Trick-or-treating in danger from wild hogs

Hogs

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Being a humorist, I am always looking for funny or unusual News stories….When I saw this one, I just HAD to pass it along.

Oct 28, 2014

MELBOURNE, Fla. (UPI) — A Florida homeowner’s association says trick-or-treating is under threat from the wild hogs overrunning their neighborhood.

The homeowners association for the Sawgrass at Suntree neighborhood, located just north of Melbourne, said it is concerned the wild hogs could pose a threat to trick-or-treaters and a trapper is working this week to remove the swine in time for the holiday.

The trapper, James Dean, said he has captured eight hogs so far this week. He said the animals have been accused of digging up 17 lawns in the area.

“Some of the homeowners are telling me they’re walking out on the sidewalk, they’re pooping, they’re crossing the road,” Dean told WESH-TV.

He said a final push is being planned to clear the hogs out before Halloween.

“What we’ll do is come in Wednesday or Thursday with a pack of dogs that will actually catch the hogs and at least scare them further away from the residents around here,” Dean said.

Dean told Florida Today the hogs come from a nearby wildlife area and have caused problems in previous years.

“This year is the worst I’ve ever seen,” Dean said.

I guess that spoils my Halloween costume for this year, I WAS going to go Trick Or Treating dressed as a Hog. I guess NOW, I will have to go as Trapper JohnGeese!!!!!!


Read more at http://www.arcamax.com/entertainment/weirdnews/s-1580239?ezine=11#XbbZe5GseUsP1lS5.99

Deer Runs Buck Wild Through Furniture Store

I’m always up for a good news story so when this one broke, I just couldn’t resist. On October 26th. In Cedar Falls, Iowa, A Buck with a cornucopia of horns, busted through a furniture store window and began his shopping.

I guess he just couldn’t wait until the store opened. He wanted to get a “run” on all the sales before the REAL animals, the people, came running through, and started to grab all the sales before THEY could.

No one was hurt, according to UPI, the Buck just came in, did his shopping, and then exited through the back door, using his antlers to pry it open. I guess the proverbial “Bull in a China Shop” now has some competition.

The Buck was not hurt and appeared to have NOT purchased anything. I guess the sales were either NOT that good, or, the Buck just couldn’t find anything he really liked.

The store owner, Deb Emmert, said everyone was just yelling,”Get out of the way” and laughing as the Deer went his merry way, pushing furniture everywhere and then, just exiting through the back door.

It appears that EVERYONE had a good time, except for the deer who wound up with nothing but a bruised head and a bit of excitement.

Ten Things NOT To Do On Halloween

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1. Bob for apples in a tub filled with Vodka—You may not only GET the apple, but SOMETIMES, an unexpected “date!!!” 2. Go trick or treating with a garbage can on wheels….TACKY!!! 3. Being 43, dressing up as a Hooker, … Continue reading

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

Last year I dated someone from a dating site and fell in love with him. The problem is, he is a mama’s boy. I love him Sooz, he is fun, caring, and even respectful with me sexually. I would like to continue the relationship, but I am afraid that with him being a mama’s boy, I am always gonna be playing second fiddle.

He says he loves me, and would like to move in with me, but I am afraid. What do you think I should do?

Mama Mia

Dear Mama Mia:

Let me ask you a question first, have you MET his mother. Many time your fears are unfounded and you may find his mother just an absolute delight. If THIS is the case, don’t sweat it, even if he IS a Mamas boy you can always TALK with mama and help square him away.

IF, on the other hand, you HAVEN’T met her, I strongly suggest you do. TEST the waters, if she is strong willed and just dotes on her little boy, You’ve got BIG problems. Run for the hills as quickly as possible, OR, plan on moving FAR AWAY from mama.

This type of overbearing personality NEVER bodes well for the daughter-in-law and will ultimately put a major strain on your marriage. Just be careful and make SURE you make the RIGHT decision to insure your continued romance. Good luck…

Ten Things you should Never Do While Shopping in a Grocery Store

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Some time you just have to be careful what you do while out in public. Here are a few NOT to do while in a grocery store…

1. Never ask someone to squeeze your melons when picking up cantaloupe….Sure you mean well by seeing if they are fresh but SOMETIMES people might get the wrong idea.

2. Bend over to pick up an item you dropped while wearing a Miniskirt with no panties. I have done this and it NEVER turns out well…

3. Yell out…”CLEAN UP IN ISLE 4″ and then Run like Hell…Employees tend to get pissed off…

4. Tell the cashier at the checkout the the man BEHIND you is paying for YOUR items…WAIT…WHAT???? Of course I have PERSONALLY never done this…..Looks the other way…………

5. Take stuff out of someone elses cart while they shop and add the items to YOUR cart…Oh come on!!! It is TOO funny!!!!

6. Shop while very drunk….You end up with ALL junk food items…Trust me….:hungover:…..

7. Shop while very hungry….Your bill is 3 times higher than usual….YIKES!!!:arghh:

8. Tell the cashier to “Put it on my tab”….This inevitably will bring the Mgr. over…

9. NEVER ask a male employee how much his meat is…..You won’t BELIEVE the crass responses you’ll get….

10. Try and get free food by unbuttoning your 3rd blouse button and flirting with the cashier….. Every once in a while…..???????,,,,,……??????!!!!!! ;)

Now….In all truth…I have only done a few of these….Guess which ones…;)
Until Later…

10 Unlikely World News Events

·      Putin has RELIGIOUS epiphany
·      Snakes DISCOVERED in Ireland
·      Pigs CAN Fly
·      Obama realizes ISIS doesn’t stand for Instant Success Is Superior
·      McCain FINALLY becomes PresidentOpra tapped for VP job
·      Kim Jong-il OFFICIALLY pronounced the missing link to Evolution
·      The Dollar Store BUYS Wal-Mart forA Dollar…
·      Tweety Bird is EATEN by Sylvester-Cousin Big Bird morns
·      Disney Buys RussiaTurns into a Major Theme Park
·      World Peace is voted through by all NationsKremlin wants a recount

And You THOUGHT You Knew It All

 

 

 ******************************************************************************
The  liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a  substitute for 
       blood  plasma. 
******************************************************************************
No  piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7)  times.
Oh go aheadI’ll wait… 
**************************************************************************** 
Donkeys kill more people annually 
than  plane crashes or shark attacks.  
************************************************************************ 
You burn more calories sleeping 
Than you do watching television. 
************************************************************************** 
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty  (50) years of age or older. 
**************************************************************************** 
The  first product to have a bar code 
was  Wrigley’s gum. 
************************************************************************* 
The  King of Hearts is the only  king 

Without a mustache 
*************************************************************************** 
American  Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive 
from  each salad served in  first-class. 
************************************************************************** 
Venus  is the only planet that rotates clockwise. 

(Since  Venus is normally associated with women, what  does this tell you?)
(That women are going in the ‘right’ direction…?)

********************************************************************* 
Apples, not caffeine, 

are more  efficient at waking you up in the morning  . 
************************************  *********************************** 
Most  dust particles in your house are made from 

DEAD  SKIN ! 
************************************************************************  **** 
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. 

So did  the first ‘ Marlboro  Man’. 
*************************************************************************** 
Walt  Disney was afraid 

     OF MICE! 
************************************************************************** 
PEARLS  DISSOLVE
IN VINEGAR  ! 
********************************************************************* 
The three most valuable brand names on earth: 
Marlboro, Coca  Cola , and Budweiser, in that order. 
********************************************************************** 
It  is possible to lead a cow upstairs… 

but not downstairs. 

************************************************************************ 
A  duck’s quack doesn’t echo, 

and no one knows why. 
************************************************************************ 
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at  least six (6)

Feet away from a toilet to avoid  airborne particles resulting from the flush. 

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!) 
*************************************************** 

And  the best for last…. 

Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don’t YOU?)

So…………………..

So pass it onand go move your toothbrush!!! 

 

 And throw away that piece of folded up paper!!!

 

Sooz Talks With God

Sooz: Hey God, what’s up, it’s Sooz.
God: Sooz Who?
Sooz: Come on God, I spoke with you once in 84, remember, the stolen bicycle incident?
God: Oh yeah, you copped to stealing that kids bike in the neighborhood, right?
Sooz: Yup, that was the time. AnywayI have something on my mind I wanna run by ya.
God: Go for it, I have about 15 minutes time before my tennis match with Gabriel.  You didn’t “BORROW” another bike did you???
Sooz: Nooooooo!!!!!!!!  Come on God, I’m 43 years old now, I don’t ride bikes anymore… I have something else to ask you.
God: OKLet’s HAVE it Sooz. Time is clickin’ away…
Sooz: Well….I am kinda distressed.
God: About your writing skills???

God: Oh come on Sooz, “Just Ask Sooz”Pahleeeeez!!!!
Sooz: What’s WRONG with “Just Ask Sooz”?
God: Seriously? You want me to believe that all those people come to YOU for advice for their WACKO questions?
Sooz: Ahhhhh Yeah!!!
God: You are too tongue and cheek with the answers….Short and sweet….That’s what *I* say…
Sooz: But the audience LOVES tongue and cheek God…
God: Did you FORGET who you’re speaking to young lady? (Thunder Rolls)!!!
Sooz: Sorry… I’ll try harder.
God: And what about that “Sue’s Fractured Fairy Tales” or “Sue’s Quotes”, come on SoozDRIVEL!!!
Sooz: Wow!!! Thank goodness I don’t WRITE my prayers to you huh? Anyway, here’s my problem… I CAN’T WHISTLE…
God: WHAT???????????? I give you brains,  great looks, and did I mention great tits, and YOU’RE worried that you can’t whistle?
Sooz: YUP!!! I want to be able to go into a bar, see someone who is built and be able to whistle. Is THAT so wrong?
God: It seems to ME young lady that you have been using your mouth QUITE effectively in AHHHHEMLovemaking. Is THAT what they call it now?
Sooz: Yeah, sure God, but I STILL want to whistle.
God: “Just put your lips together and blow”THAT’s how you whistle Sooz. Listen, Gabriel is here so I have to go.
Sooz: WellOKThank you, I think?!?
God: No problem Sooz, THAT’S what I’m here for. Now that I’ve helped YOU, I can get back to creating World Peace, Fixing the Ebola outbreaks, and work on the OTHER diseases and pestilence we have in the world. ButThank GOODNESS I”VE taught YOU how to whistle.
Sooz: Thanks for the advice, I’ll be sure to come back when I need more criticism. Geese!!!

Sensuality

A glance.
The wink of an eye.
Meaningless conversation affixed among two lonely souls.
The brush of a finger, sending tingling sensations down a sensuous body.

Laughter ensues, followed by one hand, folding into another.
Lips meet, sending pleasurable neurons down to Unspeakable Pleasure Points.
Heat erupts from both, making a casual meeting once innocent, now a taste for Lust.
Play no more my Virgin Angel, for the Devil needs to be fulfilled.

Garments fall, as the power of Lust’s heat sets the body afire.
Writhing with passion sets the night’s agenda,
And Sounds of Lust fill the Sensual air.
Moaning saturates the dark, until both have satisfied Lust’s NEED.

Once again, stillness returns, and All is right with the world.