up paper!!!


Sooz Talks With God

Sooz: Hey God, what’s up, it’s Sooz.
God: Sooz Who?
Sooz: Come on God, I spoke with you once in 84, remember, the stolen bicycle incident?
God: Oh yeah, you copped to stealing that kids bike in the neighborhood, right?
Sooz: Yup, that was the time. AnywayI have something on my mind I wanna run by ya.
God: Go for it, I have about 15 minutes time before my tennis match with Gabriel.  You didn’t “BORROW” another bike did you???
Sooz: Nooooooo!!!!!!!!  Come on God, I’m 43 years old now, I don’t ride bikes anymore… I have something else to ask you.
God: OKLet’s HAVE it Sooz. Time is clickin’ away…
Sooz: Well….I am kinda distressed.
God: About your writing skills???

God: Oh come on Sooz, “Just Ask Sooz”Pahleeeeez!!!!
Sooz: What’s WRONG with “Just Ask Sooz”?
God: Seriously? You want me to believe that all those people come to YOU for advice for their WACKO questions?
Sooz: Ahhhhh Yeah!!!
God: You are too tongue and cheek with the answers….Short and sweet….That’s what *I* say…
Sooz: But the audience LOVES tongue and cheek God…
God: Did you FORGET who you’re speaking to young lady? (Thunder Rolls)!!!
Sooz: Sorry… I’ll try harder.
God: And what about that “Sue’s Fractured Fairy Tales” or “Sue’s Quotes”, come on SoozDRIVEL!!!
Sooz: Wow!!! Thank goodness I don’t WRITE my prayers to you huh? Anyway, here’s my problem… I CAN’T WHISTLE…
God: WHAT???????????? I give you brains,  great looks, and did I mention great tits, and YOU’RE worried that you can’t whistle?
Sooz: YUP!!! I want to be able to go into a bar, see someone who is built and be able to whistle. Is THAT so wrong?
God: It seems to ME young lady that you have been using your mouth QUITE effectively in AHHHHEMLovemaking. Is THAT what they call it now?
Sooz: Yeah, sure God, but I STILL want to whistle.
God: “Just put your lips together and blow”THAT’s how you whistle Sooz. Listen, Gabriel is here so I have to go.
Sooz: WellOKThank you, I think?!?
God: No problem Sooz, THAT’S what I’m here for. Now that I’ve helped YOU, I can get back to creating World Peace, Fixing the Ebola outbreaks, and work on the OTHER diseases and pestilence we have in the world. ButThank GOODNESS I”VE taught YOU how to whistle.
Sooz: Thanks for the advice, I’ll be sure to come back when I need more criticism. Geese!!!


A glance.
The wink of an eye.
Meaningless conversation affixed among two lonely souls.
The brush of a finger, sending tingling sensations down a sensuous body.

Laughter ensues, followed by one hand, folding into another.
Lips meet, sending pleasurable neurons down to Unspeakable Pleasure Points.
Heat erupts from both, making a casual meeting once innocent, now a taste for Lust.
Play no more my Virgin Angel, for the Devil needs to be fulfilled.

Garments fall, as the power of Lust’s heat sets the body afire.
Writhing with passion sets the night’s agenda,
And Sounds of Lust fill the Sensual air.
Moaning saturates the dark, until both have satisfied Lust’s NEED.

Once again, stillness returns, and All is right with the world.

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:
Since it is almost Halloween time again, I would like to get something off my chest. Halloween has never been a big Holiday for me, but, to my husband, it is his favorite time of the year.
He decorates the house, wears a costume, and plays scary music which is fine, but here’s the thing, he likes to scare me with a Halloween prank. Usually he goes gung ho and scares the living bejesus out of me.
I have continually asked him not to do this, yet he continues with this scary and annoying practice. Am I wrong in not wanting to be scared out of my mind? If you have any suggestions on this I would really appreciate your advice.
Scared in Charlotte

Dear Scared:
I must admit I SHARE your husband’s passion for Halloween. That being said, if you have continually asked him to desist from this behavior and he won’t, then there is only one thing to do, SCARE him back with a doozy.
I mean read books, talk with friends, have professional help or what EVER it takes, but scare the living HELL outta him. Perhaps once he gets a taste of his OWN medicine, he will relent in pestering you with these annoying dalliances.
If this does NOT show him that you are serious, I would then suggest letting him know in no uncertain terms that if he does it again, there will be NO MAMMA goodies for quite some time. THAT should do the trick if scaring him to brown underwear doesn’t workGood luck. Oh, and Happy Halloween…

Fellow Friends And Bloggers

I come here today NOT to delve deeper into the depths of despair, but to REVEL in the joy of friendship’s love. I am but a regular person here my friends, cut from the same cloth of Humanity as us all.
I take joy in the pleasures of life, but also feel hurt, and despair when one among us who is loved has fallen. Today, I have interred that fallen soul, and I pray that her strength be spread among the Heavens.
Before you, I come to extend my gratitude, and say thank you to each who has reached out, and has extended me the hand of love’s healing. You have replaced my heart of pain with the healing power of that love. For THAT, I shall be forever grateful.
You ALL have been my rock while going through this grief. I have but a FEW I call friends in real life, but MANY I call true friends here. One never really knows WHO, a true friend IS, until tragedy befalls them, NOW, I know, THANK YOU!!!
From the depths of my soul, I wish you ALL Universal Peace all the days of your lives. May you revel in the joys of your loved ones, but most of all, as you have granted ME, I give you my Love.
 Thank you ALL for being such a huge support during my time of need. I Love you all…
Erin (Sooz)

Strength Through The Pain

I have been trying to make sense of this whole tragedy and one thing that helps is a song called: It Is Well With My Soul, by a man named Herratio Spafford. He was a prominent lawyer in Chicago in 1860, a senior partner in a large and thriving law firm.

 A series of family tragedies began in 1870 when their only son died from scarlet fever at the age of four. Spafford invested in real estate north of an expanding Chicago in the spring of 1871. When the Great Fire of Chicago reduced the city to ashes in October of that same year, it also destroyed Spafford’s sizable investment.

Two years later, in 1873, Spafford decided his family should take a holiday somewhere in Europe, and chose England knowing that his friend D. L. Moody, a well known preacher, would be preaching there in the fall.

 He was delayed because of business, so he sent his family ahead; his wife and their four children, daughters eleven-year-old Tanetta, nine-year-old Elizabeth “Bessie”, five-year-old Margaret Lee, and two-year-old Anna “Annie”.

On November 22, 1873, while crossing the on the steamship Ville du Havre, their ship was struck and 226 people lost their lives, including all four of Spafford’s daughters. Anna Spafford survived the tragedy. Upon arriving in England, she sent a telegram to Spafford beginning “Saved alone.”

 Spafford then sailed to England, going over the location of his daughters’ deaths. Spafford wrote “It Is Well with My Soul  on this journey.

This is MY tribute to you Aunt Carol, rest in peace.
This is a religious song so I didn’t display it. For those of you who would like to share my comfort, it is there for you to pull up if you wish…


My Rock, My Strength, Has Fallen

As I write today, tears fall from my eyes like raindrops upon a barren creek. My rock, the woman who raised me from a young age has passed. Some of you may remember her from my previous writings as my Aunt Carol.
When my mother dove deeper into the depths of alcoholism, my Aunt would feed me, clothe me, and make sure I went to school each day. She was a selfless woman who attended all my school functions, listened to me when I had problems, and counseled me when I needed advice. She was in fact my surrogate mother.
Early this morning, in her garden as usual, she suffered a major heart attack and died. I am at a loss now, my resolve shattered, and my faith weakened.
Farewell my love, my parent, my life. May you rest upon the shoulders of God, and Bless me from above. You will always remain within me, and I shall remain strong in your memory. May you play with angels, and sing forever in the peace of eternal rest.
I will miss you more than could be imagined.
Note: I will be off for a while until I can reconcile this within my soul.