Boobs, Tits, or Mammary Glands, What’s YOUR Preferance

So, I was looking at my boobs today in the mirror, and I thought DAMN GIRL, these look FINE. I can understand why guys AND girls alike ogle them. I’m not talking about MINE in particular, I mean ALL boobs.

Think about it, they are soft as a baby’s behind, JUST the right squeezing and fondling size, AND, they have succulent looking and tasting nipples. What more could anyone ask for?

OK….I KNOW there will be SOME of you out there who will say, “How about someone with a good personality, intelligence, one who is loyal, trustworthy, and kind?” Yeah, yeah, sureBUTJust LOOK at those nipples!!!

Now here’s the thing, not ONLY are they nice to look at and touch, they ALSO are a life support system for feeding our young. WHAT a great designWho thinks UP this stuff anyway?
Because today is Thursday, and it’s slow here today at work, I thought I would just take a quick survey. It’s OK people,this is just a frivolous blog which will ONLY be read by millions, feel free to jump right in. The question is:

What do YOU call our mammary glands?

Personally, I like to call mine Bethany and Sooz. Nooooooo!!!!!! I’m just kidding, I call mine either boobs or “the twins”. How about YOU, what do you call them? Let’s have it peopleNo term is toooo out there. I just wanna see how crazy you can all get. DON’T disappoint me now.

OH COME ON!!! IT’LL BE FUN!!!!!

MUAH…

Until Later…

Sue’s Fractured Fairy Tales–The Garden Of Eden

 

 

Here I sit beneath the tree, waiting for Adam, AGAIN!!! It’s beautiful here, plush gardens everywhere, never ending sunshine, and just gorgeous for sunbathing, ESPECIALLY since we are naked. It is indeed paradise.

We are the only ones here in this beautiful garden, God calls Eden, guess He is hung up on the “E” vowel. All is provided for us, and this new found life is amazing. We, (Adam and I), have free access to ANYTHING we desire, EXCEPT the apples on this one tree. It’s kinda weird really because He never really DID give us a good reason as to WHY WE can’t have any.

I must admit, I am curious as to why This fruit, amongst ALL others, is forbidden to us. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if only I were to take a bite of this succulent looking orb.

“WaitWhat is that hissing noise above the apple tree?”  Hmmm, it’s a snake and it’s SPEAKING?? “Eat the apple Eve, they are delicious.” “But, snake, God has spoken that we should NOT partake of this fruit.” “Don’t be ridiculous Eve, God has just said that because He is selfish and wants all the apples for Himself.”

“Hey, how is it that you can TALK anyway, none of the other animals here can?” Oh, I am a magical snake, and also one who has great knowledge, THAT’S how I know it’s really OK to eat the apples.” Ya know what, said the snake, “If you eat the apple, you will have the same powers as God Himself.”

“Cool”’, said Eve, as she grabbed an apple from the tree and took a bite. In the meantime, Adam had returned from his fishing trip and saw that Eve had just bitten into the apple.
“What the HELL are you doing Eve”, asked Adam, “You KNOW we’re not supposed to eat the apples.” “The snake said it was OK Adam, and he seems really smart.” “What snake”, asked Adam, as the snake had suddenly disappeared. Eve explained and invited Adam to partake.

Adam, not being the SHARPEST knife in the drawer said ok, and he also bit off a huge chunk of the apple. Just then, the skies darkened, and thunder roared as God spoke. “WTF (First time this term was ever used), is WRONG with you two?” “Don’t you understand Arabic?” “I said the apples were a no no!!!” “There WILL be consequences”, said God, as He opened up the gates of Eden and kicked them the Hell out.

Moral: — First off, snakes, no LONGER speak.
Secondly, we may NOT live in a beautiful garden anymore, BUT, we get to wear designer clothes, have all the kids we want, and more importantlyWe get to eat apples, drink apple cider, eat apple sauce, and have as many candy apples as we can eat.

All in allNOT a bad thing… ;)

Until later…

     
     

    Just Ask Sooz

    cropped-jessica-rabbit.jpg

    Dear Sooz:
    I am a woman in her 50’s, my boyfriend, who I have been dating now for 2 years, says that he wants me to have a face lift and lose 20 lbs. I am not an ugly woman by any means Sooz and while I could stand to lose some weight, I am not rotund either.

    Manny, (my boyfriend), says that if I don’t have the surgery and lose the weight, he may just start looking for other women. Here’s the thing Sooz, he is no Adonis either. He is balding and near the edge of 300 lbs on a 5’ 10” frame.

    I love him just the way he is and always have, but, I am afraid that he will leave me if I don’t have the surgery and lose the weight. To be frank, I am scared about going under the knife, you never know how it will turn out, and, it’s expensive.

    What do you think I should do? I am so depressed about this whole situation. I could really use your advice here.

    Depressed 50 yr old

     

    Dear Depressed:

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???????????????????? Are you kidding me here???? What the HELL is WRONG with Manny anyway? Is he delusional? Baby if he is 300 lbs and balding, THIS man should be LUCKY you are still with HIM!!!

    A loving relationship should be based on Trust, Honesty, and Love. If he is only basing your relationship on looks, then I would say “Hit the Road Jack”I think it is preposterous that he would even suggest SUGGEST such a thing.

    Plus, you are right, face lifts ARE expensive and even though they have been done for years, you STILL never know what the after pics will look like. It’s STILL surgery and ANY surgery is risky.

    Tell Manny that if HE pays for the surgery and you lose the 20 lbs, there is NO guarantee that YOU won’t start looking for a younger man either. See how THAT one goesUNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!

    My advice, DON’T get the surgery JUST because HE wants it. If you want to do it for yourself and help build your OWN self esteem, FINE… Otherwise, I would tell Manny to just back off or find a beautiful Brazilian Model who will have him for his balding, overweight selfGood Luck…

    Confessions of a Sex Addict


    I DID it again. I was out clubbing with a couple of my friends last night and as I hit the dance floor, my back started killing me. This has happened to me before and nothing seems to help except Oxycodone.

    Let me just say this, I hardly EVER use this drug unless I am in severe pain, last night was one of those nights. My friends were drinking shots of Vodka and I was drinking Iced Tea. I was SUPPOSED to be the designated driver. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I took one and waited about 20 minutes and it only started to give me MINOR relief. Sometimes I am not too bright folks, rather than pack it in early and go to bed, I just popped another pill. WRONG THING TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Twenty minutes later, my back started feeling “MUCH” better, not because it was really better mind you, it was because Miss Sooz was higher than a proverbial kite on crack.

    Back to the dance floor I went and just partied my ass off. My friends were all drunk as skunks and well, I wasn’t much better so I had to have the bartender call us a cab to take us back to my place.

    There, the party continued into the wee hours of the morn. I remember taking yet another pill as my back was just starting to feel cramped again and I didn’t want that to spoil the fun.
    Long story short, (If that’s even possible anymore), I wound up the next day, NAKED, and in bed with two of my friends who were ALSO naked. We must have had a threesome and then passed out. I couldn’t remember anything and neither could they.

    We all got dressed, said our goodbyes and the day went on from there. Needless to say, I will NOT be taking that many Oxys again anytime soon. Lesson learned. …BLUSH……

    Until Later…

    If It Looks like a Duck, And Quacks Like a Duck, Could It BE a Mentally Deranged Chicken

    These are questions we should ask ourselves every day. Yes!!! Yes!!! I know, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck right? Not necessarily.

    Take Donald Duck for an example, he looks the part and quacks the part, but really, he is a cartoon character playing the ROLE of a duck. How do you know, if he’s wearing a costume UNDERNEATH, he really could be a cartoon rabbit. Well… OK… He’s basically naked so that doesn’t fly, but STILL, you get my point.

    OK, OK, I know what you’re thinking, WHAT the HELL are you talking about Sooz??? Here it is folks, I have NO FREAKIN’ idea… I got NOTHIN’!!! I had this whole thing planned out to talk about people who wear masks and hide their REAL personas, then, I thought WTF, that would be soooooooooo boring, I would put you all to sleep.

    So, instead, let’s talk about whether men really like us for our brains, humor, stunning looks, OR our Va Jay JaysOdds on favoriteMen would say the FIRST three, well, if they knew what was good for them anyway, but deep down in their penissesus, you and I BOTH know the REAL reason.

    This is OK of course a long as they respect us, love us, give us what EVER we want at ALL times and of course, help out with the housework. I mean WE BOTH want the same things in life, right, to be rich, have servants galore, take world vacations whenever we want at the drop of a hat, and of course be able to throw wild parties till all hours of the day and night.

    Hmmmmmm, that being said, I think I better go and examine my topic sentenceYuuuuuuuuuuuuup, I believe I AM a deranged chicken even though I quack like a duckSo sue me!!!

    Until Later…

    P.S. Please Note: All proceeds collected from this piece go to the “Help buy a brain for Sooz foundation”…

    Review–“Get On Up”

    “Get On Up”, staring Chadwick Bozeman (James Brown), is a MUST see film this year. Director, Tate Taylor, (The Help, Pretty Ugly People), has done it again with a well told biography of Brown from his tempestuous childhood through his rise to stardom.

    Bozeman, as Brown, is phenomenal in this role. His make-up job is so good, you BELIEVE you are looking at the real James brown. Now, couple that with his dancing prowess,  leg splits on stage, and his amazing lip syncing to the original hits, and you have the makings of a huge blockbuster.

    Taylor’s development of the characters, is flawless, showing just the right contrast between the talented singer Brown, and his off stage persona of being, short fused, abusive, and even “friends” with the penal justice system.

    If there WAS a flaw, it existed in the time factor of Brown’s own development of his youth, until his success through a series of underdeveloped flashbacks in time. While it gave us the IDEA of how he developed, it never really solidified the REAL story behind the man and WHY he reacted the way he did to situations.

    Dan Ackroyd, who plays Ben Bart, (Brown’s Manager), is a refreshing comic relief in the movie. One scene in which he is explaining the music business to Brown, Brown who had is OWN ideas, got up, then walked away while Ackroyd was still talking, reminded me of one of his Saturday Night Night Live skits… Funny!!!

    Bottom line here friends, don’t miss this movie, it’s guaranteed you keep you engrossed in the characters’ lives, and well, the music is from the Godfather of Soul, how BAD could it be? In theaters nationwide.

     

    Scribbles Challenge–The Final Good Bye

    In this challenge, we were supposed to write a story, poem, or humorous piece which represented the picture given. Below is MY take on the picture.

    “I love you”, he whispered tenderly, as he picked up his valise and crept quietly towards the door. It was only to be a two day business trip, one in which he had taken many times before, only THIS time, she felt a sense of doom lurking overhead.

     He had asked if she wanted to go with him, but, she reclined, listing a myriad of things that needed to be attended to around the house. That uneasy feeling would just not leave her as she heard John’s taxi pull away from the curb.

    He called that night, which made her feel more at ease, but still that nagging recurring feeling would just not let her be. It had been years since her anxiety had taken its hold on her, and yet, she felt like it was slowly creeping back again.

    She decided to have a drink, watch some TV and just see if she could relax. She poured a double Bourbon and Coke, sat down, and watched TV by the fire. God that tasted good, she thought as the drink warmed and relaxed her entire body. She was FINALLY at ease and slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.

    She awoke at 3:14 Am from the sound of the phone ringing off the hook. “Hello”, she answered, “Mrs. Pettimore, this is Dr. Mills from San Francisco Memorial Hospital, your husband was brought in with a gunshot wound, and I’m afraid he is gone.”

    Stunned and in shock, she dropped the phone and let out a blood curdling scream…”Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!” Tears started to stream down her face like raindrops flowing into a pond as she picked up the phone.

    “I’m sorry mam”, said the Dr. and gave her the location to the Hospital. Immediately, she got dressed, and booked a flight to San Francisco.
    When she arrived at the Hospital, she was escorted to the morgue for verification of her husband. As the attendants pulled back the sheet and exposed John’s face, she broke down and cried.

     She asked to be left alone for a few minutes, and while alone, she said her three final words to her beloved husband, “I love you.”

     

    10 Signs That Indicate You Need to Get Laid Now

    Woman Masturbating 2
    1.   · You start making out with your toy stuffed elephant AND, it’s a GOOD kisser

    2.     You start listening to your pre-mixed love song CDs

    3.   · It’s been so long, your monthly EGGS are now hard boiled (THINK ABOUT IT)

    ·4.    The 300 lb cable guy starts looking like an Adonis, and you’re NOT even drunk

    5.   · You keep watching Casablanca over and over

    6.   · You’re wearing your sexy panties to go to 7-11

    7.   · You’re thinking of asking your vibrator to marry you

    8.   · At the zoo, you get excited by seeing a gorilla with a woody

    ·9.    You become excited by watching your long, hard, bathtub faucet run

    10.   You approach eating bananas by LICKING them first

    Just Ask Sooz

    Dear Sooz:

    I have been reading your posts now for a while, and I think you are just the person I need for a straight answer. Here’s the problem, my husband and I have been married or two years and in all that time, I have NEVER experienced a vaginal orgasm.

    If the truth be told, I have rarely even experienced a clitoral orgasm unless I give it to myself. Is it me, or, is it my husband? When I was single and masturbated, I always came to orgasm, now, however, it’s like hit or miss. What can I do to correct his problem?

    Hot to Trot

    Dear Hot to Trot:

    Not to fear, Sooz is here. OK, that was cheesy, but STILL cute. Since you’ve mentioned coming to orgasm a lot when you were single, the problem is NOT you. I WILL say this, however, many women don’t easily have vaginal orgasms. It’s not to say you CAN’T, you just have to know where your G spot IS and what to do once you find it.

    OK, first things first, TALK to your husband and let him know what ISN’T going on with you. SHOW him how to stimulate your clit, take his hand and GUIDE him first to get you really excited before having intercourse.

    Once you are very wet and excited, “Mr. Happy” should be able to finish the job. Start slow, have him bring you to orgasm a few times with his hand, AFTER you’ve shown him what feels good to you. This should help improve your odds or having an orgasm exponentially. 

    Now, point two, Vaginal orgasms, this one must be learned and practiced before IF you can have them they become regular. Take two fingers and place them in your vagina, push them way up there and curl them until you feel a spongy areaTHIS is your G spot. Using your fingers, (At first), slowly move them against your G spot in a come hither motion. Many times it may take up to a half hour or so before you explode, but BABYYou WILL explode.

    Don’t be upset if you can’t do it at first, practice makes perfect. Once you get the hang of it, explain how to do it for your husband, and then Shoot for the moonGood luck!!!

    Sooz’s Naughty Nursery Rhymes

    We’ve all heard THIS nursery rhyme, but how many of you know THE REAL STORY???

    “Jack and Jill went up the hill,
    To fetch a pail of water.
    Jack fell down, and broke his crown
    And Jill came tumbling after.”

    Cute and catchy eh? Yeah, but not quite as sweet as all that. Here’s what REALLY happened.
    A long time ago, in Bogota, Columbia, there lived a boy named Juanito, (Jack) Sanchez. Juanito was always a troubled boy, he was born into an impoverished family with 4 brothers and 3 sisters. Never getting the attention he deserved, at the age of 13 he decided to run with a gang.

    Trouble seemed to follow him where ever he went, and his list of wrongdoings increased when at 18, he joined the Escobar Cartel. His responsibilities were to buy, sell, and distribute cocaine to those who were willing to use his product. Things were going good for Juanito until he met a girl named Jillena Rodriguez, (Pronounced Hill-Ay-Na)…

    Jillena was smart and sexy, but, bad to the bone. (Bad to the Bone music playing in the background). It didn’t take Juanito long to fall head over heals for this sexy temptress. Together, they and the Cartel, ran the fear of God into the surrounding communities.

    They had it all, fast cars, money to burn, and a sex life that put rabbits to shame.  Then, one day, Jillena took Juanito aside and said to him, “Why don’t we take a cut out of the Cartels pocket, get incredibly rich and leave for America to start our OWN distribution ring?”

    He was reluctant at first, but, she had eyes that just burned through his soul, and he became a slave to her whimsies. They had it all planned out. They were to go up Mt. Vargus, pick up a shipment of high quality blow from the Cartel to distribute, and then just vanish into the sunset.

    The day came, and Juanito and Jillena climbed the mountain to pick up the shipment. Now Emilio Escobar, (Cartel leader), was NOT a stupid man, he had overheard of the couples plan from a third party that just happened to be watching them.

    The Cartel was waiting in hiding as Jack and Jill picked up the shipment. Just as soon as Jack started down the hill with his stash, they sprang from their hidden enclosures and with baseball bats beat Jack and Jill, all that was left was their bloody remains.

    The Cartel picked up their coke, and dumped Jack and Jill’s body over that mountain where anyone who found them would KNOW not to mess with Emilio Escobar and the Cartel. The news of Jack and Jill’s murder became news and the legend was created. Ahhhhhhh.Good Times!!!

    And NOW you know the REAL story!!!!!!

    Note: All proceeds collected from this story go to Jack and Jill’s family in Phoenix AzC/O Sooz….