Just Ask Sooz

 

Dear Sooz:

I am so distraught.  I recently discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years has been sleeping with other women. I really don’t understand why as I give him all the “lovin” he wants. He says he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me yet he has this one little hang-up…OTHER WOMEN.

What can I do to turn him back to just me? I am soooo upset.

Revenge Ravaged Rachael

 

Dear Rachael:

Kick this two timing dog to the curb. He will never change his ways as his DICK seems to be like a divining rod for finding other women. He is a philandering asshole jerk. The only OTHER thing you could do is get him very drunk one night and perform a Lorena Bobbitt. Cut off this self-absorbent, womanizing asshole’s jerk’s DICK. Oh wait, I can’t say that in print, disregard that last statement…*WINK* Good Luck.

 

Dear Sooz:

I have been seeing a psychologist now for the past 5 years. He has been very helpful but I must admit, I have developed a MAJOR crush on him. I have tried to disregard it but the more I see him the deeper I fall for him. He is single and so am I; do you think it would be inappropriate for me to pursue this relationship?

Mental Madness

 

Dear Mental:

It appears what you are experiencing is what’s called transference. It is very common for a patient to develop romantic feelings towards their Dr’s. Try this, the next session you have, dress to the nines. I’m talkin’ low cut dress, perfume, high heels, the WORKS. Then, in the session, tell your Dr. you’ve had this dream where you and he got together for a VERY intense sexual experience. Tell him what you did to him while making love. While telling him this, watch to see if he develops a BONER.

If he does, he really likes you and would love to take you out. The only thing stopping him is the Dr. Patient relationship. Ask HIM out. If he likes you, he will quickly accept your invitation. If he doesn’t, forget him, he is probably Gay. I mean SERIOUSLY, what guy can resist the TWINS… Good luck, I hope he bites.